Will be crossing 30 days soon for the first time in 10 years

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Saurav04, Dec 12, 2019.

  1. Saurav04

    Saurav04 Fapstronaut

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    I have tried quitting porn like 100 of times. I guess my account is also very old which can show you how much I want to quite pmo. For the first time in last 10 years I will be having 30 days streak.
    Before these 10 years I was topper in my class and have been very good in studies. Then one day I gave my PC to repair that person left porn in it, it was like poison for me. I was like 12 years old at that time from there I started seeing porn then habit of PMO started. My grades started decreasing from rank 1 to top 10. Then performance kept decreasing and it hit that level I started failing the exams. Teachers were talking like he was so good in studies what happened to him. And you know if someone has ADHD or another disease they can open up and tell others what the problem is but porn has so much shame associated with it that you can not tell anyone.
    One day I failed the class all my friends scored better than me and no friend of mine called me as they know my marks, my parents were not supporting me too I was helpless and lonely, then it was so bad point of my life I was thinking to commit suicide and thought quiting pmo is impossible. But I watch too much anime also and it have themes like a person who was bad in everything keeps hard work and get to the top. Because of that mindset I tried little bit more and get to a bad university to study further. But I was always frustrated like I know more but somehow I get less grades than others, deep down inside my heart I know that I was watching too much porn and wasting my life. My friends even some of them are not smart have girlfriends and doing sex etc. I was fapping day and night making a porn collection in years which I deleted.
    Now writing this I realized it was not 10 years it was 12 years of PMO.
    How I quit PMO, to be honest whenever I have some explicit thought I kept thinking about it even if it is not related to porn my mind make something up and I ended up going to see non nude to nude to XXX. Later I was fapping. I thought I have to stop it, it's now or never. Then I started this time with lot of determination. The basic idea this time was no matter what thought or anything appear on facebook or instagram I will control my thoughts. Controlling thoughts is easier than it seems, you only have to do is if a thought comes in your mind don't think upon it. That thought will fade and with practice you will get better. That's the basic idea of meditation too.
    I had night fall one day and after that I usually see porn like it happened and I am on day 0 so let's watch porn but not this time, I took a bath and slept again. Few days back I watched some porn just to see if I can control my urges and I didn't relapse. I peeked some images but now I have better control over it.
    These are the things I feel starts happening to me:
    1. I felt more emotionally connected to everyone. Now if I have to say something people stop and want to listen to me. It's an amazing feeling.
    2. I got more strength and power to put time in things I love.
    3. I somehow have more respect towards everyone not just women.
    4. I don't see sex as act or hard penetration but as love making now. Don't use porn to learn sex position or love making just explore it if you have your partner with you it will be many times better.
    5. I feel more love to others and started feeling every person in world have importance. If I see some homeless person and have some food in my bag. I just give it to them although I am not rich.
    I have been through hell in last 12 years it was so bad that I was going to commit suicide. Now life is getting better if I have not started PMO it would have been a very good life. But I will try my best to have good life and give others happiness around me.
     

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