Hey Everyone! Short Summary (if you dont know who I am): 21 year old gay Male. Addicted to porn since maybe early high school. Recently Started therapy for my porn addiction but never committed fully to Nofap. I'm a new Fapstronaut, and my first streak started about 9 days ago and ended about an hour ago. Im doing Nofap for myself, and my reboot is planned to be no PMO, but eventually I'd like to find healthy ways to M and O with and without a partner in ways that aren't destructive or excessive. Props to all of y'all that can do the full PMO but I don't think thats for me. I'm never going back to Porn though. With that out of the way, Im going to create one of my first threads. Every week or so I'll post into this thread my update for the week. Read it, skim it, skip it, I don't really mind. I think it's more for me to see and track my progress. I think this will turn into a journal but we'll see. Constructive Criticism and comments, tips, similar stories are always appreciated. Anyway. I started about a week ago when I got a glimpse of what my life might be like if I succumbed to porn and I had a strong desire to quit. I made sure that I wasn't googling anything, checking anything on instagram, going on messaging apps and the like. I've never noticed how much free time I have now haha. It's such a time waster to watch porn and masturbate constantly. Over the past week, I've never felt happier. My mood has improved, I'm less angsty, less depressed, less anxious. I find myself happy to go out and be social and talk to people. I didn't feel like I had this hidden weight inside that I had to lug around everywhere. Not only that, but I felt a lot more free, both physically and mentally. I don't overeat anymore, I'm more mindful and I stopped comparing myself to others. That last one is really big because I feel like porn exacerbated my insecurities and flaws. It's not to say that I didn't get the urge to fulfil my urges. Early on, it was very annoying the few times that I got an erection but I think I knew deep down that I had to do this for myself so I pushed through. I cut out all touching myself down there (except to clean and pee obviously). that helped greatly. Later in the week, I was surprised to discover how much my supposed "sex drive and libido" was based around the desire or the habit of masturbating and porn. I'd say I have a regular sex drive now, rather than the high drive I would always say I had. I didn't get anywhere near as horny as I assumed I would. I also didn't really think of porn at all, which was super strange. I think it just wasn't present in my mind at any point which is a bonus. I definitely would say that today wasn't any different than any of the other 9 days previously. Although I did make the mistake of masturbating to orgasm, I feel partially happy. The silver lining was the discoveries I made during that time. Firstly, I didn't watch porn, nor did I feel like I needed to! I honestly believe that it was more fulfilling a physical need rather than a mental habit like the last times I've masturbated. Secondly, continuing on from there: I didn't fantasise about porn or any sexual fantasies or things of that nature. I was there, consciously in the moment. It was more me and my body which was nice. Thirdly, It was only a week, but I was happy to see the sensitivity return. It was like 5 minutes, not even. I honestly didn't expect it and it makes me really optimistic to not having death grip anymore, eventually. I think it was just pent up energy this time round. Finally, I think I was most happy finding out my triggers and shortcomings straight after. Half the battle is over. The next step is trying to strengthen my will, which will come with time. I'm very surprised that the desire to pleasure myself is still present 2 hours on. Rebooting will help stabilise That IMO. Some tips I found which helped: 1. Take it day by day. Seriously. Rather than setting a lofty goal and then stressing out constantly, take it as it comes. if day by day is too much, hour by hour and so on. 2. Dont touch yourself down there. Especially if you're bored. I had a tendency to just rest my hand there which causes blood to flow. It's actually what made me fail this week. Especially with the hand you usually masturbate with. 3. Move on. If you feel bad, know that theres another day, or hour or whatever time frame you need. Regret tends to make you reset. 4. Find something you're passionate in. For me, it was music. Music helped distract me and it's something I can pour the hours I have saved from not masturbating and watching porn. 5. Sleep. As much as you need. Between 7-9 hours is the sweet spot for me. It does wonders when you dont wake up cranky, and look for porn or masturbation to soothe the discomfort. 6. Same goes for toxic things/people. Try and cut out everything that makes you feel bad. Some things are unavoidable, like work or family. The things I cut out were chocolate (it makes me queasy) and big portions of food. 7. Socialise. Talk to people. even if its your family or one friend. Try opening up. It's actually not that bad with someone you trust. 7. If you are going to masturbate, stay in the moment. Be conscious. It's just you in the moment. Pay attention to your own needs rather than looking for inspiration elsewhere. Sorry for the long-winded nature of this Post. I'll try and cut it down as much as I can moving forward. Thanks to everyone in this community. I appreciate all the stories and helpful tips. Im hoping I can last at least twice as long, starting from tomorrow. Heres to hoping 18 days or longer. Thanks for reading (or skimming!) Peace.
