What counts as a "relapse"?

I posted a comment similar to this in my journal, but I would appreciate any comments from anyone who might look at this thread instead:

"OK, I am at a loss. Can anyone help me clarify my thoughts? By my rules, I have both stayed PMO-free but have also relapsed.

PMO-free: I have not gone to any website devoted to Porn of any type in the last 9 days. I have not Masturbated at all, and thus have not gone to Orgasm. BUT ...

I have looked at pictures. It's an easy thing to do - especially when I go onto Facebook and see the that friends of friends have posted, say, pictures of college-age girls on spring break. Something inside me still drives me to pull up these pictures and just look at them. My fucking addicted brain.

I have erected at times, while thinking about my most common fantasies. Again, my fucking addicted brain just has to think about these things. I've kept "hands off", but still ...

My first entry in my new journal was all about "being normal" and those last two paragraphs describe actions that are not normal. Normal people don't just pull up pictures of young women and look at them for no reason. Normal people don't waste time getting erect to fantasies. So, in my mind, I have relapsed repeatedly during the last 9 days.

I don't know what to do right now. I guess that my goal now should be to not look at pictures or think about fantasies. But I'm TERRIFIED of this - 30+ years of PMO has convinced me that there's NO way I can succeed at that: my brain automatically goes there dozens, if not hundreds, of times per day. Comments or thoughts, please?"

 

I appreciate your reply. Thanks!