The girl i met at work

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by itz_gioc, Apr 23, 2019.

  1. Fractured Mindset

    Fractured Mindset Fapstronaut

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    From my recent experience, I say it's a combination. You have to do things with/for her and eventually tell her.
     
  2. wwtl

    wwtl Fapstronaut

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    The common misunderstanding is, that talking helps with the process, while it's usually the biggest obstacle. This fallacy stems from entertainment media, where actors have to talk, because it's the only thing they can do in front of a camera to move the story forward. Someone mentioned a "Friends" episode. But it's not how reality works.

    In real world dating, the man is in charge and has full responsibility for everything, even for her actions. Talking is only useful for calming her down, while stuff happens, she actually wants, but will be uncomfortable talking about. This includes actions she initiates. Many men believe that just because she initiated something, they are now allowed to take her to task. This is a grave mistake.

    Regardless of the stage you are in (first approach, meeting in public, making out while watching a movie), never describe literally, what is happening. This is a guaranteed crash. Instead talk only to make her feel safe, to free her from responsibility and make sure she knows that you, the man, bear all consequences of what is happening.

    If she wants you (only thing that actually matters, you are not going to convince her with your voice), she going to move along with your actions, or even initiate some on her own. But this only happens when she can be sure, that it's your fault as man, if something goes wrong in the process. And the latter is the only thing you convey with your voice, everything else is just "show, don't tell".
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2019
  3. Nantz

    Nantz Fapstronaut

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    To be honest however it ends up working out i think you did good. You took a risk, You told a girl that you like her to her and you did it face to face. And whether its because of porn and masturbation or timidness men seem to not be getting out there and taking risks anymore. I went on a first date in a very long time the other day and similarly afterwords i thought to myself "i have no idea what to think of that date". Porn showed us this idealistic world of women and now we are breaking free and finding that the real world is both much more complicated but also much more rewarding. I think we just need to keep getting out there and learning from our success and failures. Also as some others have said: she has a boyfriend so its for the best. plus the real success is knowing that you can move on (if it never works out) because you took a chance rather than never knowing and thus never moving on
    anyway i hope that all made sense. Good luck
     
    itz_gioc likes this.
  4. Marvelgurl23

    Marvelgurl23 Fapstronaut

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    Take it from an actual woman, she is ignoring you on purpose and I think its her fault for enabling you into thinking you could be with her but also your mistake you are still trying to be with a girl who hasn't figured out her relationship status. I say move on there's plenty of fish in the sea and why would you want to be with someone who just got out of a relationship; too much of an emotional burden on you my friend
     
  5. The Dave

    The Dave Fapstronaut

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    Two important things in life to learn here:

    1.Whenever you see a women you think is beautiful, just remember somwhere there is someone who is bored of her bullshit.

    2. Dont try and understand women. Onky women understand women.... And they hate each other!

    Chin up fella!
     
    Marvelgurl23 likes this.
  6. The Unfadeable

    The Unfadeable Fapstronaut

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    These friend zone situations can be rough but we have all been there. When I started reading your post I rolled my eyes like, not one of these. Your game and calibration could use some work but at least you saw the opportunity and you went for it instead of following her around for a year and paying for all her stuff like a cuck in hopes she would ask you out. You need to quit moping around because you saw an opportunity and you went for it. Thats all you can do as a man and as one of the earlier posters said, she did do you a favor by ignoring you instead of leading you on, manipulating you and keeping you around for validation.

    I made the same mistake a couple of times and I was embarrassed as hell for the longest but don't be. You pulled the trigger like a man. Next time, try to establish some more solid flirting and express your interest before you go on the date as that may have put her on the spot. Mabye that was it or maybe she didnt like you like that. Either way you have nothing to be ashamed of but personally I would advise keeping that stuff away from work because she seems like a respectable girl but a dishonest hoe could have metood you.
     
    itz_gioc likes this.
  7. itz_gioc

    itz_gioc Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the advice guys.

    So after about 2 months of no PMO I’ve been seeing things very differently. Most of the time I just don’t care about anything. I’m treating my coworkers with much more respect. I’ve been talking to some girls at work but I wasn’t trying to establish anything with them. I didn’t want to make the same mistake lol. I’m planning to transfer to another shift soon so I won’t see her anymore. It’s definitely for the best. I got most of my stuff situated for this year. It can change eventually.

    Right now I’m going with the flow. I’ve been counting my days on NoFap just to see how far I’ve gone. Noticing all the benefits from it. I will keep pushing forward. My next goal is 90 days! I know some people might say to never count your days. But I dont care, it’s an achievement to look forward too.
     
  8. Walter267

    Walter267 Fapstronaut

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    Man, the girl is really into you big time .Just be lil bit patient with her and try to talk to her. And she might be playing hard to get .Enjoy the situation like a game. And never give up. She's ours.
     
