101/365. I need to start checking back in more often. It's the month of Ramadan and I've been kind of just going to community events. When I am by myself I get somewhat depressed rather quickly. I'm worried about how I will handle the month ending.
Lost my temper with my young daughter today. I feel terrible when I think of it. She's such a sweet ,innocent little girl and I was feeling irritable fro the fast and from lack of sleep and I took it out on her. I've been practicing alot of self discipline lately but have been neglecting the key piece of my spiritual program and thats regular a.a. mtgs. Losing my temper like this is what happens when my spiritual condition is weak. I've been priding myself on how well I've been doing but not seeing myself honestly. I've been so concerned with fixing my financial situation that I put my spiritual fitness behind it and thats a recipe for no good. Recovery and spiritual growth has to be number one or the rest of my life suffers . Time to get back on track. Aaarrrgghh.
The Third Changing my sleeping schedule. I now go to bed earlier before 11 rather than 1AM. However, it will take some really hard self discipline. I have been sleeping past 12AM for years engaging in pmo.
Day 114. When we do things we never tried before. It's called growth. When we do things we don't feel like it. It's called change. When we do things we are unwilling to do at first. It's called breakthrough.
102/365. Lately I have been really bored as I am not doing much other than surfing the net. I almost relapsed by telling myself what's the point. I have just been somewhat of a mess lately in the sense that I feel purposeless. I realize that although physically I am "sober", psychologically I am still addicted. I have unrealistic narratives that go through my head, even if they are not necessarily "R rated". Another contributing factor would be my sleep. I have been going to sleep much later than I probably should be. It is scary how I almost convinced myself that 3 something months meant nothing and I was nearly ready to throw it away for a meaningless bit of pleasure.