What are boundaries and consequences?

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by LostHopeWife, Jun 10, 2019.

  1. LostHopeWife

    LostHopeWife Fapstronaut

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    Perhaps a silly question but I'd like to know what sort of boundaries and consequences you've set up with your SO?

    Short summary: My husband is a PA and we've been sexless 19 months of the 26 months we've been married. We have a little boy and it's hard for me to just get up and leave but every threat I've made to leave hasn't stop him from doing what he does. Desperate for help.

    Thanks!
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  2. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

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    I’m unaware of your exact circumstances, but here’s what I did.

    I read as many books, internet articles, & watched videos etc...as many as I could and then I decided my bottom line. My situation is a bit different as I don’t have children at home.

    My heart is with you in your decisions, but I can say my child would be my priority. Safety and security above all.

    Take care of you first and foremost.
     
  3. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    Wow, you are newlymarried I’m so sad for you.

    We have a site expert who is known to have helped hundreds on the boundary topic. @GhostWriter
     
  4. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    Hahaha at the site expert comment. He has no more information than anyone else here, just louder and angrier. He says he left the site but constantly lurks and creeps. He now communicates by private message only so no one can argue with his BS. The narcissism runs strong.
     
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2019
    hope4healing likes this.
  5. bikinhappy

    bikinhappy Fapstronaut

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    my wife is currently pregnant.
    her condition is not comfortable of having sex.
    so we're supported by condition :)

    however I'm learning about sex transmutation.
    that can change ejaculation into other form of energy.
    later when my wife is able to have sex with me, I will try so I'm not O
     
  6. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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  7. lfromcr

    lfromcr Fapstronaut

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    I had some time to come out here real quickly so I thought I'd answer. First of all, it's not a silly question. Most women I've talked to don't know where to start when it comes to these particular issues. (Most of them are like I was: "I don't know what boundaries I'm allowed to set!")

    This is what I learned in the betrayal trauma training I attended, and it's what I tell the women I work with.

    Boundaries are
    1) Whatever you need to feel safe enough to let your guard down around him again
    and
    2) Address your deal-breakers

    Consequences aren't as straight forward, but I tell my clients 'you have to find his currency.' For some men it's sex, for others it's money, for some it's risking embarrassment, or something else. But looking at that is a good place to start.

    And don't be afraid to get creative. I've come up with some that were pretty 'out-there', but they caused my husband to finally get it.

    (Now if your guy is completely resistant already, that's a different story. If this is the case and you have further questions, feel free to send me a direct message. That way I'll be sure to see it.)

    Hope this helps.
     
  8. LostHopeWife

    LostHopeWife Fapstronaut

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    Wow this was so helpful! Thank you! I get it now!
    Once I'm in the mood to start making the effort again, i will bring these up. Currently I'm at a point where I've given up because nothing I've done has helped over the past two years and I'm sick of being mummy to him and telling him to work on his issues.
    I feel like I'm one step closer to being ready to end it. He's pushed me to the point I thought I'd never be at.

    Thanks for your answer.
     
  9. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

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