Transsexual Escorts

I have been recovering for almost 2 months now without slipping and without desire. Reading people's stories have been very helpful as it makes you believe you are not alone.

I won't get into too much detail on how it started but for the past 10 years I have loved transsexuals. It started with porn and escalated to visiting transsexual escorts. Every once in a while I try to make a list of how many I have been with. It is at least 20 different transsexuals. A few of them I have seen repeatedly. Some I didn't have to pay after the first visit as they invited me back because they enjoyed their time with me.

I never had unprotected sex and most times there wasn't actual intercourse. Often it was just oral sex. Usually it was covered but not always. A lot of times i wanted to kiss them but could never bring myself to doing that even when they wanted too. They were all professional and classy. I never picked them up off the street or anything like that.

I would go through the same cycle as most people here. You get high on the idea and then you cannot help yourself, you start browsing and thinking about it and then you set up a date and as you head over there you get nervous and excited at the same time and slightly scared. When you get there you are extremely turned on but not really enjoying it so much because you are nervous and then rush to finish. And then leave feeling ashamed and guilty and hating yourself. I would then swear i would never do it again until it happened again.

it has happened less over the years where there was a while i was going maybe once a month. The last transsexual I was with was last September so its been almost a year. I enjoyed it but I always felt bad in the moment so didn't enjoy it in the moment.

I had to always tell myself that these excursions always cost me time, money and mental energy as I would beat myself up over it for days.

Anyone else have the same experience? Message me if you want someone to talk too.

 

Good, you're doing it less.
Keep away from the PMO plus fantasies and you may find yourself not visiting them anymore.
Waste of money and you don't even enjoy it overall..

 

I haven't done it in a year but I am two months in recovery from porn, massages, and other forms of sex addiction. I just recognized it two months ago for what it was. It made me question my sexuality. It still does. I get very insecure about it. I am not attracted to men but a hot woman with a penis gets me very aroused. I also liked Lesbian porn and older woman with a younger guy porn.

 

Do you 'like' it or 'use it?
You're on this site for a reason so perhaps try to focus more on freeing yourself from something that isn't good for your life.

 

I am focused on freeing myself. I am in a good place now and feel like I won't relapse. It just feels good to be honest in my thoughts and feelings in a place where I can be honest. It feels good getting things off my chest.

I don't think i liked it so much as I liked the kinkiness of it. I never thought about performing oral sex before until I got hooked on porn.

The last transsexual i was with admitted that I didn't do it well. I never did it long because it always felt wrong.

 

It was at a point where i rationalized the behavior as normal.

 

I wouldn't characterize them all as batshit crazy. Most of them I was with were very nice. I would have probably dated a few of them if i wasn't in a relationship and insecure about my sexuality. When I say date, i mean having a relationship that doesn't include dates outside of the apartment. In that respect, i guess that is when you know its not normal.

 

I am now thinking of one and am getting aroused. I would love to go see her right now. What a disaster that would be! Change the topic. change the topic. Change the topic! I am not going to do that. I am stronger than that now.

 

Exactly. I think we don't understand the difference between 'rationalize' (ie. invent stuff) and being actually rational (ie. facts). Welcome to the human problem.

 

Lol I hear you. I tried to be very careful when I selected an escort. First, I would scan there pictures to see if they seemed a little crazy or not. And then I'd get a sense by calling them. Usually you could tell by the way they spoke on the phone. In all my experiences I never had a situation like your describing. My worst case was when I was living in a basement apartment and I met the girl outside and she asked if I could pay her so she could pay her driver. She was Russian. She never came back. Shocker right. Hindsight is 20/20. I was young! I then rationalized it by being happy I didn't do anything and saw the loss of money as my punishment.