A tip a day keeps the P away (66 TIPS IN TOTAL)!

It's my pleasure dear! May your heart be filled with joy and your life with happiness

 

(26)

Pearls of wisdom.. shared here from someone who's almost today 20 month PMO FREE!!

Looking through postings last night reminded me that I am 61 years old and posting in the 40+ group.. The only thing 40+ about me is my 40+ year addiction to pmo, so to the younger forum members: don’t be me.

Without any desire to pmo, my life was (for the most part) as great as it would ever be. In fact, it was only during times when pmo was not a very big part of my life, that I was happiest.

I wish that I could go back to being 17 years old and have the wisdom that I have now, but because that’s impossible, I’m grateful to be where I am today.

Pmo cost me the opportunity to love both myself and others, but that’s over now. I suppose this is the best way to help those who are younger.

If you’re much younger, then take notice of my story and the experiences of your elders. Take notice and be mindful not to be manipulated like a pathetic pawn of the advertising companies and P producers.

Aim high. Find a deeper meaning to living life beyond the lustful desires that can consume and ultimately take your life.

Don’t be me. Change the course of your life before you lose another second, minute, hour, or day to this addiction. Otherwise, all you’ll be left with is trying to reel in all the lost years of your life.

Have a good day. A no pmo day!

A very big thanks goes to the hero @Buddhabro2.0 !

 

(27)

More words of wisdom.. shared here from someone who's almost today 20 month PMO FREE!!

Rebooting means accepting all the undesirable symptoms of withdrawal. Initially, it’s very uncomfortable, and even painful.

Take it easy and be good to yourself. Rebooting is a journey for which there’s no shortcuts, or quick and easy remedies.

My upcoming achievement of 500 days pmo free reaffirms my belief that I can change the direction of my life and fills me with hope for the future. Don’t give up on your dreams, and try to enjoy the little things on your journey.

My biggest challenge is to continue with being able to show myself more love and compassion through self care. I deserve better and hope that I can direct my thoughts towards a more loving, self parenting direction.

A very big thanks goes to the wise man @Buddhabro2.0 !

 

(28)

A good plan outline (with my usual editing).. from a successful Fapstronaut!

[ 1 ] Set Your Focus
Instead of starting your journey with the mindset of “I’m quitting P”, think of this process as “I’m starting the journey to be my most epic self”. Don’t dwell on the lack of porn in your life, how hard the reboot is going to be, or how you have to reach a magical day milestone in your sobriety. Those thoughts should be at the back of your mind. What you should be focusing on is setting up a “system” of self improvement (ie. the plan to create those positive habits).

[ 2 ] Delete All Social Media
Every. Single. One. Seriously, get rid of them. Even YouTube—you can research essentials from targeted online searches, or from reading books. Limiting your access to the numerous triggers on social media is the single most important step, beyond your initial devotion to recovery, that you can make.

[ 3 ] Limit Screen Time
To dovetail off of the above, limit as much time as you can on screened devices, especially those with an internet connection. Put up speed-bumps in your smart phone to track and limit time on apps, and viewing the screen in general. Install parental blocks on internet browsers. Stop playing video games, particularly online ones. Video games can be an open-ended time vacuum, and are often filled with triggers.

[ 4 ] Get Active
Research and set up a system to achieve a level of fitness. Even if it is walking! You want your physical journey to have measurable milestones, and you should spend time creating a plan to reach these milestones. Most importantly though, start. Get off the couch and do something physical—don’t wait for inspiration for the ‘perfect’ routine for you. Discovery will be apart of that journey.

[ 5 ] Create Positive Relations
Reconnect with the the closer humans around you, with a language that creates a positive, natural, and growing feelings of wholeness. Strengthen platonic intimacy with friends and family. Spend quality time with those you care about, and give of yourself when you can.

[ 6 ] Get Out Of Your Head
The focus of this journey is setting up a system of self improvement, not quitting PMO. Living without porn is a byproduct of this lifestyle, not an end-state.When you’re constantly thinking about quitting P, you find yourself being hyperaware of how you feel without it—and often times, especially in the beginning, you feel bad. Keep your focus on self improvement, and creating your system for that journey.

[ 7 ] Meditate
Add meditation to your routine. The more you can find time to be in the moment, and not in your own thoughts, the better. The act itself can be hard to do—your mind is really good at wandering—but the practice is where the benefits lie.

