When I have kids, I am going to monitor their internet, period. Thinking back to the things that I saw, read, and heard when I was just 13 and 14, I just start shaking my head in disbelief. I am only 18 now, but still, for any kid to be able to have their mind warped and ruined so early on by simply having unfettered access to the internet is insane. I've been in countless nofap groups, and without exception multiple people in the group thought that they had been extraordinary cases of porn addiction with regards to what they had seen and how young. That was until everyone gets sharing their stories, and we all realize that we have ALL seen some pretty insane things. I am thinking that this is all because at some point or another, every person who views internet porn gets bored and clicks on a new genre of video out of curiosity. Who reading this hasn't had that happen to them? The fact that so many people in society have addictions to porn as well as the staggering number of views on these videos makes me feel like I am growing up in a very mentally damaged generation that has seen more disturbing things sexualized than any other generation before us.
I did some reading on the way the brain processes information. Your brain is like a PC and every image it sees it stores forever. It really is scary to think about how much we've already polluted our heads and this is one of the reasons I decided to quit porn. I've read a number of threads about straight guys who are addicted to gay and tran porn and its probably a side effect of a constant infulx of sexual images. I was also a big fan of shock horror and foreign horror movies and I've kind of taken a step back from those also. Garbage in garbage out.
I'm not going to monitor what my kids see. But I will discuss stuff with them and have an open forum.
I think you are right on point with regards to your view on a generation of mentally damaged people, sadly most of whom, including us were complicit in our own downfall. The problem with the internet is the sense of anonymity and the ease in which content can be accessed with no real age restriction in place. Years ago obscene content was only available in magazines or videos purchased from a licensed premesis whereby you were served by another human. Back then if a 13 year old kid walked in a newsagent or sex shop they would have been ushered out (i hope). In my country the UK, laws have been passed that make it a criminal offence to offer pornography on the internet without robust age verification in place..ie: Credit or debit card checks. It's a start, but sadly as we are all too aware a lot of content comes via torrent sites or other off shore sites. Due to the overwhelming number of porn sites out there, most of which are not hosted in the UK, the law cannot really be enforced as effective as it needs to be, although ISP's have been told to block such sites hosted off shore, such as the USA which don't legally have to put any deterrent other than 'this website is for over 18's only' in really small print at the bottom. Curious and tech savvy teenagers will inevitably find ways around it not realising the damage they cause to themselves further down the line. It's a case of the horse has already bolted before the stable door is shut. The online prolification of obscene content started way back in the mid 1990's and has already affected a couple of generations which has led to more sexual offences being committed and more victims and more mental health problems.
I understand not wanting to seem like a control freak, and having an open forum with your kids on what they saw on the internet seems like the perfect fix. But the problem is that is not only awkward in practice (imagine talking to your parents about what you saw on the internet honestly), but it doesn't work. I knew full well that what I was doing was wrong when I did it, but I did it anyway because there was nothing stopping me. But you know what, if I had someone monitoring what I was searching online I would have thought twice about ever looking at porn. Besides this, talking with kids about porn only usually needs to happen once, to tell them that they can't and shouldn't look at it and why, because almost everyone knows it is wrong, even a very small kid.
Yep, my generation is hopelessly damaged from porn and internet addiction and who's to blame? Our parents aka Generation X.
Monitoring kids is a primary part of a parent's responsibility. My parents were very strict and I as a kid I hated it but now Im actually very grateful that they did. My parents werent perfect but monitoring what I watched and knowing where I was kept me out of alot of shit. Later In highschool I was given more freedom but those impressionable years in early childhood through puberty are pretty important.
Yes but the thing is most parents watch porn themselves. they may not be addicts but they may watch it. Parenting is a huuuuuge responsibility. It's not as glamorous or easy as they show in movies. maybe you're right in monitoring their activities. But chances are high that your kids will be more tech savvy than you. they'll easily know how to bypass the monitoring software. and pornography isnt the only addiction kids may encounter. there's smoking, drugs, alcohol. how much can you monitor? it's better to have an open forum. not just listen to and judge but also share your own life experiences and mistakes.
