I guess it took me very long to finally accept that, but really, that is the truth. I think this is something many more PMO addicts struggle with but they repress it because it's quite a shameful thing and honestly it makes you doubt your sexual attraction. Yes, i don't care how many would say it's ridiculous, it really isn't, it's just very difficult to accept. When you prefer STROKING dick to penetrating a woman, you can't really say you're straight. You're not technically gay either cause you're thinking of women, but then again, cognition only goes so far. That's like saying you are straight because you fantasize about women when having sex with a goat. I guess technically you're straight but you're also a zoophile. It's the same way with masturbation - you think about women but what you're really doing is stroking dick while sexually aroused. That's anything BUT straight. So yes, i was infinitely more aroused when watching porn and masturbating (stroking dick) than i was when i was with real women. I was infinitely more relaxed when i was stroking dick than i was with real women. With real women i felt strong anxiety, with stroking dick i felt no anxiety. I had infinitely better orgasms when i was stroking dick than i had with women. I didn't really feel an orgasm with women, more like a release like a sneeze. Ultimately, i felt infinitely more pleasure when i was stroking dick than i felt when i was with a woman. When i look at a real woman, i have no wiring that tells me "she gives you (sexual) pleasure". I do not associate any woman body part with "(sexual)pleasure". All my (sexual) pleasure wiring is "stroking dick" It is only fair to say i preferred stroking dick to being with a woman. That's why i'm saying that it is very uncomfortable to say i wasn't really straight to begin with but rather (at least partly) gay. What would be the primary characteristics of a gay person? Lack of attraction/pleasure when having sex with the opposite sex and no revulsion towards own sex. "No revulsion" that later transforms to pleasure.