Thoughts on Shyness

Awesome!

 

As a child I was very extroverted. In my teenage years I was very shy and full of anxiety. Only in my adult years I got back to my extrovert self.

So I have some perspective from both worlds.

Shyness was when I could only deal with myself. I was tired / fearful / worried / protecting / coping / etc. Things were just easier when I was alone. It was me vs everybody. I became self centered and my world became very small. I cared a lot about how people would react to me.

When I have the ability of social freedom I'm in a sharing / collaborative state. I care about how I make others feel in my presence. I express myself honestly and accept that not everyone is going to like me. I connect with those who resonate with me and we expand and thrive together socially.

Shyness was a way for me to limit the possible pain, problems, and negative experiences in my life. It was conditioned into me by negative experiences with other people. I had low self esteem. As I grew older I lacked the necessary experience of socializing so it became a bigger deal as time went on.

It was something I had to work on. It was outside my comfort zone. Repeated courage led to competence and repeated competence led to confidence. Repeated confidence led to more courage. Until I became like how I was as a child again.

Everybody is different. Everybody has things they're good and bad at. Shyness is just one of the things some people need to work on. Having good role models or resources to learn from helps with that process. You can get better at socializing. It just takes effort and courage. It's scary and difficult because people are unpredictable, outcomes are uncertain, socializing is risky, and you can't gain courage without going through the process of being rejected or failing.