The last addiction

My name is nice guy and I'm an addict



My addiction to porn started when i was 12 years old, and it last for 13 years now.

No matter how hard i tried by my self, nothing worked for me..



So I've done a research on the web and find a short lecture on TED from Gary wilson "the great porn experiment", and it had open my eyes.



I raised up my hands and thought to my self that I need help from you guys, so I'm typing this post here to share my story.



I was born in a messed up home, my father was sn alcoholic, and since I was little I found a getaway from a my fucked up home in porn.



The change came when my dad passed away on December 31 in 2016 after organ failure.



The storm has passed, and I've started to do damage control to see how it affects me, my mental health and my addictions.



I found that I'm addicted to weed and alcohol, to eating my nails from the stress, and pmo.



My rock bottom was in 21/08/2018, the day that a professional Rheumatologist diagnose me with spondylitis arthritis, i was in saver pain for years and the doctor said that it's a chronic disease and it wouldn't pass for life.



My weight was 51 kg and 6% fat(skinny as hell)..



I was in shock and started to think about solutions for my problems.



I've done some research, and see something about psychosomatic pain that caused because mentally emotionally conflicts that didn't solved.



And as a kid who grew up with an alcoholic dad i had a few



So first of all i got totally clean and sober from weed alcohol and cigarettes because i wanted to be healthy from the body pain i suffered from, i went to support groups, started the 12 steps program, doing meditation every day.



I'm sober now for 1 year and 4 months today.



I gained 11 kg in body mass, and through solving and dealing with the anger and hard feelings in the 12 step program , I'm not suffering from pain in my joints and muscles tissue for 8 months now.



I found a decent job, i had a girlfriend for the last 6 months..



And we broke up before 10 days.



I'm trying to reboot for 1 year now and I couldn't do it by my self, i need a power greater than my self and that is our community.



I'm so weak against pmo so I'm asking for help.



I decided to go on hard mode, because every time I'm having a relations with girls my mind associated it with pmo, and i couldn't stop the obsessive thinking and using of pmo.



I wish us all the best.



Thank you for this platform, and for letting me share