Watch porn without masterbation? or the opposite? maybe the effects are less but it's all the fvcking same, i still am tired all the time, i can't find the energy or motivation to take a shower or do my chores or brush my teeth every morning, my room i didn't clean it for a month now and it stinks, last time i read a book? almost 2 months ago and i don't remember sh*t about it because my mind is fully occupied with perverted train thoughts that keep crashing and making me day dream when i try to have normal conversations with normal people, IT"S FVCKED but i can't control my subconcious at the moment, it takes time to fully be able to reprogram the most powerful part of the brain to be successful and DO THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY, i'm so self destructive but also numb, i only start to feel when i try to sleep and i wake up many times at midnight (MASTERBATION HELPS WITH SLEEP MY FVCKING A$$) i feel deep sadness and anger in my chest but i also don't (HOW?) just like watching fish in the aqcuarium, you don't touch it or feel the water you just know IT"S THERE but you can't touch it, that's me right now, i know that i need to cry and i need to get angry but i can't do that my brain wouldn't allow it, music helps a bit but still there's that constant numbness i can't get rid off (BUT THE TRUTH IS THIS IS WHY I RELAPSED SO MANY TIMES) it's because i wanted to get rid of these negative thoughts like anxiety, anger, regret, depression, lonliness...etc but i also got rid of happiness, excitement, motivation, love, and intimacy... EVERYDAY is the same sh*t, i don't even remember or count the days or look up to future events, the only thing i seem to care about is food, i just eat and eat and eat because it also numbs me even more, so after all that how the fvck did i convince myself that porn and masterbation is healthy or fine??? the subconsious mind is so fvcking powerful it made me feel like relapsing wouldn't make a difference to my success or happiness in life which is nonsense but i believe it as truth... but now i'm going to fully prepare myself, i'm going to watch motivational videos or sounds on my phone and just play them everyday until my fvcking subcounsious gets it that i want to quit forever, i'm tired of everything, i don't have friends and i can't meet strangers with having social anxiety and trust issues and fear of abandonment...etc so how's nofap going to magically change all that?? i don't fvcking know exactly how and i could theorize forever but the truth is that i tried it and it worked after 2 months i stopped being numb and reconnected with myself and emotions, cried everyday like a b*tch for weeks and was making serious plans to improve my life, not like what i'm doing now, just half assing everything because i lack motivation and energy and the mental clarity i once had... but fvck that life is too short and i'm already 23 with no friends and never dated before... cause i don't have the confidence or self belief or the energy to do anything or change anything, i simply don't believe in myself,, I'M FVCKING TIRED I'M DONE and i'm writing this while being numb too just a reminder, i'm not going to count the days, i'm going to make the days count
I know what you're feeling, it feels like we live in a loop, and that loop has led us to a pit so deep, it feels like there's no way out. But finally let's wait for someone who has experience to learn.
hey i knew what your feeling + im on my 30 this year look at my streak man not a single fvcking week yes day 0 today , GF / date ? the fvck is that motivation to better in my job in these fvckig bat fvcking virus era ? yeah man couple days ago my collages from work make a vid call like multiple vid call its like 4 people in there, im at ma house when somebody said,, where are you ? ah i see your in bathroom rn... when im in my house not in the bathroom (my room is messy yeah) but as fvck as the situation rn, im not giving up man... yes my streak is busted once again the same as my first streak when i tried nofap 4 years ago, beause i numb myslef in anime and korea drama for straight 2 days yes its hard situation rn because one man decice its ok to eat some bat instead a fvcking normal meal but no, give up is not an option my streak is bust because of anime and k drama, then i found that i must get rid of that simple as that do not stressed out too much because of it streess itself make us harder to achieve something as our body and all the cell response so bad when it come to stress so dust of your horn and get back again there is always some one worse than you yet there is always some one better than you, so it doesnt matter just become your best self, try again make urself happy in an healthy ways
