What should I do?

Day 0 again!
I have said enough and also I mentioned about when I am alone in the house, all by myself it is hard for me to resist. I think I am trying to reboot on my own and failing again. I never visited NoFap emergency tool in last few months. I thought I can control it with will power but I think now, I do need guidance about this stuff. I have failed again today, I was at home alone, nothing to do precisely and as I relapsed day before yesterday I was still in the porn memories. I have not thought this through, I rarely get such empty house to myself and gave in. I am responsible for my own action. The house is still empty but I am feeling more emptiness from inside my mind and body. I masturbated twice and second time was really like some mentally ill patient doing things without control. This is rock bottom for me in my rebooting journey, yes I had seen worse but there must be end to this porn addiction. I just hope today was or is the last day of my porn influenced life. I will abstain from every trigger even while watching television. Next time when I will be alone I will meditate if I am free and alone at home. I do not have words today and I can feel the pain in my penis as this habit of masturbating to porn is unnatural and that is why the pain is there. The only rule for this reboot is to avoid all the trigger and staying strong with feet on the ground. When a girl will give me proper sexual release as the nature intended then only I will think about sex. Otherwise I have enough work to do these day lets focus on that. Metta.

 

I will try that.Thank you.

 

Thanks, I feel better after reading this!