Would a girl really want a guy that used to look at porn?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by zxcv, Aug 9, 2017.

  1. LivinginRecovery

    LivinginRecovery Fapstronaut

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    This is a good point. I attended a church where I shared openly about my P addiction and that it troubled me greatly and was told not to be too hard on myself because quite a few in the church also viewed P. The OP would be surprised if he knew what goes on in churches. P is not just a secular problem but something which has infiltrated almost every aspect of humanity. There is a Muslim cleric here in the UK and he preaches about the evils of pornography and he does so because he has seen many young Muslim men get caught in P's clutches. As has been pointed out you don't need to advertise to any future girlfriend/wife that you were a porn addict nor do you have to worry that she will steer clear of you should she discover you used to view P. The fact you haven't had a girlfriend also shouldn't be an issue within Christian circles as it shows you are strong within your faith and that you were waiting to meet the right person. You do however need a healthy dose of self-respect and self-love because I don't hear any in your posts. You're fine man, as you are. Learn to accept yourself. That's going to be the only bar to your progress in the love stakes.
     
  2. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    I would argue experiences. My point is those who judge will be judged themselves. Some guy named Jesus said it.
     
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  3. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    Some of the most awful people I know go to church every Sunday. They usually sit in the front row like the Pharisee. I admit I'm a tax collector.
     
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  4. HappyDaysAreHereAgain

    HappyDaysAreHereAgain Fapstronaut

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    My experience has been that if the front rows are full, it is either a wedding or a funeral.
    Even though the Tax collector stood off to the side, he sure knew how to talk to God.
     
  5. LivinginRecovery

    LivinginRecovery Fapstronaut

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    Agreed. One of the worst people I've ever had the misfortune to know, a real bully of a person, was a devout Christian and attended church regularly and yes, always sitting near the front.
     
  6. Gotham Outlaw

    Gotham Outlaw Fapstronaut

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    Religion doesn't really mean anything in my opinion. Some religious people are very kind, generous people. Others, however are entitled cunts. I think if you look for good people to share your life with you'll find them, regardless of their faith or lack thereof.
     
  7. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    In the parable the tax collector can't even enter the temple he feels that ashamed. He says Jesus I'm a sinner. The point is the tax collector is an honest man who admits he fails not a self righteous man who pats himself on the back for every good deed. Jesus favors the tax collector.
     
  8. LivinginRecovery

    LivinginRecovery Fapstronaut

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    I'm not in disagreement with you at all, just mentioning that religious faith doesn't mean that someone has to be a good person although yes, it works both ways.
     
  9. sparkywantsnoPMO

    sparkywantsnoPMO NoFap Moderator & Yeoman
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    Well, honestly, since you mention the Christian part, then hopefully she recognizes we're all sinners, and what's important is that you are turning from sin and now working to do God's will. So hopefully it will still work out.
     
  10. zxcv

    zxcv Fapstronaut

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    Was that to the other guys or have you told the girls too. I don't know, I have hard time believing that other will accept who I am, and that's not even talking about the porn part. Other than that, I'm still average geeky guy you'd think I am. I'm usually playing video games, watching anime, or playing magic.
     
  11. zxcv

    zxcv Fapstronaut

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    You'd think so, but it seems like a lot of Christians tend to be the hyper religious that think they are more holy than you if did something wrong. At least that's been my experience dedicated Christian forums. I've tried asking something like this on Christian forums, and the of the girls on there were basically just saying that I was just looking of for a way to have porn and a girlfriend. When I was just asking if they can accept the fact that I might still make mistake and look again. and that I'd like to find a girl that would be supportive of me even if I do fail again.
     
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  12. They're called hypocrites.
     
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  13. LivinginRecovery

    LivinginRecovery Fapstronaut

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    You cannot expect acceptance from others when you are not in acceptance of who you are first. You don't appear to like yourself very much at all. This is what will stop any girl from getting close to and wishing to be with you. I'm not talking about walking around chest puffed out like you're the most amazing person alive but basic self-love and self-acceptance. When you have this, you will begin to attract good things into your life and people will naturally gravitate to you. You don't need to advertise what you have done and why would you want to? When you're married then maybe then bring it up or if she asks you first but why would she ask you? It seems to me like you're putting the cart before the horse and worrying unnecessarily about things.
     
  14. Properitas

    Properitas Guest

    My 2 cents:

    Your porn problem is not the reason you don´t have a girlfriend/wife yet. Most girls would appreciate a man, who is at least honest to himself, admitting he has a problem and is willing to deal with it.
    The problem is this:
    Good luck finding that girl.

    Why would you even want that? You are sexually unexperienced. The kind of girl you are looking for will be too. You marry, find out you are not sexually compatible, you get divorced. Or it works out perfectly in first try. But that´s rather unlikely.

    I like to say: Waiting with sex till marriage is like buying a car without test driving it. Only difference is you can sell the car again without making too much losses.
     
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  15. Gotham Outlaw

    Gotham Outlaw Fapstronaut

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    You should have sex with someone before marriage. You need to experience what they're like. You need to know what you like best before settling down.
     
  16. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    My big issue was the value judgement. I don't think we need to dissect everything else.
     
  17. Rigel7

    Rigel7 Fapstronaut

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    I agree with this. Key thing here is that you are turning from sin and porn, not trying to have your cake and eat it too.

    I think what you're asking is a fair thing, however, you have to understand that dating an addict undergoing recovery is one of the least attractive things that a woman could do, whether Christian or non-Christian. Every woman has a right to feel safe, secure and trusted in their relationship but porn addiction jeopardises all of that. It's easier to do dating as a recovered addict who has some months/years of practised sobriety as opposed to someone struggling in the midst of it.
     
  18. Ghost79

    Ghost79 Fapstronaut

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    Just don't mention it. Never trust any woman until you are married to her!
     
  19. zxcv

    zxcv Fapstronaut

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    Why would I marry a woman I don't trust?
     
  20. Gotham Outlaw

    Gotham Outlaw Fapstronaut

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    I would advise that you don't bring it up immediately. Bring it up once you've gotten to know her and you feel like she's earned the right to know.
     

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