Tobi - 21, Findom-/Femdom-/Fetish-Addict

Hey Guys,

I want to introduce myself to you and share my story here. I will also start an reboot log.

I'm 21 and I live in Germany. I am a virgin and I have a lot of trouble with watching porn and anything that gives you instant gratification online in sexual ways. I started watching porn at the age of 12 or 13. I never watched vanilla-porn, I started directly with foot fetish and femdom (female domination) porn.

I can accept my footfetish, but I have a hard time to accept that I like femdom and being submissive and stuff. Maybe it is the case that this sexual orientation is just natural and not porn-induced, but I think my porn consumption fired it up and brought it to another dimension. We all know that. We watch porn and after time we need the more hardcore stuff.

And one of that hardcore stuff for me is financial domination. Basically I get turned on when I am a slave to a so-called findomme and have to give her my money and fantasizing about getting broke for her and other really weird and self-destructive stuff while she laughs at me and humiliates me. I lost a lot of money acting that fetish out online. In my opinion it is a really destructive thing because findom not only fucks my account up and I lose a fuckton of money, but it also burns your self-esteem to the ground.

I need to stop that and I know that life is a lot better for me without this. I already tried out nofap on hardcore mode. My longest streak was 40 days. And already after some days on hardcore mode I feel the difference. I am a lot more confident and my sexual fantasies contain more vanilla-stuff and also me myself being the dominant part.

I really want to cut that addiction and that whole online-porn-stuff-watching out of my life. And I definitely need to, because otherwise I will destroy the best years of my life if not my whole life. I also want to work on my social skills and my social life in general. Until now I was a relatively quit guy that do not have so many friends and is still a virgin because I am really shy around girls.

I know from experience that I can work on that and can get better because several months ago I took some time and really forced myself to talk to girls and approach them wherever I see them when they were my type. I switched from 0 dates to sometimes 2 dates a week with different girls. Sadly evertime my porn addiction sneaked in and fucked up my confidence, so I couldn't really connect to those girls and never had sex with any of these. But it showed me that I can succeed and find a girl that I like when I take action.

That is basically my story until now. And now I will get back to nofap and will reach my goals.

You can find my reboot log here:
https://www.NoFap.com/forum/index.p...fetish-femdom-porn-from-ruling-my-life.86585/

Tobi

 

Thanks to both of you! I really appreciate this forum. It looks like it is a really nice community that wants to help each other, which is awesome!

And yes, I will try not to focus on my fantasies and also don't write so much about it. I think the best way to go is to forget that these things that I describes and online porn and everything even exist. Of cource it is really hard when you get the urge to fantasize, but you also should see it as something positive like a challenge. Everytime there is this urge to fantasize about the stuff you don't want to fantasize about then there is the opportunity to train yourself to take a step back and know that you don't have to do what your brain is saying and that you don't have to identify with the things it is saying to you. I mean you also shouldn't treat your brain like it is a bad thing, but a "oh thanks brain, you want to help me and satisfy me with a fantasy that would give me a nice instant gratification and that is just fine, but I don't need that, thanks." - mentality should be helpful. Easy to say, hard to do, but we can train that.

 

Hey!

I am not really active here, but from time to time I look if somebody replied here. Thank you for your support! It is good to connect with others having the same problems. I relapsed in the last days a lot, but I am back on track now. I learned to not feel bad about relapsing and getting more and more conscious when I do it and it even help me to understand what turns me on exactly and why. So even if you relapse, it can "help" you in a way to understand yourself better. It is part of the process and try to be conscious on what are your triggers for example when you pay or which humiliating things really turns you on. (Of course not relapsing would be the best, but sometimes you won't be strong enough, which is okay, if you not using that as an excuse of course).

 

@Sapharian Thank your for your comment! I also wish you all the best. Let's work on making this life an epic experience!