You Have To Change Your Mind

If you wanna read all of this, I had a pretty big realization for myself a couple of days ago.

A Changed Mind
We hear this phrase a lot, don't we? But I think that sometimes we get it in our minds that NoFap is the answer to all of our problems. I understand that not everyone's story / reason for starting NoFap is different. But my personal fight against PMO began the night that I realized that my girlfriend and I were getting more and more physical in part because of my brain being so sexually-driven. And I knew that our decision to stay virgins was not possible if we continued down the road we were headed. And I knew that my brain, even subconsciously, thought that showing love = being physical. When it doesn't equal that at all.

I had a realization the other night. NoFap only works if and when you decide to change your life. Just because you manage to not look at porn for 90 days doesn't mean you're automatically going to treat people differently, doesn't mean your marriage is automatically fixed, doesn't mean anything. There are people who have went 90 days and still reset. Even if they had a genuine reboot.

Changing Your Mind
My big realization really occurred when I realized where my mind was taking me. I was thinking, man, it won't be very long until I can see my girlfriend again, and then we can... go back to the same things we've been doing? Going further and then stopping, further and then stopping... What? I realized that NoFap means nothing unless you're willing to give up the life you've been living. Do I enjoy the way we were before? Duh, of course. BUT the real question is: Is that a relationship that is benefiting us at all? All it brings about is awkward situations where we hope the other person changes the subject.

“To many of us, love is passion for a thing. It’s the word we call on to conjure up all our feelings of affection. We love hiking, or we love that new record by the band you’ve never heard of, or we love chips and guac. When we aim the word at people, we usually mean the exact same thing. When we say we love someone, we mean we have deep feelings of affection because they make us feel alive all over again — adventurous, brave, happy.” - Loveology

The reality is that sex is NOT what love is. Sex is not "the one thing you can't do until you're married!" Sex does not equal love. Ever since that realization on Friday (not very long ago, I know), whenever I have an urge, even a somewhat-large urge, I remind myself "No. That's not what love is." Love is not sex. Love is the only thing that makes sex worth having. Sex is what was designed to come into fruition from love. It's not some casual thing, and it shouldn't be treated as such!

What Love Is
I can only begin to scratch the surface of what Love fully, truly is. But I think my youth pastor's wife put it very well. "Love shows up when emotions fail to arise. Love shows up when you've lost a family member, and you can't do anything but grieve. Love shows up when it's 3 AM and your spouse walks in to take the screaming baby from your arms after you've been up all night." Love does not always mean you're gonna feel good. It will have its struggles.

We have to realize that not only is porn bad, but what the situations it portrays is bad. And we should all have the desire to choose LOVE instead of porn. Choosing to wait to have sex until the mind has been renewed, is honestly a great demonstration of love, in my opinion.