Wanna get better my self

Hi all, It is pleasure to get myself better with all you guys, I have been masturbating since my 8th grade and since 12 years I had been doing this. I am writing this thread with my new achievement of 7 days streak. I have made this new year resolution to make myself better and improve over spirituality.

I have started this streak many times and last year the same new year resolution and only done a 15 day streak for the whole year and given up and never loop up doing the NoFap. But this time i have taken this as a challenge and wanna do the first 90-day streak in a single go and then continue the same streak, this was my thought on Dec 31st 2019. I was motivated that I have seen this as easy task even when I had 12 year of habit of masturbating and watching porn.

Day 1 to Day 3: I was so focused on the streak and never looked back and had a thought of fapping, I was happy that i will be achieving this.

Day 4: My brain started buzzing me as the sudden semen retaining, my brain bothered me that masturbation is a natural habit as I have retained for 3 days, doing 3 days a week is not a big issue. Then i looked for the app to keep track and engage myself and motivate myself and then where I have found this forum and signed up myself for this forum and start the journey with you guys.

Day 5: My brain started buzzing even more and my dopamine levels are getting higher and taking me to the edge and started infecting my brain and it has become very difficult part to resist my self and then I have started reading for motivation on controlling urges, but many pages are mentioning that Masturbation is a healthy habit and my brain started to brain wash me that it is a natural and healthy habit and it has been 5 days that i have retained my semen. Then i have read other forums and watched you tube videos where it is mentioning that NoFap is bullshit and masturbating is healthy habit, and retaining semen can cause problems. But still I have seen the comments in the video where NoFap members success stories are mentioned and regain my inner strength to focus on my streak and was successful thanks to all the NoFap members who have mentioned in the comments in the you tube even the video was about anti-nofap.

Day 6: This is day is worst day of the streak, my urges were very strong and i had a morning wood for about 15-20 min and had a very high urge to relapse and I have opened the you tube watched the orgasm videos to full length movies in you tube after one hour of watching, but i have retained my semen and did not masturbate. So have completed the MO successfully but failed in the 'P' and came back to zero level. This is the worst day of the streak.

Current day: I have been very focused at my work and started writing this story so that I can stay put and keep myself away from the urges even I have now but still trying to stay put and keeping myself even after this post, i have kept things to keep myself busy.