What are our sexualities for?

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by HippyMinstrel, Aug 5, 2016.

  1. I was just thinking: what are our sexualities for?

    After all we just assume that our sexualities are something we have, and don't give much further thought about them.

    But what are they for?

    Biologically speaking, the answer to that question is quite obvious. Reproduction. And many people (even some religious communities) agree. Sex is just for reproduction. It has no other purpose.

    But is that the sum total of our sexualities? Doesn't it feel like something is missing?

    On the other end of the spectrum you have the nihilistic account of sexuality: sex can be whatever you want it to be. That is, there is no underlying purpose or teleology to sex. It is simply something humans experience.

    This sort of perspective usually expresses itself through functional hedonism. Your sexuality, like your appetite, is simply another vehicle for you to obtain pleasure. And there is nothing wrong with having a little bit of fun, right? So you can have sex with as many people as you want, masturbate to as much porn as you want because, hey, sex feels nice and you have a right to feel sexual pleasure. This seems to me to be the dominate perspective among porn users.

    And then there is the middle road. People who recognize that too much sexual activity can be harmful, but don't necessarily agree that we should limit the sexual act to just reproduction. These type of people usually argue that sex has a higher function than just reproduction: sex connects us to other people. It strengthens the bonds between couples, knits together the relationship that is at the core of the nuclear family, and, even beyond its function as an intimacy hack, it is emotionally satisfying and uplifting. It allows us to feel some of the most powerful emotions: love, devotion, loyalty, passion.

    However, is that the sum total of sex? Or does it have another function I have not yet mentioned? Where do you fall out among these three options I highlighted? Or is your perspective a fourth option, which I failed to include?

    What do you think sex is for?
     
  2. Jen@8675309

    [email protected] Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Very interesting concept. I think if sex was strictly for procreation, it wouldn't feel so darn good. People would just do it when they're planning a family. I believe that it's primary function is for two people to connect in the most intimate way possible. Children are a happy byproduct, sure, but the fact that sex doesn't result in a pregnancy every single time tells me that it must serve other purposes.
     
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  3. MetalFapper

    MetalFapper Fapstronaut

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    I often have mental struggles with this. I was raised in a very Christian up bring and although I don't consider myself highly religious now, i do occasionally feel guilty about indulging in sex. I like to think I fall in the middle ground area, but honestly I go back and forth a lot as to what my views are.
     
  4. Flossy Carter

    Flossy Carter Fapstronaut

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    Even in some if not all religions, Sex is a very important part of any relationships.
    It helps bond couples together and feel more attraction from each other.
    Sex basically floods the brain with Dopamine and Oxytocin and the couple feel more intimate with each other.
     
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  5. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

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    Building connections. Lots of connections
     
  6. The human failure

    The human failure Fapstronaut

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    >implying sexual contact
    >implying relationships

    My entire family line ends here. I know that for a fact.
     
  7. VirtualEunuch

    VirtualEunuch Fapstronaut

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    I'd like to add that if we consider not just humans but other sexually active species they are not capable of having thoughts like "Let's start a family" because they do not have the language to express it. But they can probably experience pleasure and that drives them to sex, it's an instinct.
     
  8. VirtualEunuch

    VirtualEunuch Fapstronaut

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    While sex does not result in a child every time but has the potential to do so any sexual activity with a person with which one does not want to start a family is only possible because contraception is available; so the invention of more and better contraceptive mechanisms led to a sexual liberation because it allowed people to have sex just for fun and with no side-effects. Without it we wouldn't have the option of non-reproductive sex.

    I think that different people have different opinions on non-reproductive sex and with which and how many partners to have it. I feel as long as everything is consensual they're all valid.
     
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  9. Son_of_Iroquois

    Son_of_Iroquois Fapstronaut

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    That's a good question. On the material level I think that the pleasure and drive to have sex is strictly to do with evolution. We're talking millions upon millions of years of highly focused activity developing certain nerve cells clustered in certain areas which brings a tremendous amount of pleasure and satisfaction, which is due to the chemicals released in the brain before, during, and after sex.

    However, there is also a dark side to sex which we all know. There is jealousy, feelings of extreme depression if you lose someone you love, and deep inner turmoil when you feel that you cannot obtain adequate sexual attention from who you lust after. So there is the animalistic side of sex which most people are governed by. Most people are driven by their sex drives and have no control or awareness whatsoever over it.

    On the mental level I think sex represents a union between the masculine and feminine energies of the universe. The sanctity of that union will depend upon the level of self awareness that the man and woman have.
     
