I don't intend to relapse any time soon. I'm really learning about my inner life & I'm enjoying that. But I'm losing my old sense of faith and I'm feeling very aware of this. I'm believing more in the process that seems to be occurring in my head. I'm just very actively avoiding p&m but my brain is changing my outlook & temperament towards a million other things without any kind of extra mental effort on my part. I'm believing more in this process. But this process doesn't tell me what's next. I'm losing my old faith and unsure about what this new useful one even is. I don't know what I'm gonna become like further into my streak. I'm in the dark in my own head and I'm just becoming more & more aware of this with each refusal to turn back. I'm grateful for the chance to refuse going back.
