The Irony of Pornography

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by De-bonaire, Feb 1, 2015.

  1. De-bonaire

    De-bonaire Fapstronaut

    49
    5
    8
    DISCLAIMER
    I will be discussing my pornography habits in some amount of detail below, so be wary if you are easily triggered.




    Since I've joined this community, I've wanted to post some thoughts that have crossed my mind as I've reflected on my P habit over the past 10 years or so. I have always kind of wondered what drives the changes in my taste or what I look for when I waste hours at a time surfing the net for that perfect video. I've come to the conclusion based on my own experience that pornography is a very ironic habit for me.

    I find that, like many others, I can spend amazing amounts of time searching for the perfect video. In the middle of my seemingly endless searching I sometimes wonder why so much porn seems like crap. I find a gem every so often, and I wonder why there isn't more like it. I often find myself scouring the internet for amateur pornography because it feels more real. I can relate to it better. I look for people who seem like they might actually be in a relationship because it seems more real/intimate. Ultimately, my goals in searching for the right porn seem to indicate that I want a more intimate connection to the people I am watching, which is what is ironic about the whole thing.

    Nothing could possibly be less intimate than watching a video of people who having vulgar, unnatural sex. The people having sex more likely than not don't care at all about each other and maybe didn't even know each other for more than a few minutes before they took their clothes off and started imitating what is supposed to be the most intimate relationship people can have with each other. And beyond that, they don't even know or care that I'm watching them. The whole situation is the opposite of intimacy, but I'm desperately searching for something that feels intimate. No wonder it takes hours to finally settle on a disappointing video that was better than the others, but still not really that close to what I was looking for.

    The irony seems so obvious in my more sober moments. What I'm looking for is a a paradox, an oxymoron. It simply doesn't exist, which is a fact that makes me feel all the more pathetic when I PMO even though my wife is going to be home soon--my wife who actually cares about me, who knows me and my challenges, and who is more than willing to connect with me the real way--basically to give me exactly what I was looking for in vain on the internet.

    I'm certain this idea is probably not new to a lot of people, but I'm just interested to see if anyone else notices this about their porn habits.
     
  2. CL555

    CL555 Fapstronaut

    241
    93
    28
    I can relate to your post on so many different levels. Man. If only porn video's would show the actors/actresses after the shoot. They probably never look each other in the eye again. This would wake so many men up and realize that porn is barely even sex at all. The actions are there, but the feeling isn't.
    The fact that we're watching it and not even taking part removes the porn watcher from intimacy even further. And I completely agree with all that you say here. In searching for intimacy, we distance ourselves from it even further.
     
  3. mijereah

    mijereah Fapstronaut

    224
    10
    18

    I have noticed that when I first viewed P like 15+ years ago I was merely just curious and didn't care so much for what I was viewing b/c it was all new to me. Now that I am well into my 30's I have tried extensively to find that "perfect" video and have always defaulted to certain types of P. Then when I go out in the real world and see beautiful women all around me it sucks to think of them only as objects most of the time and lusting after them. P really does that to it. It strips away the intimacy and real connection. There are probably a good handful of not so attractive females out there that if I were off this P addiction I most likely wouldn't find that attractive but only do so because of the porn. With that said, I still think the P industry is running out of ideas and will always have addicts flocking to their site as long as they can get that girl to look amateur or older or whatever. The amateur stuff is the worst b/c they try to make it look so real like the girls on there or so innocent or whatever. It's all fake. Most of those girls are really older than they are and wear lots of makeup and are on drugs and don't eat right so they look way younger. Its all fake. Don't buy into it.

    Also for me, I have found that in the beginning when I first started looking at P I would casually look at soft core stuff like images and then eventually I went into more hardcore stuff like videos. Now I find myself stuck in a certain niche and always going to the same free sites where I can just look up all the videos without having to pay for them. This was a big mistake within the larger mistake of looking at porn I think. Because once you find a way behind the alley it's almost as if they've got you hooked.

    not this time suckas..I'm done with this S%&!
     
  4. mijereah

    mijereah Fapstronaut

    224
    10
    18
    Also I forgot to mention-- I read in a book somewhere that the best way to actually stop looking at porn is to attend an actual porn shoot where you will most likely feel disgusted, humiliated and probably vomit. Here is the quote from the ebook "Eyes of Integrity" by Craig Gross in which there is a quote that says "You want to stop looking at porn? Go to a porn show" ..."It sounds like a paradox but going to a porn show can help people like Stephen view women in the show as real people—people with hopes and hurts just like anyone else. Stephen’s first porn shows illustrated to him how real these men and women are, how valuable they are to God, and how the industry has messed with them".
     
  5. Aryangor

    Aryangor Fapstronaut

    359
    170
    43
    Well written post - I am grateful to you for expressing your deep thoughts with such vulnerability and honesty. I know this will bless many people.
     
