Wan't to share something about my life

[Deleted Account]

Hello Friends...I started to read about NoFap on Nov 2016. Started doing NoFap from 2017 without joining this site. Had many 10-14 days streaks till June 2017 when i thought of making an account on NoFap. I made an account on NoFap and still had some 10-15 days streak but never succeeded in freeing myself from Porn and after October 2017, i deleted my account on NoFap. After that, i got into severe addiction of Porn. I started to watch porn without release but usually failed around Day 7 with too much tension. I always stare at women in a very pervert manner. The problems of watching too much rape porn has affected my brain in a very negative way. I did a 22 Days streak on Aug 2017 without having phone with me and that was the highest streak of me till now, after that, i have not even reached Day 10 till now. I completed my graduation and wasted my 4 months vacation From Mar - July 2018. Now i am doing PG and i have left my Parents and my native place. I am living in a hostel now which is extremely dirty and lonely. I have never had a habit of staying alone and being a porn addict with an over-sensitive dopamine circuit made the depression worse. I PMOed yesterday night and now my Acne is back. When i wen't to this new hostel, people used to laugh subconsciously that i don't even look them into the eye, that is the level of my confidence right now. I am a little fat especially from my belly and i am really very less fit for my early 20 age. I don't know if i am the worst case of Porn addiction till now but i am really very depressed right now. My brain is all twisted up and now my further goal is only of Self-improvement. I have to write many things but i am so depressed that i am not fine right now. My parents have lost hope to me. Thanks for reading.

 

[newman198727]

Hey buddy, the important thing is that you are back here on nofap - that puts you miles ahead of all the other porn addicts out there. Whilst you might feel pretty alone at the moment, there are plenty of people on here that you can connect with and who are ready to support you. Many of them I would say have had the same feelings of isolation and hopelessness at some point i their lives - I know I have - particularly in the first weeks of trying to beat porn so know exactly what you are going through.
Generally what I have found is that with each little victory you start to feel better and more powerful. Each time you say "no" to an urge you come away feeling a tiny bit better about yourself until one day you think "hey, if I can beat this, I can do anything. I'm fucking unstoppable!"
Unfortunately you have to go through the tough times as well, deal with the relapses, the surfacing of other feelings etc. but that's essentially what this part of the forum is for - to support people through those bad patches.
You mentioned not being able to look people in the eye. One thing I have noticed is that after a few weeks of no porn, my confidence skyrocketed. I was having conversations with strangers, talking to the cashier in coffee shops, making people laugh - something I could never do before. I think once you begin to give up porn, you start to subconsciously leave the guilt behind and that frees you to begin to shape yourself into the person you want to be.
Stay strong buddy.

 

[Deleted Account]

Hey buddy, the important thing is that you are back here on nofap - that puts you miles ahead of all the other porn addicts out there. Whilst you might feel pretty alone at the moment, there are plenty of people on here that you can connect with and who are ready to support you. Many of them I would say have had the same feelings of isolation and hopelessness at some point i their lives - I know I have - particularly in the first weeks of trying to beat porn so know exactly what you are going through.
Generally what I have found is that with each little victory you start to feel better and more powerful. Each time you say "no" to an urge you come away feeling a tiny bit better about yourself until one day you think "hey, if I can beat this, I can do anything. I'm fucking unstoppable!"
Unfortunately you have to go through the tough times as well, deal with the relapses, the surfacing of other feelings etc. but that's essentially what this part of the forum is for - to support people through those bad patches.
You mentioned not being able to look people in the eye. One thing I have noticed is that after a few weeks of no porn, my confidence skyrocketed. I was having conversations with strangers, talking to the cashier in coffee shops, making people laugh - something I could never do before. I think once you begin to give up porn, you start to subconsciously leave the guilt behind and that frees you to begin to shape yourself into the person you want to be.
Stay strong buddy.

Thanks a lot brother !!
I feel good to be back. I just wan't to be like you who support here people in need. Misery in this early age just leads to death. Being a confident fearless person is what i dream for.

 

[hollyman]