[ 8 ] Learn
Read and listen to educational podcasts, take classes, attend lectures. Weave a consistent flow of gaining knowledge into your system. Remember that you’re on a journey of self-improvement, and as the old saying goes, knowledge is power. Further, books are a great way to fill downtime in your day when moments of temptation for relapse would otherwise invade.

Thanks to @KnightErrant21 !

 

(29)

A practical suggestion from a 600+ NoFap veteran!

I will tell you briefly a simple but not easy solution: avoidance of causes and occasions.

For example, did your cell phone cause you to fall? Give it up. Buy a key-phone for a long time. Only when you see that it isn't longer affects you, you can get a smart -phone.

If someone got accustomed to watch P all the time why would he want to have the internet in his pocket? Does he think he has so much power? and if he had it, why would he waste it fighting every minute and every hour with irrational desire and habit?

Protect yourself, support your choices. Be honest with what you want. Cut whatever causes you to be back again, as long as needed.

One day, not far away, you will have found your true self. You will win again, create a new habit, and turn this new power in a better direction. You will be liberated. You will be able to use anything and not be used by anything.

Thanks to @Alex_Al !

 

(30)

On the Small Habits that Make Big Differences!

I have one tip for you, and it's about creating small, yet positive habits. For example, I decided to floss my teeth daily.

At first it seemed so hard, but that makes sense, because this has been something I've been struggling with for a long time, but since I committed to it, it got really easy the more I did it, and sometimes I do it twice a day, mainly if I get some meat stuck in my teeth or something like that.

The point I'm really trying to make is, if you commit to something that might seem a bit tedious at times you will find out that it controls multiple habits, like maybe flossing will remind you to rinse your mouth with mouth wash after brushing, or maybe it will remind you of goals you've set for the future, because any vision can be blinded by bad habits: like poor hygiene, or PMO addiction, and once you truly commit to these things you will start to see a prettier picture for your future.

If you want to change your life, you need to change yourself, in order to change yourself you need to change your habits, and of course in order to change your habits you need to take action.

If you don't take any form of action, nothing will change in your life. Your life won't improve, and you will only get worse, and that's why when someone is truly committed, and if for some reason they fall off the wagon, they get back up quick, and continue in there constant effort to develop, and grow.

This is one of the most important commitments you can make for yourself. The commitment to improve yourself, and the reason why it feels so hard to commit to this, is because it's something that might seem too far out of reach, but I'm here to tell you that it's only as far to reach as you make it.

If you chose to commit it will seem surprisingly closer than you initially realized, but you have to commit

Thanks to @D . J . & @John.. !

 

(31)

Here's the life with P in 5 minutes! This is how it goes; do you want to be that bird?

 

(31)

5 Tips from a successful man; straight out of 2 years with a therapist:

1
All addictions, P included, are a way of coping with pain. If you find yourself struggling with P, chances are you're struggling with pain. You should take some time to be introspective and think about what might be hurting you. For me, it was the constant feeling of inadequacy, especially when I was young.


2
Be curious when the urges and cravings HIT! If you fight things, you'll end up eventually losing will power, and you'll will likely revert to your old behavior. You shouldn't try to fight the urge - instead, when it comes up, be 'curious' - ask yourself: Why am I feeling this? What is triggering me to feel these urges? What just happened? Where am I emotionally right now?.

What you will find is that more often than not, there is a pattern that emerges when you're feeling that 'urge' - for me, it was a few specific patterns: first, when I wanted to be comforted, such as before bed, or when I was upset. Second, when I was feeling especially frustrated or 'stuck' - whether with work, personal projects (losing at something), or anything else. There were clear patterns that emerged for me, which made it a good starting place to drill into 'why am I doing this?'.


3
After being curious, ask for space (a pause) temporarily from your reason. Imagin the P request/ reason, to be a person, in your mind, and and ask it for a bit of space! It sounds weird, but it works.
 This deflection of thought puts you back in control; the urges DIE.

4
Remove temptation as much as you can (really AS MUCH AS NEEDED). There are some practical parts here and more tactical items: put parental controls on everything you can, ask someone to lock you out (and put on a password). Remove access as much as you can to make it easier on yourself. If you get close to a slip up, but can't easily access P, you'll have a much better success rate (do steps 2 and 3 instead). It's like eating healthy: get rid of all the junk food in your house.


5
Understand that personal growth is a journey, not a destination; so get working at it (it will NEVER happen on itself). Socrates said "the unexamined life is not worth living"; simply by looking at yourself. It won't always be an upwards spiral, and it won't always be easy, but choosing to be better is the most important step to keep going in the right path.

