What in the fuck....

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by B1257, Jun 20, 2019.

  1. B1257

    B1257 Fapstronaut

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    Hey everyone!

    Hope life is good and people are making progress.

    I wanted to post today because I relapsed last night. I didnt look at porn, PMO or anything for weeks but then I was out of town for work and went to a massage parlour.

    I thought I was doing so well and bam...i messed up.

    Has anyone out there shaken the massage parlour escort habit. Porn doent seem to be an issue anymore. Got that on lock down (for now atleast) but when i get bored or stressed i find myself behaving deviantly.

    Its the oddest thing. I know what im doing is wrong yet I continue to do it. Got my life in check except for this. Its a dark secret no one knows about that I want to shed. Was feeling strong but today i dont know...feeling like shit about it all.

    Looking forward to hearing from everyone!
     
  2. APurple1

    APurple1 Fapstronaut

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    We are only as sick as our secrets. I shared your habits for a long time. What void or need do you think that those parlor visits fill?
     
  3. B1257

    B1257 Fapstronaut

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    I have honestly been asking myself that exact question and I would say it’s feelings of loneliness, boredom and being alone with myself. I have a good group of friends and wife but being by myself seems to be difficult. I get this dread that comes over me. This feeling that none of this really matters (life in general).

    What was it for you? And how did you beat it?
     
  4. bikinhappy

    bikinhappy Fapstronaut

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    how is your relationship with your wife?
    are you open with her?
    are you still in love with her?
     
  5. B1257

    B1257 Fapstronaut

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    Open and Very much in love
     
  6. bikinhappy

    bikinhappy Fapstronaut

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    Hmm, it's strange... if you open with your wife then why you go to massage parlor?
     
  7. B1257

    B1257 Fapstronaut

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    This is the thing I have been asking myself, I dont know. I don’t have an answer to be perfectly honest.

    I think I have developed a bad habit. It seems to come out when I’m stressed, bored or lonely.
     
  8. im_alive

    im_alive Fapstronaut

    That's addiction for you - seeking comfort in something when you are stressed, bored or lonely.

    Seeing that escort is meeting an unmet need in your life. The trick is uncovering what that unmet need is.

    But who am I to give advice - I'm in the same situation as you.
     
  9. Luvspin68

    Luvspin68 Fapstronaut

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    To OP
    How do you think your wife would react to this if she knew? ( I am assuming she does not know).

    I wish you luck on your journey.......
     
    Butterfly1988 likes this.
  10. B1257

    B1257 Fapstronaut

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    Totally agree. I started seeing a therapist to uncover what the hell is going.

    No she doesn’t know. Am I happy about it? Of course not. Am I ashamed? Of course.

    I can’t quite put my finger on when this started and why. I do think it has something to do with loneliness and boredom though.

    I appreciate all the thoughts and discussion here.
     
  11. B1257

    B1257 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you brother!! I am grateful for this community.

    All the best to you as well!!
     
  12. William Wallace

    William Wallace Fapstronaut

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    I struggle with sensual massages at parlors. They are more addicting for me than porn. I am also married but my marriage is unhappy, however that is still no excuse to engage in this behavior, it is just plain wrong.

    Do not let this control you, rather you control the acting out. Let me ask you.....are you ever intoxicated when you go to these places? That has been an issue with me.....the majority of times I go is when I am intoxicated, so that has been something I have to watch out for.
     
  13. William Wallace

    William Wallace Fapstronaut

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    Any by the way, Luvspin68 is not a brother, but a sister lol.
     
  14. B1257

    B1257 Fapstronaut

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    My apologies Luvspin68. I didn’t realize.
     
  15. B1257

    B1257 Fapstronaut

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    Very rare if I am intoxicated. That being said I am often tired (from working long odd hours, I work in the film business) or lonely (my wife is out of town or we haven’t seen each other in a few days (she works in fashion so our schedules are very messed up).

    I am starting to think it has developed as a coping mechanism for not being able to be by myself . I could be wrong though
     
  16. cBettyford

    cBettyford Fapstronaut

    Yess! It happened to me many times. I thought I was doing so well ... felt confident, in my power ... and next I am quickly checking who’s around, then just messaging, then ok why not make an appointment, then on my way ... and undressing. Rest is obvious ;)

    Every time I was doing so damn well, I realized, I got careless, I simply would slacken the reins without noticing it. Now I put myself on zero tolerance, this helps me to be constantly reminded. - Idea popping up. Nope.

    Not sure if that could trigger too much but when you feel like getting a massage, which in itself can be relaxing and take away stress, then deliberately choose some clean therapeutic medical massage place. You‘re straight, have a man massage you. And while, if needed keep your thoughts focused on clean stuff, start counting, have some mantra ready: bread is good, bread is good, bread is ... snore :).
    No triggers then.

    In all cases: Stay focused and remain attentive especially in times of doing so well. You are feeling damn well? Immediately remind yourself: Ahhh dangerous. Ok. Got you. No.
     
    B1257 and William Wallace like this.
  17. bikinhappy

    bikinhappy Fapstronaut

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  18. bikinhappy

    bikinhappy Fapstronaut

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    Hey bro, because we're in the same situation that's why we can encouraging each other.
    Never lose hope, and never underestimate the power of helping others.
    I can say that the big part of my 30th day streak is because I support others here.
    The good part of this community is there are plenty of people that we can encourage.
    My pray for you brother, Keep the faith! :)
     
  19. B1257

    B1257 Fapstronaut

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    Hey! Mad respect for sending me these links. I’ll take a peak at all of them.

    I totally agree, this community is inspiring.

    Thanks to all of you who have chimed in and all of you who will. Hopefully I can repay you ten fold with my story one day!
     
    bikinhappy and cBettyford like this.
  20. Florida Freedom

    Florida Freedom Fapstronaut

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    I think it comes down to being satisfied. If we were truly satisfied with our lives, our God, our life situation, there would be no hunger for these other things...…………..when you eat a big meal, your stomach sends a signal to the brain saying "You are full, you are satisfied, you dont need to partake of anything else"...…………...if we were truly grateful for all the good things in our lives, even the simple pleasures of life, that signal would go out and say "You are full, you dont need anything else" and we would listen.
    My God help me listen to that signal...……...especialy with my wife going out of town this weekend.
     
    Ajikan likes this.

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