Hello Friends...I started to read about NoFap on Nov 2016. Started doing NoFap from 2017 without joining this site. Had many 10-14 days streaks till June 2017 when i thought of making an account on NoFap. I made an account on NoFap and still had some 10-15 days streak but never succeeded in freeing myself from Porn and after October 2017, i deleted my account on NoFap. After that, i got into severe addiction of Porn. I started to watch porn without release but usually failed around Day 7 with too much tension. I always stare at women in a very pervert manner. The problems of watching too much rape porn has affected my brain in a very negative way. I did a 22 Days streak on Aug 2017 without having phone with me and that was the highest streak of me till now, after that, i have not even reached Day 10 till now. I completed my graduation and wasted my 4 months vacation From Mar - July 2018. Now i am doing PG and i have left my Parents and my native place. I am living in a hostel now which is extremely dirty and lonely. I have never had a habit of staying alone and being a porn addict with an over-sensitive dopamine circuit made the depression worse. I PMOed yesterday night and now my Acne is back. When i wen't to this new hostel, people used to laugh subconsciously that i don't even look them into the eye, that is the level of my confidence right now. I am a little fat especially from my belly and i am really very less fit for my early 20 age. I don't know if i am the worst case of Porn addiction till now but i am really very depressed right now. My brain is all twisted up and now my further goal is only of Self-improvement. I have to write many things but i am so depressed that i am not fine right now. My parents have lost hope to me. Thanks for reading.

me too have too many rape porn back then

Becarefull of rape porn, porn make us wana do something more and more extreme than before,,,i personally didnt want you to discover my porn section was because of rape porn,, all i can say is please stop it


Rape porn make me feel less human because im enjoy watching girl being hurt and thats my friend isnt normal human behavior ,,,

Next is confidence,, if u do nofap confidence will come to you automatically,, i rememmber back then at my day 60..it was one of my office event, im sitting next to cute girl, she no my type but she kinda cute,, i rememmber i'm not wearing my best suit back then and she just playing with her phone (didnt notice me at all),, and i feel boring with the event.. And magically i started to say hi to her and we have a good conversation there, i just cant believe,,, after that im thinkin abbout it , and maybe because u know if im still doin watch rape.porn back.then,, she will not enjoyed talking to me because my eyes will see her private parts (while talking) and my mind will full of rape porn scene... Im sure you know what im talking abbout


As for the belly and relapse

I found it very very hard to stay away from porn without have physicall exercise

Because i didnt have life to get away from porn, ussually i just playin video game and watch porn, i didnt have many friends,,, so exercise at the gym for me is the easiest and quickest way to get rid of porn addiction

Because after gym u feel tired,, and you cant watch porn at the gym,,, somehow ur body starts to change and u feel more powerfull eventually that will become ur new hobby and replaced that porn


Sure i go to gym and somehow i relapsed too,, but no such thing as usseles effort,,

Nofal its one of the best deccision i made,, if i fall i will evaluate and fight again

 

[Deleted Account]

me too have too many rape porn back then

Becarefull of rape porn, porn make us wana do something more and more extreme than before,,,i personally didnt want you to discover my porn section was because of rape porn,, all i can say is please stop it


Rape porn make me feel less human because im enjoy watching girl being hurt and thats my friend isnt normal human behavior ,,,

Next is confidence,, if u do nofap confidence will come to you automatically,, i rememmber back then at my day 60..it was one of my office event, im sitting next to cute girl, she no my type but she kinda cute,, i rememmber i'm not wearing my best suit back then and she just playing with her phone (didnt notice me at all),, and i feel boring with the event.. And magically i started to say hi to her and we have a good conversation there, i just cant believe,,, after that im thinkin abbout it , and maybe because u know if im still doin watch rape.porn back.then,, she will not enjoyed talking to me because my eyes will see her private parts (while talking) and my mind will full of rape porn scene... Im sure you know what im talking abbout


As for the belly and relapse

I found it very very hard to stay away from porn without have physicall exercise

Because i didnt have life to get away from porn, ussually i just playin video game and watch porn, i didnt have many friends,,, so exercise at the gym for me is the easiest and quickest way to get rid of porn addiction

Because after gym u feel tired,, and you cant watch porn at the gym,,, somehow ur body starts to change and u feel more powerfull eventually that will become ur new hobby and replaced that porn


Sure i go to gym and somehow i relapsed too,, but no such thing as usseles effort,,

Nofal its one of the best deccision i made,, if i fall i will evaluate and fight again

Thanks a lot Sir.
Gym is a little costly for me right now. I am preferring on eating good and less and with doing Yoga and cardio like crunches and jumping jacks. I will not leave NoFap life.

 

[Cowboy0547]

Thanks a lot brother !!
I feel good to be back. I just wan't to be like you who support here people in need. Misery in this early age just leads to death. Being a confident fearless person is what i dream for.

You write from the heart......which to me is a person of great value in this world. Also makes me very sad when someone at a young age.....entertains thoughts of misery and death & dying. Even in a casual way..... You have the fearless portion of your story well in hand. YOU ARE BACK. I am 100% sure I would not have had the guts to come back and try again. Much less be able to pour my "heart out" on paper like you can and do. I wish I was more like you..... There is no way you will ever lose if you never give up and just keep trying..... "Winners never quit and Quitters never win."