Thanks to Entire_Equivalent_95 from Reddit!

 

Thank you dear! With my respect!

 

(32)

A 30-sec motivating video that shows a very good 30-years life ahead!

 

(33)

Tips to Create a Strong Resolve: Answer these questions (on paper):

• Consider why you are here trying to quit P? Write down: why you are here and why you decided to take this journey?
• How is your addiction affecting your life?
  
• What can you achieve if you can quit?
• Consider this: how you would feel if you were to relapse?

Write/ write/ write/ write (get a pen and paper and get serious... if you really want to change your life get something going on with your hand that is useful to your life..).

This resolve will help you along your journey. It will provide you with motivation during the good days and the bad. It will serve as a reminder to how you want to improve your life.

Use it and look at it when you are facing urges, or when you are facing tough issues. No matter your present circumstances, there is hope for the future, and I hope that by realising your own potential, you can find the strength to move forward.

Thanks to @NoBrainer !

 

(34)

Tips to Create a New Habit to Replace P:

Start a journal

• I highly recommend starting a journal and updating it regularly. Updating daily is ideal.
  
• This forum is relatively predictable, in that you get out what you put in. If you update regularly, you will with time acquire supporters and friends.
  
• If you ignore your own journal, you too will be ignored. Others have no way of knowing how you’re doing if you don’t tell them.

Get accountability

• As indicated in above, receiving help from others is one of the most beneficial sources of motivation to continue on this journey.
• I suggest finding a like-minded person on the site, befriending them and staying accountable to that person.
  
• I do not recommend posting in the accountability section, rather read through other’s journals and try befriending them through private messages.

Make a strategy / action plan

• This is one of the most important things you can do. Rather than focusing on what not to do, focus on what you can do to improve your life. This includes finding other activities to fill your time with.
• These activities will serve to let you form healthy habits in your life, and will, with time, naturally lead you away from more destructive habits like PMOing.
• Decide what activities you want to do each day, and endeavour to complete as many of them as possible every single day.
• Every new day presents an opportunity to improve yourself. Breaking it up into single days makes a long term goal seem more achievable.
• Make a weekly calendar and update your progress of how many activities you’ve completed each day.

Remember, if you don't work for it, it won't work for you; and you only get out what you put in!

Thanks to @NoBrainer !

 

(35)

Tips on Being Logical and on Good Choices:

Embrace the flat line

• Many guys hate the flat line paradoxically! However if you welcome it, you’re giving yourself a free ride to abstain for a few weeks or more.
  
• The flat line is temporary. It is not indicative of any permanent changes. It is merely your brain adjusting to the serious changes you’ve made.
  
• Do not test things out to see if they still work. Just like an urge, ride it out until it ends. Even if you don’t feel good during the flat line, it is surely better than feeling terrible, and facing strong urges.

Understand that relapse is a choice

• I do not recommend giving yourself any leniency when it comes to P. Some people on this site say that relapse is part of success. I would have to disagree. Relapses are mistakes that we make on our way to success, they should not be a part of the bigger picture.
• If you relapse, use what you have learnt so far to your advantage and start again. Re-consult your resolve and your action plan, how you failed or what your trigger was, and learn from that mistake in order to move forward.
• For every urge you face, you give yourself a choice. Do you give in, or do you outlast the urge? No urge is uncontrollable. No matter how shitty your situation is at the time, you can always make the right decision to walk away and stay clean.

Thanks to @NoBrainer !

 

(36)

Tips on Staying on Track:

This journey is not easy, but don’t give up

• No one ever said this was easy. In fact it’s really hard at times. But don’t despair.
  
• The deeper the hole you’re in right now, the greater the potential is to rise up and improve yourself. There is hope for everyone.
  
• If your situation is 10 times worse than the guy’s standing next to you, then you’ll have to try 10 times as hard, but the potential for success is the same.
  
• You’ll never know it if you quit. You’ll never experience that success if you give up.

Stay active on the forum

• Just as you would appreciate receiving help from others, give your advice to those struggling on the forum, or those who you think would benefit from your advice.
  
• Not only are you helping them, but you are also helping yourself, by cementing your own values, further strengthening your will to carry on.

Go out and make it happen

Thanks to @NoBrainer !

 

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What you need to know about willpower: The psychological science of self-control
Introduction

In 2011, 27% of Stress in America survey respondents reported that lack of willpower was the most significant barrier to change. Yet although many people blame faulty willpower for their imperfect choices, it’s clear they haven’t given up hope.

