Will I ever be sexually confident?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Sodawatt, Aug 4, 2019.

  1. Sodawatt

    Sodawatt Fapstronaut

    I am 20M, addicted to furry and bondage porn (Gay and straight), I am extremely sexually submissive. (at least I think so, I've never actually had sex) I am a total introvert, a shut-in most days, I hate going to bars/clubs, I have severe mood swings sometimes, I am diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD, I'm addicted to adderall even though I'm prescribed, I've never felt any romantic feelings towards anyone, only anxiety when thinking about my obligation to "make a move". The only ideal relationship I can think of would be in a dream or if I abandoned all my friends and family, (which I won't do). Other than that, I am fine with being single, as long as I have friends to talk to, with no desire to get into a normal relationship. The biggest issue is that I am left forever hiding a part of me, (and a passionate part, for that matter) which does hurt many aspects of my confidence.

    So that's me and my baggage, do I have any kind of chance of being sexually confident, or just confident in general?
    Or if I quit porn forever, would my sexuality ever normalize to something more realistic, or am I stuck with these toxic fetishes for the rest of my life? (I kind of already know the answer to that one, since I've been watching nothing but taboo porn since I started at 13 y.o.)

    I have no one to talk to about this, so now I'm here. God, I need therapy.
    NIcolas987 likes this.
  2. Bombadil

    Bombadil Fapstronaut

    Short answer, I don't think confidence will be a problem. Here's why:

    1) You've been hooked on PMO for 7 years. That's going to mess with your head. Dumping it will help with a bunch of stuff, you might find the fetish stuff becoming less of a deal, or you might not, but you'll probably find that you get less anxious about it. I've found I am much calmer about sex, now I've ditched the PMO. Basically it's not healthy to have your sex drive turned up to 11 all the time.
    2) You're shy and introverted to begin with, that means "normal" for you is not going to be rolling around like some super-assertive uber-stud. That's OK. Lots of women get far too much unwanted attention from that kind of guy (who is, much of the time, kind of a dick).
    3) You absolutely don't have to go to a bar to meet women. If you did go to a bar you'd a. not be enjoying yourself - which would show; and b. the only women you'd meet there would be women who like to go to bars (which probably isn't a good start, given that you don't.) There are loads of other ways of building community. Becoming more socially active doesn't mean you have to do things you hate.
    4) I and my wife were both virgins when we got married. Not sure (now) whether that was particularly important, but I was very uncertain. So was she, and that nervousness and exploration together is really pretty damn sexy. Part of that is calming each other's nerves and encouraging each other to keep going. I can imagine that a young lady who already finds you attractive would be very interested in showing you how it works... So I wouldn't worry about it. I know that's a really hard thing to say to someone with anxiety, but seriously you have plenty of other things to worry about, this doesn't need to be one of them.
    5) You don't have to have romantic relationships to be a complete person. If it's not something you're missing, then don't let anybody else tell you that you should. That said, you might well find that things begin to calm down when you dump the PMO. Sex is actually a reasonably minor component of romantic relationships, if you can't get on, then sex really won't fix it. Sex should emerge from a loving relationship, rather the other way round...

    Hope this helps.
  3. NIcolas987

    NIcolas987 Fapstronaut


    Hello my friend, i can understand very well your mood swing and your anxiety . Until 3 months ago i feel exactly like you; i watched fetish porn (like feet , submission and ballbusting) every fucking day and i do this PMO for 4 YEARS!!!!
    I felt like a shit , i can't speek with girls because i haven't the "strenght" ( CUM DRAIN YOUR ENERGIES) and i think that i never will be free from that cancer porn. I stop to masturbate and watch porn materials ( Bro it is hard but you can do that) and i started to feel relaxed with other people and girls . If you stop watching porn you CERTAINLY would be more confident with yourself and other people . Come on Friends stop porn and become a very powerful man.
  4. Yes, you can! It will take time, but you can have a normal life without the fetish stuff! It will take patience and replacing PMO with other things that are healthier. For example, I've been doing cardio and two muscle groups a day since July 27th (I just take a walk on Sundays, though). And I've written down a list of things I can do besides PMO- I suggest you do the same. Write down hobbies that you did, are doing, or want to do and give them a try. And remember, it's about PROGRESSION, not perfection. One day at a time. Good luck!
    NIcolas987 likes this.

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