It's been about a week, so I figured I should post an update on my journey. I haven't watched any porn since the 9th of June which is amazing! 17 days without porn and I can honestly say that I don't even think about it. Even when I have urges (which ofc we all do) I dont think it pops into my head at all. On that point, I feel a bit weird. On one hand, cutting out porn completely is a huge change in my life. On the other hand though, it feels like nothing has changed in my life. I can't explain it. I don't think of sex as much either which is great because its not constantly interrupting my life! haha. Like I mentioned previously, it's insane how much time I have free because I cut out porn. Even if I sleep in till 10 (which is often, I'm on my uni break), I don't feel as though my day has passed as one big hazy moment. Unfortunately, I've had some trouble staying away from masturbating. Apart from my last streak (9 days) my largest streak was just ended today (2 days). For me, masturbating was always a soothing activity if I were stressed, and I think that was what caused me to break this time round. Plus, I think I'm still stuck in a rut in terms of habits surrounding masturbating (but its a lot less than before). A short list of the triggers I've noticed are written below: 1. Stress 2. non-sexual touching of that region 3. looking at instagram girls (but not instagram men which is interesting) 4. Procrastination I'm sure there are more, but those are the main ones in my life currently. On the instagram front, I merely point to the stereotypical pics of women in bikini's and whatnot, but they dont have to exist in instagram solely if you catch my drift. On the topic of masturbating, I'm trying to practice: 1. Conscious Masturbation: I don't know if this exists or not, but I think it's something along the lines of staying in the moment? If the urge comes and I really don't know how to stop I try and make sure that it's more about the release rather than the fantasies? I reckon its somewhere like a halfway stop for me but I want to try and stop it for extended periods of time. I tend to feel the same after I finish and I get a killer headache too so its probably not the healthiest thing ever. Also, If anyone could reach out, How do you stop after you get going? Im really struggling to get into that mindset of I can stop and it won't be detrimental. I think its something to do with thinking "well if I've already lost my pmo streak by masturbating might as well feel good about it" you know? Some tips would be helpful on that note. That brings me onto my next step I want to try. I really suck at giving into my emotions and desires, so I want to find ways to try and improve my willpower. I just end up hating myself more for giving in, rather than for actually MO. I think Part 1 of my recovery is well on the way, but I do think I should try and do other things with my time in order to maximise my overall quality of life. Im thinking I'll start to exercise tomorrow or something, but I feel like my parents will judge me heavily if I decide to go out for a run or workout after like 6-8 months of not doing anything. Meditation and Mindfulness is another key thing I want to focus on. I think it'll be really good for accepting myself and staying calm when things stress me out. Plus, it's an activity I can do instead of MO, which is also great. Side note: Does anyone else fear who they were before they started their NoFap Journey? I'm constantly afraid I'll relapse and it'll be more traumatic or darker or worse than before. Plus, considering some of the stuff I've seen / PMO'd to, I'm also afraid that somehow I've unlocked some hidden repressed sicko inside that actually desires it (all of which makes me sick to my stomach). Either that or I desperately want to shut it all out. I don't know. Maybe it's a side-effect, but I really don't want to think on it in the future at any point. Still taking everything day by day so I'll monitor it and get back to you all. In any case, Thanks for reading / skimming. Hopefully by this time next week I'll have a longer streak and more positive news to deliver to you all. Thanks for being here, Peace. P.S. Sorry for the long read (and the wait).
