Tried church, SAA, pure willpower, now starting over again...

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Down Zero, Jun 30, 2020.

  1. Down Zero

    Down Zero New Fapstronaut

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    Hey everyone,

    I am new to the NoFap forum, but not new to the struggle of quitting porn. I was first exposed to P when I was seven years old, and have steadily been acting out and getting deeper and deeper into the darker aspects of it. I'm currently in my second marriage, as the first one ended about a year and a half in because of my PMO addiction. My current wife and I have been married almost seven years now, and I've only been truly sober for about six months of that time...

    I have cheated on her physically IRL multiple times, the last of which was about four years ago. As a result of my addiction, I've been in and out of professional therapy, SAA, church groups, and more. The longest streak of sobriety I've ever had in my life was about six months. That streak ended after I had emergency open-heart surgery two years ago to replace my aortic valve and fix an aortic aneurism. (yay)

    The good news is that my heart is great now and I've never felt better physically. The bad news is that it was such a traumatic experience, I relapsed to my old ways of acting out with PMO, lying to my wife about it, keeping secrets, and falling into a deep depression. That cycle has gone on for years, and honestly, sometimes I doubt it will ever really change.

    I've had various filters, monitors, and other software installed in my various devices over the years, with varying degrees of success and usefulness. One of my problems is that I am very tech-savvy and I enjoy the challenge of trying to beat the systems without getting caught.

    I'm currently six days sober and all out in the open with my wife again. We have been working on following the awesome guide for blocking porn on all devices (Thank you @xXsinnerXx for putting that together!) it's an awesome list and very detailed, even for tech ninjas like myself.

    I have a good feeling about this latest reboot, and I think the extra levels of tech protection and venting with you guys when I feel like acting out will help a lot. My current challenge is a hard mode 90 day reboot to help flush out the last eight months of my bender and get me back on track for an open, honest, and loving relationship with my wife.

    I'll be 31 in September, former military (nine years Army National Guard, Infantry), and current small business owner.
     
    xXsinnerXx and Breakthrough23 like this.
  2. Welcome to NoFap Down Zero. I hope it goes well this time around. Wishing you all the strength and patience brother. All the best.
     
    xXsinnerXx likes this.
  3. xXsinnerXx

    xXsinnerXx Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to Nofap man!

    I'm glad you found that list helpful and thanks for telling me you like it.

    Wish you all the best on your recovery journey. Stay strong!
     
    Breakthrough23 likes this.

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