what do I want? ... how about what dont I want?

all my life I just wanted one thing and that was do everything possible to not look like my dad , so I decided to act the opposite in my eyes my dad was a loser somebody who abandoned the family so I guess I just hated to look and act like him, every time somebody asks what do you want from life? my answer was just don't wanna be like my dad NOTHING ELSE NO CAREER NO PROFESSION NO FUTURE JUST DONT BE LIKE DAD maybe that's one of the reasons why I never committed to any relationship I was afraid of failing, afraid of leaving, of being a coward afraid of doing what my dad did.. its really unbelievable the way our parents influence us even when we don't want to.... I don't blame my dad for my situation.. for my lack of commitment in my relationships I am an adult just with some problems I never understood why I was so afraid of commitment afraid of failing now I know better because the early years of my life.... I'm trying to change...be a better person maybe commit to a relationship ...its very hard but I will once I find somebody I feel happy with.. I used to say I don't know what I want but I know what I don't want ...I guess I always concentrate on what I didn't want in my life that I forgot to pursue what I want (only If I knew) ...now I don't want to say I don't want I want to say I want this job I want this house I want this I want that little by little I know what I want SOMETIMES ITS HARD TO KNOW WHAT I WANT WHEN ALL MY LIFE I JUST KNEW WHAT I DONT WANT..... my mind was always a little twisted but now I WANT A BETTER LIFE !!!