I've [24F] been NoFap for nearly half a year and have zero desire to go back. I used to be heavily addicted to M when I was in high school but really calmed down once I became an adult. I never M'd that often but when I first discovered NoFap I realized it was the right choice. Haven't done it since and don't have any desire too. [Not that I don't have any sexual drive, it's just my willpower is quite strong.] The problem is with nearly 90% of men watching P how the heck am I supposed to find a life partner that also doesn't Fap? Any stories you guys want to share of your experience with this would be MUCH appreciated.
Personally I don't think I would deserve to be with someone who hasn't fapped, looked at porn or done sexual things they regret. It would be grace if I met someone who hasn't done those things. I'm certainly not looking for someone who has never messed up.
I mean finding someone who's striving to be better. Sure, they might screw up every so often, or come from a dark past but it's about striving to be better. (Not sure if I made that clear.) Obviously no one is clean but someone who is striving to be NoFap is a lot better than someone who thinks P is normal & healthy. Ya know?
Okay, then you came to the right place. Most people here are striving to rid themselves of this addiction.
This isn't a dating site, and most of us are even more dysfunctional than the general population (but at least we're aware of and admit our problem and are working on it). Anonymous forums aren't the place to be looking for a life partner.
There are men who do not use P or M, and as well there are men who might use these things currently but are able to be honest about it in a relationship and would chnage their ways with the right person (this may be more difficult for some than others). Don’t give up on those concepts or ideas for yourself if that is part of who you are. “Finding” this person may be more difficult, but as you said you’re looking for a life partner. I would work on defining who you are and what you need as a person first. Then look at activities and creativities that you can encorporate on your own life which reflect these needs and who you are. Most likely someone will appear through these means if you’re open to them as well. This doesn’t mean you’ll just find this specific person perfectly the way your needs require, but there are definitely potential people out there and you’ll have to be out there to meet them or at least attract them so to speak.
You could always have a frank discussion early on in dating. Everyone is certainly entitled to their list of deal breakers. Want kids/don't want kids, dog people/cat people, etc.
I agree with @Burrich1, masturbation more than ever is not a taboo topic. In fact, I'd bet that talking about the issues you've had and that you want to focus on real sex will only be a turn on for him.
I think the number 1 thing is to be upfront and honest and willing to ask the tough questions. My husband told me before we even officially went on our first date that he had a porn addiction. I mean, he didnt phrase it that way, but he told me its something he has struggled with. If I weren't already married and were still looking for someone, this would be something I would discuss fairly early on. Sure its awkward, but why waste your time? Ask them how they feel about porn and masturbation. I would leave it at that, personally, rather than leading them by saying his you feel first. They might just lie. But if you just ask that question, open ended, you might get an honest answer, and even if you dont, you can probably tell if hes lying. I'm a big fan of being open and upfront, and it's worked out pretty well for me so far. I dont end up wasting time dating tons of guys who I would never want to end up marrying, and my husband and I are really happy together after dating for a year before getting married. We had all the tough talks right away and I'm sure we will have struggles, but I honestly think we got a lot of the really big ones out if the way early.
@Moonstone, it's not quite the same question, but I think you'll find this recent thread by @TooMuchTooSoon useful to help answer your question: Avoiding PA in the future?
I support this attitude... I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone that had the mentality that Porn was normal either. The worst thing is if a PA hides it and/or tries to force their belief that porn is normal upon their partner. If I were posed the question "Do you view Porn?" I'd be able to answer "No, I've been off that stuff for ages.". So, as others have said, ask the question and then go from there. Anyway, I hope you find that someone that suits you.
Those are two completely different things. But to answer your question, you might be able to find guys who don't Fap in religious or spiritual or charity groups, and maybe in same places you might find people striving to be better. Except ... I think there are normal guys who masturbate and watch porn sometimes and still can have happy relationships. I also assume most men watch P, and/or masturbate when they don't have a woman available but I've seen happy relationships around me and also failed ones (where I can't track down the failure reason to PM). If you don't believe me, ask around, do some research. Also, if you center your partner choice around the "nofap" thingy, you might become disappointed for other reasons.