  6. Warrior01

    Warrior01 Fapstronaut

    121
    2
    18
    thanks for sharing. i totally agree and feel related. What i am looking is actually something special, different, and intimate. Watching porn is making it sure i will never get that.
     
  7. rubifenrx

    rubifenrx Guest

    I hear ya.....

    I believe in God. In Good and Evil. Truth and Lie.

    Thus, for me, when I stumbled upon a porn movie (entered a party, older kids, I was only 12....) I was "mesmerized", "enchanted"....hooked.

    I still, to this day, remember the look on the girls face....its engraved in my head.
    She was innocent looking...the most horrid part, disturbing, was it was a threesome.
    She was getting attention by the guy and girl...it was 90's porn...people still had a little passion back then.

    Look dude. Porn is fake. Fake. Not real. False. An ilusion.

    Thats the first thing that made me go NoFap. I was, and have been living for 20 years, in a dream world.
    So much time wasted! My God....so much time and energy. And hurt and pain.

    Also, know that porn is MADE to destroy you. It is legal for a reason.
    Social engineering at its finest.

    Be angry, in a positive way.
    You have been struck down and morally maimed by a power that wishes your demise: through porn.
     
  8. tonard

    tonard New Fapstronaut

    1
    0
    1
    I couldn't agree/relate more. Very wise! Best of luck to ya.
     
  9. Lucas258

    Lucas258 Fapstronaut

    6
    0
    1
    I can imagine that intimacy is about the interpersonal dynamics of two people, as well as having sex. By fapping, we are only getting one ingredient to cook the feeling of intimacy. After sex, oxytocin is released, which is said to make you feel closer to your sexual partner (no doubt, it's not the oxytocin that causes this, but rather something a lot more complex). Just to speculate, maybe these chemicals are just a precursor of something more qualitative, rather than causing intimacy, they prepare the brain for it. However, when you don't get that emotional input, you are left feeling more lonely still, because not only are you not getting the intimacy that you (as well as I) crave, but you have also built up the brains expectations, leading it to feel even more dissatisfied, and leaving you feeling even more empty. This would explain, why you often feel empty after meaningless casual sex!
     
  10. teaandbiscuits

    teaandbiscuits Fapstronaut

    34
    2
    8
    I found your whole post very interesting and insightful and I can relate to most of what you say, however I just wanted to give my 2 cents regarding this one paragraph in particular please:

    You described scouring for the perfect video - the gem - that when you eventually find it you think "THIS is the one I've been looking for." I know the feeling that you're describing, and I also know that, sadly, I've found myself in the past ridiculously impatient/ flippant/ dissmissive whilst searching, by this what I mean is, clicking on a video and within less than 2 seconds clicking off it again and thinking "no, that's not the one."

    So from my personal perspective, I think the irony is (or perhaps it's not even ironic, perhaps it's actually rather fitting?) is that the constant searching is in fact searching for an answer to a problem that has nothing to do with porn. An emptiness, or boredom, or unfulfillment, that in essence is not sexual, but that sexual gratification can surpress it. And it works. For about 5 minutes, and then the familiar feelings of shame, embarrassment and emptiness return again.

    Once again may I say, De-Bonaire, very interesting post and it seems as if many people, not just me, can really relate to the things you're talking about.
     
  11. De-bonaire

    De-bonaire Fapstronaut

    49
    5
    8
    I think you said it perfectly. The searching is representative of looking for something real in a world of unreality. Thanks for your thoughts.

    And thanks to everyone else who shared so far as well. Hearing your perspectives has helped me gain new insights into this topic.
     
  12. Steel Fury

    Steel Fury Fapstronaut

    142
    54
    28
    I think porn is like really bad junk food. It's designed to give you temporary satisfaction of a craving, but to leave the feeling that there is something more out there. One of my most common thoughts after a relapse (and something I've used to suppress feelings of shame and guilt), is the idea that there is so much porn out there, if I keep exploring it, I might just find something better. This, I believe, is why we can never find the 'perfect' video or stimulant -- because we always believe there will be something better out there.

    I think that's also part of the reason for PIED among men who use Porn regularly. With porn, you can quickly close a video and look at another if it doesn't satisfy you. That's a little harder to do with a real person. The practical upshot of all this is that we can waste hours or even days looking for that 'perfect' material, only to keep convincing ourselves that there is 'something better' out there. It's a total waste of time and energy, but that hook is what keeps people coming back to it.
     
  13. kpots

    kpots Fapstronaut

    21
    0
    1
    I've watched interviews with ex-porn stars as part of my attempt to end my habit. You said they never look each other in the eye, and that's the impression I got from the videos. They didn't explicitly say so. They described the actions before the filming, and what's cut out during production, and it shouldn't come as a surprise, that they're brutal towards each other. Hearing that really disgusted me.
    Kinda rambling now... but it steeled me a little more to quit
     
  14. teaandbiscuits

    teaandbiscuits Fapstronaut

    34
    2
    8
    Where do you find these interviews? Youtube?
     

Share This Page