What ive realized about any success with addiction

Any success i have had with addiction was because i really wanted to quit not because i should. Somtimes i felt like i really wanted to quit but then i relasped and realized why. I was trying to quit because i "should". Deep down i like the feeling, deep down i feel like i need pmo to an extent, deep down i feel like i will be doing it again eventually.

The times i really quit something was either the feeling wasnt good to me anymore or i had an experience that turned me off so bad i didnt want it again. Like the time i quit drinking for 3 months, was because of a girl situation that blew up in my face and it was because of alcohol. Every time id have an erge my mind would go right to that and not to the good feeling. I ended up drinking again because of my constant pmo relapses/depression.

Now how do i get from knowing i should quit for my future, to wanting to quit because i hate this feeling/lifestyle, and cant stand doing it anymore?