  9. Bragi

    Bragi Fapstronaut

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    Chill. She has a boyfriend. That's pussy style - trying to date other guys gf.
     
  10. if she doesnt approach you and tell you she likes you, then she isnt into you
     
  11. Knight81

    Knight81 Fapstronaut

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    That feeling really is heartbreaking and can spiral one quickly into a lowest of lows. I have been in almost a similar situation and I wont go into detail. But my biggest advice for you is that since she does have a boyfriend is to just ignore her back. She led you on and that isnt cool at all. She IS into you But realized she made a mistake by giving you the signs. Wonen enjoy the attention. Someone greater will come into your life.
     
    itz_gioc likes this.
  12. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    I can relate too, sorry this is so long but I had a lot to say.

    There’s a 1.5 month seasonal job that I do every summer and back during the 2017 work season, I was interested in a girl who started the year before but I didn’t know her and never really talked to her that year. During the year that I was interested in her, she had gotten her niece who was 17 at the time (the girl I was interested in was 20 at that time) and her niece became interested in me and made it pretty obvious that she was, which made it uncomfortable because she was underage. Now the girl that I was interested in is very shy and introverted, so that made it pretty hard to tell if she was also interested in me or not. I ended up texting her about a week after our work season ended and I totally fucked it up, didn’t ask her out or text her again and didn’t see her until the next summer for work again.


    Sometime after that happened she got a boyfriend and he worked with us the following season in 2018 because she had gotten him a job there like she did her niece. This guy seemed cool at first, but he quickly started flirting with another girl who was also a new hire that year, even when his gf was at work with him and she’s the one who got him the job. Then it escalated even further with him hitting her while they were at work, and that apparently wasn’t the only time that he had hit her, and there was even more drama that had occurred that year because of their relationship. Apparently since last year’s season ended, he broke up with her, but she went back to him despite him being a physically abusive partner, and they’re still together now.

    Another coworker of ours who knows that I was into her said that she thinks its inevitable that they’ll break up again and when that does happen, I should swoop in and get her. But there’s no telling when that could happen and I haven’t decided if that’s a good idea or not because this girl struggles with anxiety and depression and she’s made posts on Facebook about no matter how bad someone has hurt her, she would still be there for them if they’re ever going through something bad and needed help. That makes me think that her ex could easily come back into the picture and try to get her back because if she’s willing to go back to him after he’s physically abused her, then its probably even more likely that she’d leave me to go back to him if we were together.
     
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  13. itz_gioc

    itz_gioc Fapstronaut

    Its nice to hear that I'm not the only person going through it. I sometimes wonder why these girls fall for these types of dudes. Well to be honest just let them. It ain't your problem you know?

    I also had a similar experience with an ex who had depression. She was taking medication for a lot of things. I was always there for her and tried helping her through her struggles. We use to live very close to each other, but since she moved - it was never really the same. Long distance relationships didn't work for us. Mainly because of communication. I always felt like she was seeing some dude behind my back. And it pissed me off so much. I decided to end it. I PMO'd regularly after we broke up... It was not worth it though because I never had enough energy to do anything with my life.

    Now after discovering NoFap and the community, I can relate to almost every person on this website. It's definitely a life changer and I'm slowly moving past those dark times. It's hard but if you have the willpower then you can do it. Just remember that the past is the past. Just learn from it and move on.

    Let's be the best we can be and pursue our goals :)
     
  14. Can_do_this_will_do_this

    Can_do_this_will_do_this Fapstronaut

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    Wow.....
    You have a sharp intellect ! :)
     
    wwtl likes this.
  15. captainteemo

    captainteemo Fapstronaut

    Trust me, bro, I will tell you something and remember it for the rest of your life. The moment you stop chasing women they will go after you if your life is looking good and on track.

    The time you spent going after that lady or any other spent it by doing something you love your hobby or just learn something new a language or a new skill that you may need for your future to become even more successful then now. best of luck friend I hope I did not say something wrong that may offended you.
     
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  16. wwtl

    wwtl Fapstronaut

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    Let me tell me a recent anecdote from practice, how this actually works.

    At a table I sit next to a young lady in a 90 degree angle and she "accidentally" touches my legs with hers. Every time it happens, she immediately apologizes.

    So how do I make her not feel awkward for her own actions? I said: "You don't have to apologize, I put my legs there, there is nothing you can do about that." Now she knows, that I don't give a fuck about gentle body contact and I put this on me. She relaxes and becomes more comfortable being near me.

    (Of course, if a woman intentionally kicks you under the table, you have to put a stop to it. Don't let them walk over you.)
     
    itz_gioc likes this.
  17. Kexas23

    Kexas23 Fapstronaut

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    The same thing happened to me today. I asked her out for a date, she said yes. Then today she sends a text cancelling. She ignored me the rest of the day. Such is life.
     
  18. Jackb97

    Jackb97 Fapstronaut

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    Neither do they.
     
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