You can't monitor everything but you can do tons of damage control. Kids by nature are immature and do not make good decisions and any good parent will do their absolute best to keep them out of trouble. Both of my parents worked but they still did a good job of knowing where I was. we have a large extended family who all lived in close proximity so we had extended support. My parents did not bullshit around when it came to expectations from me and respect was established early on when I was a child. There were serious consequences when I broke rules. Curfews were strictly enforced so there was a limit to how much trouble I could get myself into. My mother was in mental health and worked for child protective services. As a result of her experiences there my parents were serious about knowing where I was. My parents knew my close friends and did not allow me to hang out with just anyone. I didnt get to attend sleepovers unless my parents knew the family's personally. I had friends in high school who literally did whatever they wanted to when ever they wanted. Some turned out ok but many of them suffered consequences for that freedom. This society is fucked up because you have so many parents who dont take their obligations seriously. Absentee latch key parenting is as normal as porn is. I've encountered adults who fool themselves saying, "Kids are gonna do it anyway so im not going to worry but the fact is that if they fail to put proper restrictions in place they've failed themselves, their children and society. These people are prioritizing careers or their own wants and have no intentions of taking their parenting seriously. I've seen situations where you have a bunch of single moms in a the ghetto where many of the kids were on drugs and in gangs but a couple of the mom's send their kids to college or manage to keep their sons out of trouble . The difference is those 2 moms did what they need to do to raise their kids right and the rest made excuses. I've seen rich kids who came out just as bad because their parents gave them everything but guidance. I'm in my late 30's and I'm leaning towards no kids because kids are a huge responsibility. If youre gonna have kids its your job to be tech savy, know what your kids are consuming and who they hang out with. No matter how good a parent you are kids are gonna make mistakes but its on you to do what ever you can to keep your kids on the right track.
Chances are that my kids will not be more tech savvy than me, I am a computer science major. The only reason we were more tech savvy than our parents is because none of them grew up with the internet at all. "and pornography isnt the only addiction kids may encounter. there's smoking, drugs, alcohol. how much can you monitor?" I can monitor all of it, you know how? By raising my kids to be hard workers, athletes, and great students. The problem with so many parents is this idea of "let the kid be themselves and everything will work out." No it will not. Kids, humans, are by nature lazy and want to feel as good as possible whenever possible, just think of all the kids crying for candy at the store. The most important job for a parent is to help the kid fight this nature until they are old enough to understand it, at which point they can control it themselves. Proverbs 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. If you are a wishy-washy do whatever you want parent, you hate your children because if you loved them you would be willing to put in the work to make sure that they don't go the "broad way that leads to destruction". There is a reason it is called the broad way, because not enough people want to put in the effort to keep their kids on the straight and narrow by tough love (notice: love) parenting. Just my two cents on being a parent.
Precisely. Being a parent is not supposed to be easy, or a popularity contest with your kids. Do you want them to pout at you when they are younger, and thank you for the rest of their lives for helping shape them into a wonderful adult, or have them love you when they are young and lived a wrecked life, only to resent you when they are in the gutter and finally understand that this whole "do what you want" lifestyle doesn't end well. You get it man, thank you.
Part of me wants to because it seems like it can be a rewarding experience. It life changing and you have to be dedicated to do it right. I guess every generation had their problems but it seems like a terrible climate to raise kids in. Im 50/50. I'm not in a rush to have kids but if I did I think id enjoy it.
I think it's a good idea to start with some pet or some plant. I grew a plant and it was so boring to water it. Though I did like the flowers that bloomed there and it made me feel good but quite often it was tedious to water the plant and make sure it's growing well by giving it fertilizer and stuff. I assume kids would be an even bigger responsibility.
Im an only child but i have a huge extended family so my cousins are like my brothers and sister. . We were wild and caused a fair amount of trouble but our parents and grandparents didnt put up with much bullshit. They're def not raising their kids like we were raised. Its like my cousins honestly believe that its their god given responsibility to make sure their kids are perfectly comfortable at all times and get everything they want. Their kids are spoiled as hell and my cousins act like theyre afraid to dicipline them and the older ones are getting out of control. They dont pull that shit around me Ill smack em just like my grandfather did.
I'm struggling like hell to beat my porn addiction and get my life straight, I'm pretty sure I am incapable of taking care of a kid.
I felt like that for a long time but I feel differently now. You probably will too. Part of the reason we give up our vices is because we mature and we begin to see this stuff as destructive. Even in other areas of my life, Im starting to see that alot of what I concerned my self with is really kind of unimportant so taking care of kids looks a little more feasable. I'm still not in any rush tho.
I've learned enough on this journey so far to know that I'll certainly be thinking very differently once I beat this addiction. I don't know how I'll be thinking exactly but I'm certain it will be different and better.