A majority of respondents believe that willpower is something that can be learned. Those respondents are on to something. Recent research suggests some ways in which willpower can in fact be strengthened with practice.

So how can individuals resist in the face of temptation? In recent years, scientists have made some compelling discoveries about the ways that willpower works. This report will explore our current understanding of self-control.

Lack of willpower isn’t the only reason you might fail to reach your goals. Willpower researcher Roy Baumeister, PhD, a psychologist at Florida State University, describes three necessary components for achieving objectives:

• First, he says, you need to establish the motivation for change and set a clear goal.
  
• Second, you need to monitor your behavior toward that goal.
  
• The third component is willpower.

Whether your goal is to lose weight, kick a smoking habit, study more, or spend less time on Facebook, willpower is a critical step to achieving that outcome.

At its essence, willpower is the ability to resist short-term temptations in order to meet long-term goals. And there are good reasons to do so. University of Pennsylvania psychologists Angela Duckworth, PhD, and Martin Seligman, PhD, explored self-control in eighth-graders over the course of the school year. The researchers first gauged the students’ self-discipline (their term for self-control) by having teachers, parents, and the students themselves complete questionnaires. They also gave students a task in which they had the option of receiving $1 immediately or waiting a week to receive $2.

They found students who ranked high on self-discipline had better grades, better school attendance, and higher standardized-test scores, and were more likely to be admitted to a competitive high school program. Self-discipline, the researchers found, was more important than IQ in predicting academic success.

Other studies have uncovered similar patterns. June Tangney, PhD, of George Mason University, and colleagues compared willpower by asking undergraduate students to complete questionnaires designed to measure their self-control. The scientists also created a scale to score the student’s relative willpower strength.They found the students’ self-control scores correlated with higher grade-point averages, higher self-esteem, less binge eating and substance abuse, and better relationship skills.

The benefits of willpower seem to extend well beyond the college years. Terrie Moffitt, PhD, of Duke University, and colleagues studied self-control in a group of 1,000 individuals who were tracked from birth to age 32 as part of a long-term health study in Dunedin, New Zealand. Moffitt and her colleagues found that individuals with high self-control in childhood (as reported by teachers, parents and the children themselves) grew into adults with greater physical and mental health, fewer substance-abuse problems and criminal convictions, and better savings behavior and financial security.

Source: American Psychological Association Article on Willpower
https://www.apa.org/topics/personality/willpower

 

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What you need to know about willpower: The psychological science of self-control
Definition

We have many common names for willpower: determination, drive, resolve, self-discipline, self-control.

But psychologists characterize willpower, or self-control, in more specific ways. According to most psychological scientists, willpower can be defined as:

• The ability to delay gratification, resisting short-term temptations in order to meet long-term goals
• The capacity to override an unwanted thought, feeling, or impulse
• The ability to employ a “cool” cognitive system of behavior rather than a “hot” emotional system
• Conscious, effortful regulation of the self by the self
• A limited resource capable of being depleted

Source: American Psychological Association Article on Willpower
https://www.apa.org/topics/personality/willpower

 

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What you need to know about willpower: The psychological science of self-control
Delaying gratification

Walter Mischel, a psychologist now at Columbia University, explored self-control in children with a simple but effective test, named the “marshmallow test": The child was then told that the researcher had to leave the room for a few minutes, but was given two choices:

• If the child waited until the researcher returned, he could have two marshmallows (those applies the cool system).
  
• If the child simply couldn’t wait, he could eat it, but would be allowed only one marshmallow (those applies the hot system).

Here is a hilarious video showing the concept



The marshmallow experiments eventually led to develop a framework to explain our ability to delay gratification. It concluded a “hot-and-cool” system to explain why willpower succeeds or fails.

The cool system of willpower is cognitive in nature. It’s essentially a thinking system, incorporating knowledge about sensations, feelings, actions and goals—reminding yourself, for instance, why you shouldn’t eat the marshmallow. The cool system is reflective.

The hot system is impulsive and emotional. It is responsible for quick, reflexive responses to certain triggers—such as popping the marshmallow into your mouth without thinking of the long-term implications.

When willpower fails, exposure to a “hot” stimulus essentially overrides the "cool" system, leading to impulsive actions. Some people, it seems, may be more or less susceptible to hot triggers.

Studies proved that those with cooler systems, achieve much more success in their lives, each and every time.

