This Could Be It!

I've decided to participate in the PMO-Free November 2015: Don’t jerk off… for SCIENCE! nofap.com/?p=5203


When I say, "This Could Be It" I mean that this could be the time that I stop for a substantial period of time (or possibly for good). There is an argument that unless you decide to quit "for good" then you're just setting yourself up to act out again. http://bit.ly/wIDOcb

I'm not sure I buy that. Can I realistically say that I'll never masturbate to porn again? I don't think so but what I can say—unequivocally—is that I want to have long-term sobriety (at least 6 months—which I haven't had since I discovered porn on the web in 1992)! That was a long fucking time ago and I'm tired of this binge/purge pattern of indulgence and abstinence!

So, I've started again this November. It is November 5th and this is Day 5 for me. I connected with two women yesterday and so I shouldn't have been surprised when I felt like looking at porn when I got home. Neither of the meetings was a date and both meetings went well. So why the urge to look at porn? I think it was because I was feeling good and sometimes when I'm feeling good I want to feel even better. Or perhaps it was that I was faced with my loneliness once I was home by myself.

In any case, I didn't look at porn but I did get on OK Cupid to look at some of the women there. This is potentially a middle circle behavior although I would put it just outside the circle for now. If you're not familiar with the Three Circles Model, check this out: http://bit.ly/1GNvAdc. I'm not into SAA or the 12-Steps anymore but this model has served me well.

Besides posting on NoFap I'm doing the Fortify Program (fortifyprogram.org). I'm going to recommit to it since it won't really help unless I do it daily (like most anything else)!