Checking in. I'll be putting down my axe and picking up a sword tomorrow, becoming a Warrior of Gondor. Feels damn, damn good. Counting my blessings today. I think one of the saddest poisons of PMO is how worthless it can make us feel, and undeserving. That constant feeling of being less than others permeates so much. Today my business partner called to wish me a happy birthday, and said, "you're the best work partner and friend that I could imagine." The fact that I was able to HEAR that, and ACCEPT it, rather than have the little porn-induced depression snake whisper "but if you only knew..." makes me so happy with this progress. My regaining a degree of self-love that allows me to believe I am loved by others is one of the most wonderful rewards of sobriety.
Thanks @RiseToGreatness ! Your support and advice is much appreciated. Together we will conquer this evil.
I fell. Reset me. Don't even know how it happened one minute I was watching TV the next I'm watching P and M'ing. Sorry to have failed so early in my attempt.
Brother, it's more like a common sense and I can explain it in a few words. To become a beautiful butterfly from the disgusting greedy worm, the worm has to be willing to go into cocoon where it isolates itself from stressful activities of its existence and meditates on the life it wants to have , on the image it wants to become, for if it won't leave the current life it will not muster transformation, for the transformation requires a lot of energy to be taken from old life and poured into a new one. dictum sapienti sat est
Goodmorning Fellowship! Feeling really good, but also feeling a bit tired today. I usually have major urges after being PMO free for around 30 days, but that's still not the case right now. I do have some small urges, but they disappear very fast. I also always used to have wet dreams after being PMO free for around 15 days, but that also hasn't happened yet. I wonder when this will happen. Hope everyone has a great day! Almost time for the weekend!
Day 3! I don’t have much to say. I’m just happy to be back. Not only on NoFap but on everything that help me get better on nofap. I’ve worked out, I’ve meditated and I feel like I’m doing everything that I can to make my life better. I hope you all have a great weekend and No Fishing.
Don’t beat yourself up. Not failing is great but knowing how to pick yourself up is even more important. Even writing about a relapse is a great sign for taking responsibility for your actions. The bast thing to do in this situation (other than to make sure you don’t binge) is to try and learn one thing from this experience. What did you think that was going on when you’ve switched from TV to P? and what you would you do differently if you had the chance (because you would 100% face this challenge again at some point).
I can pin point it. I was watching a show in where some of the cast were in a hot tub naked and that made me think of a time where I did that same thing when I was younger. And it just devolved from there. I made a commitment to journal everyday (or damn near close to it). I think I just need to stay away from adult TV for a while. Stick to Cartoon Network and sports for a while. I should also start working on my homebrew stuff more but I don't really have the time right now to pour myself back into that.
Brother it sounds like you are expecting strong urges and wet dreams. Why don't you forget about it and be happy with current good situation ? Like one good man said:'Worrying is praying for what you afraid of'. So don't worry but be thankful to God for easy time , through which you can recover and strengthen yourself for whatever may come.
Brother, I think I understand now. How kind of you to assume I was wise enough to get it the first time! Thanks for the further explanation. In the past 24 hours I've taken steps to change my environment and be more isolated from familiar stimuli. I'm in my study surrounded by books, trying to figure out some things both scholarly and personal. I hope God will guide me. I continue to work. Accomplished today: cold shower, early rising (6:30; wanted 5:30 but oh well), cold shower. Still on the agenda: workout, meditation, more reading. I'd been afraid to return to my regular office for fear of loneliness, but it's actually been good to change my scenery and get away from where I had been. Not that the latter was bad per se, but, like I said, I'm more isolated here. Last night I read for fun instead of consuming audio content. It was good. Let's get it done, Fellowship.
You are welcome brother, check this out this info for a wider view. p.s. If you stick with the meditation practice you will get the same result for meditation is the way to see the light.