Source: American Psychological Association Article on Willpower
https://www.apa.org/topics/personality/willpower

 

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What you need to know about willpower: The psychological science of self-control
Is Willpower a Limited Resource?

Every day, in one form or another, you exert willpower. You resist the urge to surf the web instead of finishing your expense report. You reach for a salad when you’re craving a burger. You bite your tongue when you’d like to make a snide remark.

Some experts liken willpower to a muscle that can get fatigued from overuse. A growing body of research shows that resisting repeated temptations takes a mental toll.

Numerous studies have built a case for willpower depletion, or ego depletion, as some experts call it. In one example, volunteers asked to suppress their feelings as they viewed an emotional movie, gave up sooner on a test of physical stamina, than did volunteers who watched the film and were left to react normally.

Research shows that interacting with others and maintaining relationships can deplete willpower. In one demonstration of that effect, Kathleen Vohs, PhD, of the University of Minnesota, and her colleagues found that people asked to convince a hostile audience that they were likable suffered more depletion than people who were simply asked to act naturally before the audience.

Dealing with a hostile audience for example may feel exhausting, but depletion is not simply a matter of being tired, as research demonstrated. This means that being tired does not equal having less willpower. Being more energized does not equal more willpower.

If depletion isn’t physical fatigue, what is it? Recent investigations have found a number of possible mechanisms for willpower depletion; there might be something at a biological level. Evidence suggests that willpower-depleted individuals might literally be low on fuel. The brain is a high-energy organ, powered by a steady supply of glucose (blood sugar). So it's not directly about exhaustion, its about brain-power (at a mental level, not a physical one).

Restoring glucose appears to help reboot run-down willpower. One study, for example, found that drinking sugar-sweetened lemonade restored willpower strength in depleted individuals, while drinking sugar-free lemonade did not.

Evidence also suggests that willpower depletion can be kept in check by your beliefs and attitudes. Mark Muraven, PhD, of the University at Albany, and colleagues found that people who felt compelled to exert self-control (in order to please others, for example) were more easily depleted than people who were driven by their own internal goals and desires. When it comes to willpower, those who are in touch with themselves may be better off than their people-pleasing counterparts.

Muraven, Baumeister, and their colleagues also explored the effects of mood. By lifting their subjects’ spirits with comedy videos and surprise gifts, they demonstrated that a good mood can overcome some of the willpower-depletion effects normally seen after exercising self-control.

Other research suggests that a person’s basic beliefs about willpower may be important. A 2010 study by Stanford University researcher Veronika Job, PhD, and colleagues found that individuals who thought willpower was a limited resource were subject to having their willpower depleted. But people who did not believe willpower was easily exhaustible did not show signs of depletion after exerting self-control.

So in NUTSHELL; here are the take-aways and practical pointers to a BETTER WILLPOWER:

1. Willpower is a limited resource, that can be managed wisely on a daily-basis (it refills every single day).
2. Dealing with others and emotional public regulation is a BIG USER of willpower (so think wisely; be preventive).
3. Just feeling exhausted doesn't deplete willpower, its when one feels mentally exhausted does one have less willpower (can be counter-acted/ refilled on the spot/ with sugary/ brain food).
4. Being intouch with oneself, having a good inner dialogue equals more willpower (steady and stable levels).
5. Better moods equals more willpower, and bad moods deplete them.
6. Believing in willpower and personal ability strenghes it; self-harming beliefs destroys it (you are what you think!).

Source: American Psychological Association Article on Willpower
https://www.apa.org/topics/personality/willpower

 

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What you need to know about willpower: The psychological science of self-control
Willpower and Healthy Behaviors

Every day, you make decisions to resist impulses in the quest for a healthier, happier life. Whether it’s turning down a second helping of mashed potatoes, or resisting the urge to skip the Monday morning meeting, your will is tested on a near-constant basis.

Limited willpower is often cited as a primary roadblock to maintaining a healthy life, and research supports this idea.

Ways to increase the capacity of our (bucket of willpower) include:

• Focus on how we "spend it"; choose wisely as it gets depleted.
• Give consideration to our "moods" at the moments; go positive.
• Focus on the "why/reason" we do something; remind ourselves constantly.
• "Environment" play a role too; so it's better we make them supporting.

Willpower plays a role in many healthy lifestyle choices, such as the use and abuse of tobacco, and illicit drugs. Developing good self-control as children may prevent substance abuse problems in teenagers and adults, according to Kevin King, PhD, of the University of Washington.

Source: American Psychological Association Article on Willpower
https://www.apa.org/topics/personality/willpower