What would you do if you caught your kid fapping to porn?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Saserman, Mar 2, 2014.

  1. Saserman

    Saserman Fapstronaut

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    I'm sure many of us don't have families (including me), but assume you have completely eliminated PMO from your life, got married and had children and raised them. Then one day you caught one of your kids fapping to porn. How would you react, considering your horrible experiences with PMO. I would assume none of us would want their kids to go through the same problems that they did with PMO

    In my case, I'll probably have the kid sit down, inform him about how messed up PMO is and what it can do to him, and maybe show him that TEDX presentation to get him convinced.

    Thought this would be a good topic to discuss about
     
  2. Mark

    Mark Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    I have kids and I guess you could say they are particularly 'well informed' about this sort of thing. They, especially my eldest (17) were a little shy about it at first but I think they think its cool that they can talk to their dad about 'anything' (literally!) which I think is pretty cool too!;)

    Heres a thread I put together when I was two weeks in and decided to talk to the kids about this stuff (and WHY I waited a couple of weeks!;))

    http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthre...ange-you-want-to-see-in-the-world-quot-Gandhi
     
  3. Clive

    Clive Fapstronaut

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    I would be very careful with this, as I sense there might be a little bit of harshness in your approach. From experience, I would advise that at all costs, do not shame your child. If he feels shame, even if you didn't intend it, it can lead to further addiction and/or a disconnect in all subsequent communication with you on the topic.

    If I found my son was doing it I would talk to him about how it is normal to feel sexual feelings and want to experiment with them. I would tell him that probably 99.9% percent of males experiment with masturbation at some point. I would also tell him that in this day and age most people will come in contact with pornography at some point. I would then tell him that although it is common, it is something can become very powerful and addictive, can lead to other serious problems, and can potentially get a good life off of a good track.

    I would tell him to work on improving his control over those feelings, and recognize he doesn't need to act on them through masturbation. I would talk to him about the realities of pornography, and how it is an industry that degrades and defiles women and children.

    I would tell him there will be a time and a place to experience all those sexual feelings to a much greater and healthy degree (marriage), but that for now learning how to control those feelings so that he can be empowered and have full control over himself is most important!

    If it's not done in love it can produce the exact opposite effect and make things worse. Again, I speak from experience.
     
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2014
  4. Saserman

    Saserman Fapstronaut

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    Ah, I didn't mean to imply that I would be shaming him. I would simply inform. Your approach actually sounds like the kind of approach I would take.
     
  5. Special10

    Special10 Fapstronaut

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    Oh dear - have to disagree....

    My dad shamed me with the porn I was using (magazine of course!) when I was 16.

    Kidz need privacy....

    However, well meaning you are...and done in love etc..etc It WILL shame them and lead to pain...

    My advice ....sort your own life out.....leave others, especially, your loved ones, well alone....chances are if you're OK they'll be OK!!!!

    Stay Strong - all the best
     
  6. Mark

    Mark Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Honestly no shame involved just honest open conversation etc. I actually have a laugh about this sort of thing with my kids and I never tell them what to do (because that did not work with me!;)) only encourage openess and honesty. And I know they appreciate it because they tell me and are really balanced kids. I remember my parents didnt have a clue how to deal with anything (still dont!) but i dont blame them now, even though I did, because I know they only did/do they best they know how. I even remember my mum finding some mags and waiting before we had a house full of visitors before unceremoniously deciding to enter the living room and slamming them on the coffee table whilst demanding I "get that filth out of this house!" in front of everyone! And I was a shy kid so you can imagine:eek: But in many ways she taught me how NOT to be and even though i do still have a few 'issues' with her and that kind of upbringing (which I am very open about) I'm kind of grateful to her for that at least (and we can laugh about the coffe table incident now;))
     
  7. PrinceYann

    PrinceYann Fapstronaut

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    I would let my kid do it for a time, then I would talk to him about the subject. I would watch closely how well he was going on his others activities and if I saw that fapping was messing with his performance in other areas I would make hints to let him figure about the possibility of not fapping anymore.
     
  8. FapensteinsMonster

    FapensteinsMonster Fapstronaut

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    MAN! That really is NOT the way to deal with a kid about this. If it's one thing I've learned about ALL addictions (alcohol, drugs, porn etc.) is that SHAME is the fertilizer that allows the addiction to grow and thrive. Shame tells us that what we're doing should be hidden, kept secret and told to no one, and there in the dark, it can grow and get stronger.

    It is only by bringing your problems out into the light in an open and empathetic way that the addiction will start to lose it's potency. Through my interactions through people here and at my S.A.A. meetings, I've felt the cravings and urges get less and less. When I learn that I'm not alone and that there are others that feel and do the same things, I feel empowered and the PMO Monster in my head weakens a little more each time.

    We were all kids once. When your mom and dad told you that there was something that you shouldn't be doing what did you do? You went right out and did it of course! Nothing is more appealing to a kid than "forbidden fruit". The more stigma and mystique you attach to something, the more a kid is going to want to do it.

    I'm not saying you should be like, "hey Jimmy, why don't you come hit the bong with dear old dad?" or "you wanna borrow my Penthouse collection?" I'm saying that a parent should be open, honest, direct and mature about any discussion about sex. Just be very straightforward and matter-of-fact as possible. And for God's sake, DO NOT make them feel ashamed! They'll just run and hide, never talk to you about it and do what they do in secret until they end up on NoFap someday.

    Most kids, especially boys are gonna masturbate eventually. We all discovered it one way or another. It's a natural part of growing up and discovering your sexuality. More and more often I've had to tell my 9-year-old son to get his hand out of his pants. He realizes it's there and I think he's discovering that touching it feels good. The conversation is coming and I need to be ready for it. Good parents will have to put aside their anxieties and be caring and open with their children so they have a healthy attitude toward sex and sexuality. Masturbation is not evil or bad, but as we all know, if done in excess, it can have potentially devastating consequences. WE didn't have the knowledge and resources that our kids will have, so hopefully they won't have to worry about resetting their PMO counter someday.
     
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2014
  9. Nate007

    Nate007 Fapstronaut

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    tell them i used to do the same thing at their age and see how they react. in the end parents should let kids figure this one out on their own pretty much though
     
  10. 74soupsoup

    74soupsoup Fapstronaut

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    Masturbation is very healthy in the self-exploration of youngsters, but this is no substitute for relationships and socializing in a confident manner. I wish I knew this back in school. My mom used to catch me, giggle and then had my father put a lock on my door.
     

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