The city I live in sucks

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Namekian23, Nov 23, 2014.

  1. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    I was wondering if any of you guys have the same problem; for me, it just gets me a little aggravated. I don't mind living in Manchester, New Hampshire. It's a nice place with nice people. But sometimes the more I stay here the more uncomfortable I feel. I've lived here most of my life and I'm 26. I don't have a girlfriend at this time, but I would like one. The biggest problem, as far as relationships and anything that's related goes, depends on the environment. Having money, confidence, cars, etc. to get a girlfriend is one thing, but being in the right environment is another. Probably 95% of NH is mostly Caucasians and the rest are from different ethnicities, mainly refuges which is where I am. And I'm Asian. I have interacted with many girls in the past, but sometimes my emotions would churn up inside me when I see couples together. I'm not trying to offend anybody, but seeing a vast majority of couples with the same ethnicity throughout most my life makes me kind of irritable. Anyone in my situation would completely understand and many of them have, especially my best friend who is from a different country. I don't really believe in interracial relationships because I rarely see any of it. I like girls of all races, but I don't think I'm going to get the right one here. Most of these kinds of relationships don't work out anyway. Sometimes when you feel so uncomfortable in a certain place or area that you will do anything to change yourself or change something else so that you will be comfortable. Once I move out, I probably won't look back. Manchester is just my temperately home; it is not where I belong.
     
  2. CountryDude

    CountryDude Fapstronaut

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    I lived in Bangkok for 5 years. It really sucks (excuse the pun) to be an addict there. If i didn't leave that place i would have been dead by 30. Although, the way i'm going i might still manage that.
     
  3. username1

    username1 Fapstronaut

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    Absolutely wrong, if you're socially competent enough you'll be able to build satisfying relationships anywhere in the world.

    The city doesn't suck, you suck. If you don't like being around a bunch of whites why don't you go back to China or wherever you're from? You're post doesn't make any sense, it's basically you whining about not having good relationships and blaming it on there being too many white people around.
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2014
  4. TeddyBear

    TeddyBear Guest

    Yes, I hate the current city I live in with every fiber of my being and I'm working very hard to finally move out of here. There's never anything to do and it drives me absolutely up the walls. It's suffocating.
     
  5. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    I can clearly understand your anger, but you haven't really looked at the full picture. I do regret some of the comments that I just said, and I apologize for that. I was expressing some unnecessary feelings, that's all. Like I just said, Manchester is a nice place with nice people. As far as relationships go, it doesn't have with a female for romantic reasons. In fact, I have a mentor who is like a second mother to me and she is Caucasian. I also work in a library with a lot of women who are mostly Caucasians and they are all friendly. As you can see, there's many different ways to have relationships. I have a whole list of them. So, I'm not truly objectifying race or ethnicity here, am I? As for your comments, I could say a few things back if I wanted to, but I'm choosing not to because I have other things to deal with. You're entitled to how you think and feel; there is no true right or wrong answer. I agree that NoFap isn't really the place to complain about your problems(to some extent at least), but rather, it's a place to motivate, educate, and give advice to those who need help with porn addiction. But expressing negative emotions and feelings towards other Fapstronauts based on one's personal beliefs is an different matter. You really have to look at the whole picture before jumping into conclusions. Furthermore, I have a lot of good memories here in Manchester and up until now, I have a some positive things going on in my life at my college. Like I've told you before, you're entitled to how you feel and how you express your thoughts. Other Fapstronauts told me that when it comes to relationships, confidence isn't built over night; it takes time, commitment, and a willingness to come out of your comfort zone.I would rather take their advice than anything else. Again, I apologize for the comments and I'll watch what I say on my posts in the future.
     
  6. TeddyBear

    TeddyBear Guest

    'Caucasian' is a terribly archaic word and doesn't apply to anything anymore.
     
  7. persian29

    persian29 Fapstronaut

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    im from manchester too. i was born at elliot hospital. i didnt live there for long. kinda shuffled around everywhere until i was 10 then left nh completely and moved to florida. complete culture shock. dont knock urself cause everyone around u is different. people are just people. dont make assumptions based on skin color/ethnicity or anything like that. what matter is ur a 26 yo MAN and u have just as much chance at a relationship as anyone else regardless of ur financial situation. just put urself out there and maybe good things will happen to u.
     
  8. elep

    elep Fapstronaut

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    We're coming back to Thailand in Dec. Where do you live abouts?
     
  9. username1

    username1 Fapstronaut

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    If you feel like the city sucks and you can't get out of your shell there and you just want to get away I can totally understand that and you probably should move to another city. But reading your original post it sounded more like you were just complaining about interracial relationships and that you felt jealous or whatever which is another thing entirerly. It's good that you express your feelings, if you have dysfunctional thoughts and talk about them others can expose them and you can move on and not have those illogical thoughts anymore. I think you should express your thoughts and feelins as much as possible. In fact that will make others want to talk to you, if you share yourself with them. And of course there are right and wrong answers. Stop pitying yourself.
     
  10. welmwerth

    welmwerth Fapstronaut

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    Hi Namekian23, I can empathise with you in some ways. I have difficulty connecting and relating to people in general, regardless of race, gender and so on. Though, I try to do what I can to communicate and socialise. I'm not saying it's easy and there are times I just want to crawl into my room and hide. I think with every little interactions I do, it can help. I don't know if I'll find a partner, but I'll keep an open mind.

    Look at it another way, at least you're talking and interacting with people. I think that is a valuable experience. Keep at it. In the meantime, maybe pick up a hobby or do a project.

    You can do these things on top of looking for a new place to move to if that is ultimately your desire. That way things might not feel as miserable, since you can keep yourself occupied with things you enjoy doing.

    Sometimes we just need to remind ourselves what we have achieved and we can still try to move forward despite our perceived failures (I'm not saying this is what you're doing btw).

    Another thing I try is being a good friend to myself. I give myself encouragements, support and not beat myself up. Be kind to myself. I know it sounds strange, but I find that if I appreciate myself, others may be more open toward me. Or at least be more approachable. And I don't mean in a narcissistic way.

    Maybe try finding a local club, you might meet someone. This is also something I plan to do.
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2014
  11. welmwerth

    welmwerth Fapstronaut

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    About relationships - regardless of mixed ethnicity, same ethnicity, beliefs, same sex, straight or what have you - they don't always last. Some people just fall out of it. It's part of life. The thing is, I don't think people go into relationships knowing it might fail (at least not generally), it's that they want to spend time together.

    But, don't take my word for it, since I have next to no "qualifications" in that area and what I know about it, is from what I've barely experienced, read, observe and hear from people I know. Yeah, I get that it feels frustrating being alone and seeing others seemingly happy (we just don't know what their lives are like), but you could always try to find out.

    All the best Namekian23.
     
  12. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    You were from Manchester too? Well, we have something in common. I agree with you and I think most of what I said in my post was unnecessary and that I should not judge other races. Now that I look at it more closely, I've actually interacted with other girls with different races here and there and although it's not easy, I'm trying to get better at it and expose myself a little bit more. It really takes time and effort to put yourself in those situations so you can be more confident. Ironically, I'm thinking about moving to Florida as well(not because of race) just because I'm from a warmer climate anyway. I don't like cold winters anymore lol.
     
  13. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you welmwerth for your kind advice and everyone one else including those who provided some constructive criticism. These answers and comments have made me reconsider all races in general. If I had completely grasped this concept earlier, I wouldn't be posting this thread. Thanks everyone and I wish you all the best.
     

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