Hello all! You can call me Lake. I am 21. I am a devout Christian who can do a little better. I don't mention Christianity until the second line that is in bold. If Christianity or religion in general is a topic that is upsetting to you, feel free to skip that last part after the second bold sentence. Below is my story. I have struggled with masturbation ever since I was a toddler, probably. It is common for toddlers to do this, without realizing what it is. I think I was 8 when I started applying fantasies to my masturbation. They weren't sexual since I didn't know what sex was, but looking back, my fantasies were obviously BDSM related. I would make up characters in my head; some who would be chained up and tortured, and some who would torture then. I never pictured myself as the one receiving or doing the torture. I felt super evil, but I couldn't get these fantasies out of my head, especially when I was bored. I still didn't know what this was until I was probably 17 - I was a very sheltered kid and only learned briefly about what sex was in my health and biology classes. I researched what I was doing and felt a sense of comfort knowing that this was masturbation, and that it was normal and healthy when done in the right ways. But then I felt evil for my fantasies..."What sick person would be sexually attracted to hurting people?" So I researched this and found out that I had a BDSM fetish, which led me to discovering porn, which became a frequent new activity. I felt so satisfied in the moment of masturbation, but depression and overwhelming shame would follow immediately after and i could not rid myself of the feeling. What's more is that it seemed like BDSM was the only thing that would "turn me on." I wasn't sexually attracted to anybody - just my fantasies. In fact, sex scared me for other reasons, and I claimed myself as an asexual - an identification that I was really proud to find. Here is where things get a little weird...and slightly supernatural. Throughout my life, it seemed there was always a consequence after I masturbated, especially if it was continuous. My best relationships would fail out of nowhere, or my closest friends would be upset with me. No one knew about my tendencies, no one saw them. Maybe the shame I felt over masturbation clouded my judgement in my bonds with other people, and caused me to make poor decisions? Was I lashing out, over-compensating? At the same time, when I look back, it doesn't seem that way. It almost feels like a punishment, or a curse. I have always had Christian values, and last year I became more invested in my religion. Yet I knew that my lustful desires conflicted with my spiritual beliefs. Was God punishing me? Or was I making it easier for the Devil to enter my life? I wonder if the relationship problems are supernatural consequences because of how out-of-the-blue they appear. I will create another thread regarding this where you can give your thoughts. But that is my story. I want to get over this shame. I want to stop this addiction right here and now.
Hi, welcome to the community I would recommend you to stay in touch with members and read their success stories. You may also learn tricks to avoid the short-term pleasure and to face the temptations. Be AWARE of your habits and control what you see and what/who you spend your time with. It's also important to limit the usage of social media. In addition, never be free! Use your free time as much as possible and do sports, exercise, attend classes, etc. This video contains everything that you need to know about porn addiction. Lastly, here is a collection of ways to deal with the urges which worked great for me. ֍ You got this my friend ֍
Hey, welcome to the NoFap community : ) It's nice to see you here fighting the good fight alongside us! Allow me to go ahead and drop some helpful links for you: Getting Started Guide / Forum Rules / How to Use the NoFap forums/ Glossary/ NoFap Panic button / Set up your day counter / Rebooting Resources/ Accountability groups (new!) / About NoFap/ Support NoFap Here is just some advice: First and foremost please take a careful look at each section in the forum, there may be something(s) you will find to be of big help to you. Secondly I advise you to be active on your profile(as there a few active people in the profile section). Please start by choosing an avatar and then begin posting frequent status posts to show you're active and needing support/encouragement. The forum has got a neat little feature that shows freshly posted statuses for all users to see. People will find your profile and give you support. There’s a portion of people who love communicating in the profile section..(it should be and is )mostly spportive talk but it doesn't hurt to deviate from supportive conversations. It would be great to have you join in and become part of the team! We support one another in the threads, profile posts, and journals/reboot logs. Once you receive some support, please be sure and be grateful to the member for the help/support you received and consider giving some in return to anyone you wish. Thirdly, you should highly consider creating a public journal/reboot log (in the appropriate section for you) to write about your days in depth for us members to follow along on your journey and offer support to you on. Last but not least: Good luck on your journey here, make sure to really give it a try with all your heart!
