Where It Began (In Brief)

What happened was not your fault. Moreover, you were at an age in which you were very impressionable. The way you explain your reaction sounds a lot like my own experience when I was that age. It makes me angry to think that a nice kid like me got exposed to that.
Your musings about society are valid, but you have enough on your plate in dealing with the PMO. Shame and disgust in yourself (I sense you may be feeling that) are ultimately unhelpful. They are not strategies.
If you have not seen a psychologist or therapist about your addiction, well, I think you should. It has been the #1 thing in my recovery, but I still struggle every single day.
I wish you the best and I know you can do this.

 

As you are a Christian, and as I try to live to those principles, I can tell you, it looks like this is our challenge in this time. Nobody says it is easy to live according to these high standard values. It is only said that they pay off in the long term. This is all the bible is about: sacrifice what you eager most in the present, to receive salvation in the future. I think this will always be a struggle for you / us. A never ending challenge, like a good relationship that you commit to. The craving will maybe never go away, but you can master it and deal with it. And will get easier over time.

My story is quite similar, although a different generation. I was 10, my parents and me were at some friends place and we children were allowed to watch VHS cassettes on our own. So we watched a toon, when it was over, I was browsing the VHS cassettes, on one was written: P.O.R.N.O.
No idea what that meant, and we put the VHS in. The first seconds, I did not even realize what I saw. There was a huge thing in front of a woman's lips. When I found out, that this was a Penis, I was shocked and disgusted, I mean, this is where the pee comes out, why would she want to have that near to her face and why is she shouting? Is she in pain? It was brutal, and incredibly interesting. We watched the whole movie, I wondered if this is how adults behave in real. And then I was really motivated to come over to my parents friends place over and over again because of that VHS cassette in their collection. By the way, we were three children. I was ten, a friend 11 and the guys daughter was just 8. And we watched Porn.

 

Man, I think you are a really together guy. It just so happens, like so many of us, you have a serious addiction. And you told your wife! I have never had the guts to do such a thing, although she has a couple of times told me in a kind hearted way she saw my browser history.

If you have talked with her about it once, you can do it again. She would not think less of you.

But, like me, I think you need some private counselling first. I am consumed 24/7 by the desire to "just look" or to just masturbate to relieve myself. However, I recently made some genuine progress, but all the thanks is due to getting help. And the help must be from a professional. There is no shame in getting that help. You will be a stronger man for doing it.

 

Browser history? I was paying much more attention. I am pretty sure, it would have been impossible to find out about my porn obsession... beside my PIED.