Will This Break Us?

I'm in a similar place, except that my wife find out that I've been watching porn pretty much all of our 25 year marriage. To make matters worse, she discovered my PMO early in the marriage, and although I went to 12-step groups and therapy, I kept watching porn and lying about it. I don't know if the marriage will survive. I've destroyed her ability to trust me, and god knows the damage I've done do to her because of this.

I'm determined that this time I will do what it takes to change. I'm glad that I've discovered this forum and most of what I read here gives me hope. I wish you all the best on your road to recovery. If you want to talk, reach out.

 

Gentlemen, given where you’re at, definitely consider working with a therapist and getting more help. These forums will help, but they are only a tool in part of a broader process of honesty and changing your life that will be required to give your marriages a chance to survive.

 

Thanks for the advice. I have a couple of appointments with therapists this and next week. From what I've heard, it's key that the therapist has the training and experience to deal with porn addiction.

 

If you can find a csat that would be great. I love mine and my husband really likes his.

 

Thank you, I think both therapists I have appointments with are CSAT-S and CSAT-C.

 

Awesome, perhaps ask if they counsel for betrayal trauma rather than treat your wife as codependent. Most know the betrayal trauma model but some still push co dependent model. Problem with this is many partners are not codependent.

 

I'm seeing them myself. I'm not sure where my wife is at with this discovery/betrayal. She's defending her doctoral thesis before a committee tomorrow - the culmination of 7 years of work. She's been 100% focused on that.

 

I think a good therapist will be able to help whatever the training because the reason for addiction is always the same - unresolved trauma that makes us seek comfort in objects of the world rather than our self. It’s resolving the trauma that gives us the space and freedom to choose differently.