What are YOUR thoughts?

This is going to be a place where I can put my (semi) unfiltered thoughts out there for people to comment on, or ignore, whichever works; I'm hoping this helps me work through my think process and notice patterns that cause me to turn to PMO.

 

Is it really bad?

So I've been struggling with depression for years now and I'm naturally a pessimistic person. I'm naturally drawn to controversial art, films, music, philosophies, etc.

Well I've been thinking about whether or not it's objectively wrong to indulge in PMO and this is the gist:

• I personally don't think it's objectively bad to MO, despite being raised in a religion that strictly teaches that it is.
• P is more difficult; I despise what is does to our minds and society by hyper-sexualizing everything and everyone. Sexuality is normal but normalizing some of the acts often shown in P is not cool with me. A lot is unethically produced as well, acting as a drive for sex trafficking. However, that's not to say that I think all of it is bad; people should do what they want.

 

Sexuality

I was raised LDS and like many other Christians, was taught lots of strict rules and regulations in regards to sex. Now it's not to say that the LDS church teaches that all sex is, but forget about anything outside of marriage. This is strongly illustrated in the Book of Mormon many times but the harshest of the lessons is given by a Prophet to his missionary son who slept with a prostitute; he rebukes his son and (paraphrased) says that sexual sin is the most abominable of all sins, behind only murder and denying God after knowing him perfectly.

That, in addition to masturbation being a sin, creates a culture among the members that jerking off is next to murder. Growing up I felt like a piece of trash cause I would masturbate; I followed all the other rules and was actually a pretty good kid but I felt like a murderer damned into eternal shame. The emphasis placed on PMO in the Church was corrosive to my self esteem and I still suffer from an unreal self hatred.

Sex is not bad. Sexual feelings are not bad. And NO, masturbation is not just behind murder on the list of bad things you can do. I still hold a hive of resentment toward the church for that.

 

Homosexuality

While I'm not gay, I do think that homosexuality isn't talked about enough in this community or in the sexual addiction world. Shame around sex knows no boundaries, regardless of sexual orientation.

I always heard "hate the sin not the sinner," when talking about homosexuality growing up. I don't like that; the statement itself is implying, and to some extent encouraging, hate toward someone based on their feelings.

Regardless of religious belief, I think it's wrong to treat anyone poorly. I don't have any factual basis for this, but sometimes I wonder if the extremity of the gay sex lifestyle is due to the taboo nature that we put on it. And once you've opened yourself up to one form of taboo, it's easier to get into other forms. Just look at our PMO addictions; not very many people started out with the really depraved stuff. We probably started with models, then softcore, then hardcore, and then the next thing you know you're paying money to have women humiliate you.

Let's get rid of taboos and stigmas!

 

Relapsing

I have a very hard time with relapsing because I carry so much guilt and shame. PMO triggers floods of these emotions that create some of my darkest and most irrational thoughts.

“I’m not worth the trouble that I give people.”

“I’m such a fuck up. Everyone’s lives would be better without me.”

I know that these things aren’t true, but I can’t believe them when in these moments of shame. Relapsing can teach us but I hate it so much that it’s near impossible to see any bright side.