Why did I start doing this now

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Everyonelies, Jul 23, 2019.

  1. Everyonelies

    Everyonelies Fapstronaut

    I had been making good progress. I haven't looked at porn in 38 days.

    I had sex last night and the chaser effect was too much and I wasn't prepared. So I masturbated while fantasizing and came. I did this morning at work, and now I just did now before I tried to fall asleep.

    I'm stressed, but not really unhappy. I don't know if what I'm doing is some deeper psych thing or just dopamine. I need help understanding what's going on.

    I'm not struggling with porn, I don't have much desire for it at all. So, did I just trade a dopamine addiction for another one? Why is porn not problematic but now fantasizing is?

    Wtf... At least I could turn off my phone and make it difficult. It's so easy fantasizing. Now I have to fight this? My brain needs dopamine that bad that now I have another fucking addiction?!

    God What Is wrong with me? Will I always have this dark passenger in my life? I want to be left alone!
  2. llortaton

    llortaton Fapstronaut

    My Journal
    Hey, don't worry. This is afterall, the same addiction, Wether fantasizing or not. Think about it. Our imagination is unlimited, and you can imagine all of your most drastic fantasies, with detail. See, our imagination is as powerful, if not, more powerful than porn.

    Beware of your thoughts. (not THOTS)
    Everyonelies likes this.
  3. Eaglevision_2019

    Eaglevision_2019 Fapstronaut

    What do you fantasize about?
  4. Everyonelies

    Everyonelies Fapstronaut

    Nothing way out there. I fantasize about just... sex... I think in my mind I can control everything and somehow it almost feels more real than actual sex which is obviously a lie. It's hard to explain. Fantasizing... everything is how you want it or need it or crave it.

    Human contact and connection is harder. I feel like I am not feeling something. In my mind l can connect.

    Does that make sense?

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