  10. Son_of_Iroquois

    Son_of_Iroquois Fapstronaut

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    Exactly. And lets not forget that until very recently the entire world had a very high infant mortality rate. It was common for a family to lose 3 out of 5 children before they were strong enough to survive on their own. So death and disease was a regulating factor on the human race.

    Now we have modern medicine and can ensure the survival of pretty much every child, barring a serious incident. So in effect we have circumvented the checks and balances that nature has put in place.
    This is why the world is struggling with over population and unfettered reproduction, people keep having kids and take for granted that it is their right to do so no matter their circumstances.

    So I see nothing wrong with using sex just for personal pleasure and fulfilment. People who get married but don't want kids would fall into this category. The intense drive and emotions involved in sex were never meant to exist in the controlled state of prosperity that we now enjoy. Sex evolved from a place of constant misery, death and suffering.
     
  11. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    But then only humans would procreate, because we are the only species who can think and plan ahead.

    But in our core, we are animals, and all animals procreate without thinking. Animals even see no connection between sex and birth. Therefore, all animals have that tremendous sex drive, because otherwise they would vanish from earth.

    So sex is a law of nature. Sex is the reason why there is life at all.
     
  12. VirtualEunuch

    VirtualEunuch Fapstronaut

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    Excellent point. I would like to add that societies are adapting to the high survival rate. More education, more money, more equality, less religion and better healthcare lead to parents having fewer kids, in the "Western world" it's mostly below at 1-point-something children per woman, way under the required "replacement rate" of currently 2.1. Thus I assume overpopulation is a temporary problem and over time less children will be born. Then of course there's the "Idiocracy" problem ...
     
  13. VirtualEunuch

    VirtualEunuch Fapstronaut

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    I love this analogy but I'm not sure whether I agree with it. Can't there be a healthy sexuality that does not involve marriage but multiple partners over time? How much of reserving sex for marriage benefits the man and woman who are wed and how much is for the benefit of society? Not sure about it.
     
  14. Son_of_Iroquois

    Son_of_Iroquois Fapstronaut

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    I agree. As the world becomes more enlightened, hopefully the population will become sustainable. The "Idiocracy" problem is a real one, though. This is especially true of countries that incentivize having children by providing social welfare specifically for that purpose.
     
  15. Noelle

    Noelle Fapstronaut

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    I am by no means a sex expert. But honestly in my 21 years of life I have yet to find anything as intense and emotional as two people making love. Just thinking about my boyfriend and the commitment and obsession we have gets me choked up. When you look into your partner’s eyes and, for just a brief moment, all the troubles and pain of life melt away and fade into the darkness…that to me is the culmination of life. Everything good and bad, evil and righteous condensed into a second of pure ecstasy.
     
  16. BlackKnight

    BlackKnight Fapstronaut

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    I personally believe that if a person is ready to have sex, such as myself, should just do it. Though people shouldn't have sex until they are at least 16. I'm 17 btw
     
  17. VirtualEunuch

    VirtualEunuch Fapstronaut

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    How do you know you are "ready"? Asking as a 31-year-old virgin. Also it's not as easy as "just do it" because you need two people who are not only ready but also willing to do it with each other.
     
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  18. BlackKnight

    BlackKnight Fapstronaut

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    You just do. Its this feeling that you have, kinda in the back of your mind that tells you that now is the time to have sex. I'm a virgin too, but this school year, I'll be losing that fast
     
  19. oversexedsami

    oversexedsami Fapstronaut

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    Don't rush into sex just because you feel "ready" and think it's now or never. This just seems like a mission in your mind to lose your virginity because you're tired of relying on pornography for your arousal and release. If you're here, you're already well aware of the fact that you are impacted in a negative way by porn and the cycle of PMO. Porn also tricks you into thinking that you're ready and that you're missing out by not having sex already when that is not necessarily the case. Sex is much more than a physical experience. It is a very emotional experience and many times people act on sexual urges just to realize that they weren't ready or they had sex with someone they did not want to. I just urge you to think carefully with the big head upstairs before going off and trying to haphazardly fuck someone.
     
  20. oversexedsami

    oversexedsami Fapstronaut

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    I agree, it isn't just that easy. It isn't just like some magical age that you turn and all the sudden you're ready for some sexin'. I think that it is very important that someone feels comfortable in sharing the most intimate part of their bodies with someone who they care for, trust and want to connect with on a deeply physical and emotional level. It is a very vulnerable state of physicality and emotionality you've got to be willing to share and able to trust that person with.
     
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