 

[Cowboy0547]

Hello Friends...I started to read about NoFap on Nov 2016. Started doing NoFap from 2017 without joining this site. Had many 10-14 days streaks till June 2017 when i thought of making an account on NoFap. I made an account on NoFap and still had some 10-15 days streak but never succeeded in freeing myself from Porn and after October 2017, i deleted my account on NoFap. After that, i got into severe addiction of Porn. I started to watch porn without release but usually failed around Day 7 with too much tension. I always stare at women in a very pervert manner. The problems of watching too much rape porn has affected my brain in a very negative way. I did a 22 Days streak on Aug 2017 without having phone with me and that was the highest streak of me till now, after that, i have not even reached Day 10 till now. I completed my graduation and wasted my 4 months vacation From Mar - July 2018. Now i am doing PG and i have left my Parents and my native place. I am living in a hostel now which is extremely dirty and lonely. I have never had a habit of staying alone and being a porn addict with an over-sensitive dopamine circuit made the depression worse. I PMOed yesterday night and now my Acne is back. When i wen't to this new hostel, people used to laugh subconsciously that i don't even look them into the eye, that is the level of my confidence right now. I am a little fat especially from my belly and i am really very less fit for my early 20 age. I don't know if i am the worst case of Porn addiction till now but i am really very depressed right now. My brain is all twisted up and now my further goal is only of Self-improvement. I have to write many things but i am so depressed that i am not fine right now. My parents have lost hope to me. Thanks for reading.

You sound so sure your parents have lost hope. I do not believe this to be true. Would you really, truely give up on them. They very much love you and care about you. A true man and warrior in life makes sacrifices of himself for the good and protection of others. You owe it to yourself and just as importantly to them to get this addiction under control. Make them proud of their son. You are way too hard on yourself. Give your belly a pat for me.....after all "it is all bought and paided for". Be grateful, lots of people all skin and bones starving in this world. You are not one of them..... Always the same we take our many problems to bed at the end of the day. And wake in the morning to find them gone or not nearly as bad.

 

[Deleted Account]

You sound so sure your parents have lost hope. I do not believe this to be true. Would you really, truely give up on them. They very much love you and care about you. A true man and warrior in life makes sacrifices of himself for the good and protection of others. You owe it to yourself and just as importantly to them to get this addiction under control. Make them proud of their son. You are way too hard on yourself. Give your belly a pat for me.....after all "it is all bought and paided for". Be grateful, lots of people all skin and bones starving in this world. You are not one of them..... Always the same we take our many problems to bed at the end of the day. And wake in the morning to find them gone or not nearly as bad.

Thank you so much. It was all about losing hope. I was fortunate enough to get back here. All i did was hiding from pain and misery with the help of PMO, many do it but i did for this. Everything single thing in this world needs a hardwork. I failed to do so, wasted my teenage with hand sex and now left nothing. We addicts have been made sure to glorify sex and girls on TV and movies and that's where our brain played the game. Porn didn't show any mercy to me. Had 1000s of friends, now left with 0. Had a strong athletic build, now left with a stupid belly. Have 100's of reasons to hate PMO, just need the ever needing guts to accept it.

 

[Cowboy0547]

Amen..... Acceptance is always so hard for me. I try not to think about the past and stay focused on or even dream about what is to come. So many good things and thoughts. My brain is way worse than most. In my life/behavior I do many things to hurt myself and not so much to hurt others. Therefore my thinking is all messed up and not at all flexible....... I am forever beating myself up and putting myself down. I know it is just a bad habit or mindset. It is so easy for me to understand and rationalise the good, positive things in life. But I get these overpowering bad, negative thoughts. I just start thinking "life sucks" cannot understand why I feel this way just "life sucks". For me a perfect setup to Fap..... So easy to watch some porn and pleasure myself instant pleasure and relief to get rid of the negative thoughts. Then it all comes crashing down. For me just gets more and more depressing because deep down inside I know it is wrong and sick behavior. Always the same ..... doing things to hurt myself. Then I think how can a person be so stupid to continue to do something that ends up making me feel so shitty.

 

[Cowboy0547]

And day 3. Woke up this morning and decided to breath in and breath out. Just trying to be a little better a person. Then I always LAUGH at myself. Here goes the BIG baby......taking his baby steps.....!!!,

P. S. HEY I SEE YOU GOT 2 DAYS......YOU "DA MAN" My friend.....

 

[Cowboy0547]

Your parents may have given up the hope, but I (we) don't

Will said Mr. R ......... The I is for sure a "we"...... I am "ALL IN"....

 

[Deleted Account]

Your parents may have given up the hope, but I (we) don't.
THere is always hope. Yes there is lots of hope.

If you are willing to be honest as possible to yourself, to nofap and to somebody in real life, you will get out of your negativity.

