Attractive co-worker

I just got off a video call with a young, very unassuming female. She was sweet and had a very feminine attitude and features. On day 14 of my streak for whatever reason, she REALLY did it for me. It took some focus not to ask her to start fantasizing about what she would be like in bed. I don't know if there's a way out of this except to enjoy the women in her presence. Be respectful of course. Don't stare. But say to yourself, she's hot or sexy or pretty or whatever, and then go about your day. Don't try and dwell on her or obsess over her features. Let the thoughts come and go. This is how the nonaddicts go about their day I think.

 

Put in pratice the skill of seeing her as a person, a human kind with dignity, and not an object to use, extract pleasure and throw off in a garbage can.

Trying to only look at her eyes/face will help too.

 

Ask for a transfer or work from home.

 

Or maybe just arrange things that may lead to intercourse ?
On what reboot mode are you ?

 

Now if you want to truly remain with your goal repeat after me "no woman is worth it". I'm not trying to degrade woman but I just want to tell you that you will be surely attracting a lot more than this one right now. And if you are unsure just remember that a woman is better than PMO in everyway! Have a nice day and also do meditate.

 

Good luck and stay strong !

 

Seems tough battle you had.
I'm with you bro! Don't give up to chaser effect.

 

I know this is cliché, but you are objectifying her. Think about who she is as a person, and let that image be what dictates your feelings towards her. Easier said than done, I know, but it will be a cure to your problems. It's a mental shift that doesn't happen in one day.

 

Some steps to take when in the vicinity:

• focus on your breath, slow it down.
• Realize the tension throughout your body and work to relieve that tension. (I just did this when I read your entry )
• Take away the fantasy by seeing the human being (I know this has been said by many others already, but it is really important)
• Do not be ashamed of feeling this way, your mind has found memory in this act of sexualizing women (it is what it is, accept it and live).
• Picture her as a man, imagine her doing some manly sh**.
• Use your imaginative power to change what is.

 

Technically no thought is "permanent" even if it recurs frequently. Individual thoughts also don't live in isolation. The fact that you need an image of her in your head shows it's related, and you also need the idea of masturbating to it along with whatever possible scenario probably from previous porn use - it's all an interrelated web in your mind.

So in a way, I'd say you have to change your mental environment to one where it's difficult for the PMO thoughts to survive. There is of course no easy solution to this and is more of a long term thing.

Maybe one thing I can say that may help in the short term though is the fact that you have a much better chance to connect with her if you direct the effort towards self improvement than towards fantasizing about her. And yes, I know you're trying to do SR for a year. There's nothing that says you can't have conversations with her or work on yourself in various ways.

 

This must be very depressing. Did you ask for a transfer?

 

It's tough and don't let that relapse get to you mentally. Pick yourself up and go again.

A lot of girls are into ignoring them, actually, so that's why you're probably not doing yourself any favors by trying to act distant or nonchalant

 

If only women are more responsible in their clothes choices and aware of their bodies effect on the helpless males who are trying day and night to cultivate their sexual energy.

I have no advice for you except that u have to meditate and make a conscious decision to not relapse.

 

Let her think you're arrogant. Your life matters. If she told you you come off as arrogant, tell her why you're not.

And if she keeps her distance from you, you'll do fine.

And don't label her with the word "pornstar"

 

You do realize women attempt great strides in being more sexy and appealing on purpose, right?

 

I know. They are encouraged to wear whatever makes them feel sexy with no regards to how it affects us men.

 

This is great advice! Cultivate this mindset. I would also add, that when you look at a woman and lust after her you're in a way surrendering personal power to her. Women are very 'aware' and sensitive about if men are ogling for example.

Could you try to have a rule - only look at her above her shoulders? I have found women attractive but rarely does a beautiful face 'arouse' me the way a butt or breast do. If that doesn't help use the old martial arts trick and stare at a point just above her eyes at her forehead - i will will look like you're looking but you won't be gazing at her facial features...

On the street I sometimes play a game with myself, if I see a beautiful woman I try to not look at her and give myself 'points' if i avoid looking at a woman that I know will have a nice rear (they are in yoga pants and look fit) ...I see that as giving power to myself and if i look at them I am surrendering power and purpose.

Also women who are used to be oogled and looked at will wonder.. why isn't he?