Some words of advice for the many bisexual/bicurious men on this site

I'm 22, Eastern Europe, the thing is I don't feel like I am bisexual. In the first place, when all this mess started I thought that I might be gay, then changed to bisexual. I know it's ok to be one or x sexuality, but the thing is I don't feel anything for men in reality. And if I check one guy for too long (I do this in the last months because of all this questioning), a rush of anxiety and depressive state it encompasses me. It's not that natural feeling that I have for girls. Romantically...I don't even need to say this, in this category only girls and I know for sure that girls will remain. Deep down I know who am I attracted to and that I'm heterosexual, but being a paranoid person who overthinks everything it doesn't help at all. And it's not like I knew from a young age that I felt some attraction to men and I repress and deny it. No, this mess started not too long ago, not even a full year.

And I'm not homophobic, I don't care what sexuality you have, religion, race, sex etc. It's your life, your body, your choice. I have a problem with this forced propaganda and the overall mentality of LGBTQ community that are easily offended and the only opinion that matters is theirs. That's all. I'm not a very religious guy and I was like this since childhood, but I don't have a problem with that.

 

You know a part of this resonates with me, for about 1 week, 1 week and a half I stopped carrying and felt good about myself, like 5 months ago. Then a thought arose in my head and...boom the questioning started again. Being from Eastern Europe didn't really affect my perception of homosexality. Many young generations don't really care about it and like I said, I'm not a very religious person. I don't go to church, pray etc. I think you can be a good person without being the stereotypical Christian.

And...you don't know how many, many times I wanted to take a step with a girl but...yeah, I'm quite stupid when I go with things like this. And being an overthinker didn't help either. That fear of rejection was bigger than my will to take a step.

 

Again, what evidence do you have that i am 'scared'?

Evidence? Of either assertion? I specifically was talking about trauma induced thoughts and behaviors, and escalation affects, well documented at yourbrainonporn.com and other sites. All you have done is made one mindless accusation after another and slandered anyone who disagrees with you as homophobic.

I don't think drinking lead paint is healthy. That doesn't mean I 'hate' lead paint.

If you read what I wrote, and you obviously haven't by training to handle anxiety, journaling, reading recovery material i have :
a. dropped binge drinking completely with out any 'urges' -after 30 years of doing it regularly. (weekends)
b. anxiety based dark fantasies have faded to occasional - and fading even more as I go over 100 (what is the longest you have abstained, do you know anything about the long term positive effects first hand?) others have said after 200 or so days they fade to oblivian. Even understanding the root nature of them has reduced their power.

So I have clear evidence my way works. Yours will only lead to more depression, anxiety and nihilism.

The 'advice' you are giving is ill thought out, if thought out at all, but that's about what I would expect from someone who dismisses the greatest religious and philosophical teachers {bible, gita, sayings of Jesus, Stoics, Aristotle, Plato, etc } and scriptures as not worth reading.

 

I want to agree with this on some level because it's obviously coming from a well-meaning position, but I think you are over-simplifying the issue.

For a lot of people on this site the issue isnt just "Oh I have fantasies about the same sex, and I dont like that," the issue goes much deeper. Porn addiction is extremely corrosive to the brain and it can easily fool you into thinking certain aspects of yourself that were created by porn were there the whole time, and that is EXTREMELY dangerous.

Sometimes people feel bad about the things they like because they are repressed, that is certainly true in some cases, However, sometimes people feel bad because they dont like those things, it is because they actually should feel bad. A heroin addict doesnt truly "enjoy" heroin, they just become compelled to use it. The same applies to porn. Be it gay porn, transwoman porn, or even just vanilla.

 

Exactly. It's a shame the excellent advice you gave on another thread was deleted.

They conflate urges, tastes and fantasies with core identity, anyone who has escalated because of porn or even pre-porn sex addiction issues knows this is not the case.

On another thread I posted a link to a counselor who noted that in the past his pedophile clients (those seeking help) came from broken backgrounds (beaten, child abuse, molestation, raped as children) but now he is finding 'ordinary' men who escalated to this addiction/habit via pornography viewing. That's how much it can mess up you're brain- literally as bad as being abused as a child.

 

Deleted or not, at least the people in need got some other opinions besides those ,,good ones''. It feels like the stories of my mother and grandfather from the communist era, where everything besides the regime opinion was wrong and seen as an offensive act towards the leader and punished or censored for it.

 

I was going to comment on that thread again but was unable to because I was suspended for three days and only just got unmuted after it was already deleted. I swear this site is falling apart, being moderated to the point discussion is pointless and any kind of provocative topic gets nuked even if noone is breaking any rules.

 

What really does do my head in about this is how, on this site, it's always people getting offended on behalf of others, others who are either not present, are not offended, or maybe even do not exist to begin with. Bleeding heart woke-scolds are some of the most insufferable people on the internet and I'm ready to admit I despise them and what they do to internet discourse.

Two opposing sides can be having a perfectly normal talk about a topic, it may get heated, but then these idiots step in and get offended on behalf of one of the sides when noone asked for it. Stop white-knighting for people who dont want it! Let people fight their own battles! Holy shit!

 

Yes, that's exactly where the West is headed - same ideology - and often the same provocateurs.

Yes consistently it's just woke labeling, threatening and name calling - it's important to save any relevant comments or insights you find helpful off line in some form - activists are definitely targeting this site - and I fully expect one day do find yourbrainonporn.com 404.

Even in the US the establishment no longer believes in free speech or open debate - evidenced by the mass censorship going on across platforms. That's because their ideas can no longer stand scrutiny. The only people who want censorship of ideas are those whose ideas cannot stand up to questioning.