I want you to give an insight:

What you experience -> fills your head with certain thoughts.
Bad experiences -> bad thoughts (negative thoughts)
Watching porn makes the brain believe you had an experience -> give negative thoughts.

The big work is to find the negative thoughts and examine them if they are really true.
Once you see a thought isn't true, you don't need to believe that thought and it will loose the power it had.

In the meanwhile, try with all your heart to quit all kind of porn (virtual stuff).
It may help you to keep a day by day writing (here or just on paper) to check your thoughts.
It also may help you to spend time in nature on a frequent base.

Negative experiences have been more in my life since last 3 years. I left my birth place town where i spent my life's first 19 years, now i am leaving my parents. I am not one of those who can easily accept these kinds of negative changes and PMO knows it and it took its chance. I am not the one who can easily say "The show must go on". It will probably take time for me to adjust to some new situations...

 

[Deleted Account]

Your parents may have given up the hope, but I (we) don't

Will said Mr. R ......... The I is for sure a "we"...... I am "ALL IN"....

Thanks a lot Brother..i only follow those people who are worth it and you have been above all. Right now its all peace that i crave for. My brain is all fed up of the overdose of unnatural dopamine. I am with my parents at my home right now and will be going back tomorrow night. My brain is healing 1 hr at a time and i am really happy for it. I hope every nofapper finds peace anyway. I will be helping people here becoz i myself is suffering from such a bad thing. Now there's hope and we must make sure to use it rightly. I was just a stupid to think "it's ok to watch porn without fap".

 

[Cowboy0547]

Negative experiences have been more in my life since last 3 years. I left my birth place town where i spent my life's first 19 years, now i am leaving my parents. I am not one of those who can easily accept these kinds of negative changes and PMO knows it and it took its chance. I am not the one who can easily say "The show must go on". It will probably take time for me to adjust to some new situations...

It is such a learning thing this game of life. You are teaching, showing, reminding me and HELPING me to find my way along this journey. Hey you want to be here to help others. You are ALREADY helping me as we speak. I see (2) likes on these posts Mr. R & myself, you see ALREADY what he said yesterday is true it is a "we" not I situation. You are so good for me right now. Being positive not negative is a major issue I am working on as we speak. Really are no positive or negative experiences. For me it is how we react and deal with life experiences. That determines whether we perceive it as a good or bad thing. People "say live and learn". To me that is so true. If I think about my life a bad experience even a very bad experience is really a positive IF I REPEAT IF it is learned from and I don't make the same mistake over and over. There is great value in being able to "say been there....done that". Tells me HEY it was bad or sucked but I dealt with it or got through it and I am a stronger better person for it. After all it is the game of life "the show DOES go on" this reminds me there may not be time to as you say take the time to. A person might have to adjust or deal with it right away. The mentality of these people that go from "rags to riches" I do not understand totally but greatly admire. Two things ALWAYS stick out. They all say everyone should "have it all and then lose it all" so to speak. They all claim it points to the meaning of life. Really does not matter so much what they get back. But every little thing they get back the level of appreciation and gratitude is tenfold. They also learn the real value and importance of things material or otherwise. The other big thing I see is their experiences are just that life experiences to them. You see the words good and positive all over the place often. Occasionally the word bad pops up..... but hardly ever. And the word negative almost does not exist. I was trying to understand how they "block out" the bad, negative things. As I read about this more and more about this type of person I am starting to think it is their attitudes and belief systems will not tolerate bad negative thoughts. Could very well be they are so positive things like that never occur. They never fail, they learn. There is no multi-tasking. They decide do it, it is a time thing give it to another or throw it away. Regardless it is a win, win deal. Done, gone and forgotten never on their plate again. Also great attention is paid in detail to every little thing and doing it well. After all they are human, very satisfying to start and finish things and do them well. All claim do less to get more done. Sorry if I get off track but You do cause me to think of many things. THAT'S A GOOD THING. THANK YOU...

 

[Cowboy0547]

Thanks a lot Brother..i only follow those people who are worth it and you have been above all. Right now its all peace that i crave for. My brain is all fed up of the overdose of unnatural dopamine. I am with my parents at my home right now and will be going back tomorrow night. My brain is healing 1 hr at a time and i am really happy for it. I hope every Fapstronaut finds peace anyway. I will be helping people here becoz i myself is suffering from such a bad thing. Now there's hope and we must make sure to use it rightly. I was just a stupid to think "it's ok to watch porn without fap".

I am leaving my parents. Then you are at home with your parents. And you are coming back tommorrow.
See how we all are. Starts out we are leaving. But we go back home. It was so good we already planning to go home again.
You see what I see. You say you are gone. But your actions speak for themselves. You really go nowhere because you love them and care about them. Just as they will always be there for you.
That is such a happy thought for me. THANK YOU...