Im currently 100 days porn and masturbation free, im very lucky, in that my partner hasnt ended the relationship and we are trying to have a normal sexual relationship. But i have a problem i dont understand and cant find an answer to, although we do have fantastic successful sex, in most instances when she is the one to initiate anything, i either lose my erection midway or fail to orgasm, PIED was a big problem in the early days, but although things have improved, it sometimes does happen. DE is still a problem most of the time, but we work around it, i love her deeply and want more than anything to regain a normal healthy sex life with her, but this issue is destroying us both. Why do i fail when she initiates things? I want to be intimate with her, and i enjoy making love to her so why does this keep happening? Its almost as if my brain and my body want me to fail, and destroy whats left of our relationship after the betrayal of my porn use. Any advice is greatly and urgently appreciated.
Was using porn for 18-24 months, and yes i have had years of real of experience. Current relationship of 12 years, if it is PIED why would it be more often when im not the one initiating things?
I would look into some form of therapy or professional 3rd party to help you look into the psychological and emotional pathways that are surfacing below your conscious awareness. Could be a good sign, ironically, that you have gotten to the deeper more fundamental obstacles that lead you to the P addiction in the first place. Get your self-exploratory cap on and start investigating that internal landscape. Journaling is a great place to start if the process of pursuing greater self--awareness is kind of intimidating or new to you. It is the only way to really know what the problem is and find resolution in order to fully connect with your partner. So, in the meantime, be sure that you are openly communicating with your partner about thoughts and fears, considerations and struggles as you attempt to solve your intimacy problem. By doing this, you are choosing to be vulnerable to her with these internal feelings and thoughts (the journaling is important as it gives you a place to put those things into words first adequately and with considerations to a more easily communicated message, having a better idea of the actual shape and direction of the multitude of things we feel and process in any given day so you dont overwhelm her with every single thing going through your mind). She will have less confusion and hopefully be less inclined to assume that she or her shortcomings/ flaws are reason for the "rejection". Being vulnerable is an essential component in truer intimacy, and I think many here struggle to even know what that means for them personally. Basically if it makes you uncomfortable it is likely due to anxiety about becoming vulnerable in some way. Maybe allowing her to initiate sex triggers a response from your brain about potential vulnerability that you have yet to really let go of. Hate to say it, but resentments can exist somewhere toward her that you maybe feel the need to be in charge of when you are intimate. Its a good idea to explore the feelings and emotions behind it without being judgemental or afraid to find out the true nature of them. Sometimes we push the things we are not accepting in ourselves out of our awareness completely because we reject those feelings or thoughts as being bad or unacceptable, but they aren't going to ruin your life if you allow them to be acknowledged and considered. If anything they are much less likely to cause problems if suppressed than faced directly and worked through in t he conscious
Sorry that post wad sloppy as he'll. This tablet I'm using is friggin terrible for any practical used whatsoever, I think I'd have a beret time using an old-school flip phone with t9.
