Well lads!

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by EireTunlad, Jun 22, 2018.

  1. EireTunlad

    EireTunlad New Fapstronaut

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    Let me start by saying how pleased I am to join!
    I've been reading bits and pieces every night before I went to sleep for the past week until I finally decider to grow some balls and do it!! Thanks to ye
    Let me introduce my self, I'm a 28 years old this August, based in Ireland. I have been in a relationship for 6 years that ended couple years ago due to the lack of interest... You can figure why I suppose.
    I have been struggling while with her and after! I'm not sure what I want or if I want it anymore.
    Last time I went home with a gorgeous girl home and couldn't do shit (the worst part it was Valentine's day), that was a year ago.. And haven't even tried to make a move since then even though few girls showing interest in me..
    I'm basically depressed and have no clue how to fix myself, I kinda feel clueless and kinda lonely the past few years! Seeing most my friends in relationships and having kids makes it worst! I became unsure of what I want and even thought of being sexually confused..
    I won't shut up if I describe how unsettling having this issue can turn your life upside down. It's like a chain shur , and I believe some of ye would know what am on about.
    Looking forward to get some help and share my advice if I could as well, it will give my hands something better to do than fap for a start

    Regards.
     
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  2. mcade

    mcade Fapstronaut

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    Hi 28 here also and new to working to get better myself. I will say people here have been supportive and for me this is not easy. I have had this issue for a very very long time and it is a daily issue. I know it has had negative impacts on my life which is why I hope to change. Wanting to have relationships and that being messed up by PMO is an issue for me just the time it has taken away is something I regret.

    I wish I had some great words of advice but I don’t other than your not alone with this. I hope you reach the new place you are working towards.
     
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  3. I am in my later 30's good for you guys to do this, if there is one tip I can give its write down how porn/masturbation is effecting you so when you get those urges even at 300 days I get write down how you feel after you have acted out so when you get those urges you can look at the list and say no thanks to porn/masturbation if I can do this so can you
     
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  4. Nadamotain

    Nadamotain Fapstronaut

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    That is a wonderful way to write a gratitude list as well. That helped me to beat alcoholism. Hated it the first week. I couldn't think of more than 5 or 6 things I was grateful for. I've been off alcohol for over 10 years so I have that successful habit to rely on to beat the porno habit. Good luck to all!
     
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  5. mcade

    mcade Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate the suggestions from you both. It seems writing things down is a major part to the success. I am going to do that today but to be honest I feel like it’s embarrassing like a sense of shame. Which ironically is how I feel after PMO.

    Weekends are the worse for me so trying keep myself busy and away from the computer today. I hope I can reach more days of not failing or giving in to things.
     
  6. EireTunlad

    EireTunlad New Fapstronaut

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    Thanks lads!
    First of all, writing down and talking is the #1 solution to most issues, specially if it's in the mental side (which we all noticing how it's affecting us physically..)
    Second I haven't a clue where to start or what to do.. This forum has like a million threads, and everytime I start one I notice people using abbreviated terms and they aren't detailing most of the ideas due to the knowledge of being Here for longer.
    I will be having a read every night to get up to dated with the whole thing before I can participate,
    Work and social life is very hectic currently which making me slow
    Thank ye all.
     
  7. Hi. Welcome to forum!

    Make sure you create a personal journal thread in Reboot Logs section and blog there on a regular basis. As well as just generally be active participant in various forum discussions. I recommend this to everybody new here because it's the major thing that helped me when I was first starting. Just lurking on forums, reading and learning is great. But it usually is so much more powerful to engage. It helps to keep us motivated and accountable when we are active part of community. And keeps this in front of our minds so we don't forget about importance of it and slip away in our old habits. Sharing is also therapeutic. This is a major reason why AA meetings work so good. But that was developed before internet era. These days we can get most of the same benefits online through communities like this. So don't underestimate the power of active participation.

    I would also like to suggest you to look into mindfulness meditation. It has helped me personally tremendously to learn how to deal with urges and triggers. It takes a while to get good at it and notice results, so you need to be consistent with it, but once you do it's very powerful. It has been used by sages for thousands of years to deal with various issues of the mind. And in recent decades the science is also catching up to what ancient sages have know for centuries. Meditation these days are widely used as very effective tool by psychologists for treating addiction and by neurologists for supporting recovery of the brain after physical injury. Plus it is generally a great exercise for the brain the same way as jogging is great exercise for the body.

    You gotta make sure it is proper mindfulness meditation though. "Mindfulness" meditation where we just focus on breath is more like a concentration meditation instead. It works too but differently and not as powerfully in my experience. Real mindfulness meditation however trains you to accept your urges by understanding the nature of them by observing them, not just suppress them by concentrating on something else instead. It makes you comfortable with them. And once you accept and become comfortable with them there is no need to get rid of them, so there is no need to PMO. Only reason why we PMO is because that urge, that itch in our crotch is uncomfortable, we wanna get rid of it. And then after PMO we have our release. Or we simply want pleasure. And inability to have that pleasure makes us uncomfortable. But if we accept that we can not have pleasure then resistance is gone and there is no reason to PMO.

    Acceptance and mindfulness is the key. Check out this Ted talk on acceptance and mindfulness practice, it gives a good idea of what's it's about when it comes to philosophy. The mindfulness practice as described by psychologist in a the video can be used by itself but ideally should be used as supplementation to your daily sitting meditation. Sitting meditation I personally practice and recommend to people is as explained by meditation expert in this YouTube playlist. If you don't like the monk or want other method there is this awesome smartphone app called Headspace for guided meditations.

    Wish you lot's of strength and success in your reboot journey!
     

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