As I commented on my own journal - in many ways our beliefs, discussions and practices (abstention, restraint, or simply challenging the 'repression' model) are as threatening to the establishment as for example, the early Christians were to the late, decaying Roman empire.

 

There are reasons why so many prominent users get fed up and quit, and this I think is one of them. Serious discussion is neutered so people dont get offended, lighthearted threads get deleted literally just because the mods dont like them.

I started a thread where I was basically shitposting in offtopic about the antichrist. If you aren't aware the meme is absurdist in nature, the joke is in making yourself sound like a crazy person and there are lots of silly memes to go with it. At worst I was lightly trolling but it seemed like most people who commented understood and the thread was getting a lot of traffic. It was pretty fun while it lasted, but it eventually got deleted. Ok whatever I thought, no great loss.

But then it got stupid. The mods stepped in and accused me of being "anti-Catholic" and "anti-Semitic" the former being based on the mod admitting they knew I was joking and then choosing to punish me anyway, the latter being based on a literal lie. I'm not even joking or exaggerating, I was told the meme was researched but I proved that it wasn't with a ten second Google search that contradicted everything I was being told. When I pointed this out, I got stonewalled and likely wont get a reply. I was also scolded for using "4chan humour" when the joke had nothing to do with 4chan whatsoever. Being spoken down to in such a patronising manner, especially by someone who was pathetically wrong about everything they were saying, was very irritating. Regardless, in the end I was suspended for 3 days, and with this being my second suspension based on absolutely idiotic reasoning, I fully expect to be fully banned sooner rather than later.

I bring this up because this isnt just happening to me. Over the last few months alone, countless users have been banned for doing nothing other than get on the wrong side of the people in charge (and before anyone comments trying to assure me I'm wrong, don't bother, I'm not and you can't convince me anyway) People making obvious jokes get banned, or are banned for speaking the wrong opinions, meanwhile obvious trolls, like actual trolls who only came here to harm the site, are allowed to run free. A troll pretending to be trans a few months ago made all of us, including a the moderation team, look like fools until it was revealed through some research that the "trans" person was a troll. Even when presented with undeniable smoking gun evidence, the site sided with the troll over its regular users. I've been told to kill myself, been harassed by prominent users, and had very rude things said to me, and nothing is done, all because the people doing those things are part of the clique. Anyone who cant see a pattern either benefits from things being this way, or is a fool.

Add all this to the way HOCD threads are now getting deleted, how threads trying to help people with certain issues get moderated, all to avoid offending people. This site is going to get to a point where it's so sanitised you cant even use it for its intended purpose anymore. And that is terribly sad to me.

 

One of the first signs of a totalitarian society is the utter lack of humor and satire. Moreover, we've become a very 'silly' society - as the hyper over reaction to covid proved. We are not 'antifragile' to use the words of Taleb.

The really bad thing is that it teaches people to be dependent on authority (and that's the point I guess) rather than their own inner self worth (eg sticks and stones may hurt my bones)

yes, this is specifically by LGBT activists - the really sad thing is we can't help others or share our information and insights that have helped us heal.

This was, and probably still is one of the few places, along with your brain on porn , to truly get alternative info on sexuality issues of all kinds - mainstream psychology is like big pharma pushing and agenda and practices that we know are actually harmful. It would be really sad if this site went completely woke. Eventually I think censor proof platforms will be the only way to go - ones not ultimately 'owned' by anyone. Thanks to all the censorship, alt-tech is popping up.

 

They have clearly stated in the rules that religious/political threads are not allowed(there are special subforum for that now) furthermore they are totally useless to someone wanting to quit PMO, as they remind you this site is host to a multitudes of individual from different background and getting them off pmo is the main goal not being funny or awakening people politically.

 

I am sorry to see this thread has gotten so far off topic. The OP first post was neither "activist" or advocating any particular lifestyle. He was, I think, simply stating that when he began to accept himself as possibly bisexual and learned about it more fully, he became a happier more content person.

As a bisexual man, who like most gays or bisexuals, started out questioning their sexuality, his experience resonates with my own. While I wouldn't say I was ever homophobic or suffered from something like what is called HOCD by some, I was definitely confused and it took time for me to figure out my sexuality. But accepting bisexuality as a possibility and not something to be worried about was freeing.

I think the discussion has gotten off topic because there are about 3 different things being discussed and confused here.

First, the OP's original points about bisexuality not being a "lifestyle" or a choice, which is in fact becoming the accepted view, despite the fact that some still object for various reasons. It's really not "activist" to say this any more.

Second, another poster's reflection on the results of his early childhood molestation by a man. (And my heart goes out to him and any victim of molestation). All of that can be true, and the poster's authentic experience, without contradicting or diminishing anything in the OP's post.

It is true that early childhood victims of same-sex sexual predators often do have difficulty discerning their own sexuality. This is in the same vein that some victims grow up to be victimizers themselves. The early trauma creates all sorts of problems around sexual desires, thoughts and fantasies. It's also understandable that the victim of a same-sex predator could develop a fear of homosexuality or homosexuals (homophobia), even though the sexuality of the perpetrator is not really the issue or even that it's necessarily true the perpetrator was gay. Many sexual predators stalk boys and girls. The real dynamic is not one of uncontrolled homosexual lust, but, like all rape, the need to over power and control another person's body against their will, whether through violence or, as with most early childhood predators, mental control.

Third, the unfortunate failure of society still to accept LGBTQ identities as authentic. This isn't really homophobia, although most people who are homophobic, would fit in this category. This is straight up bigotry. And whether they attempt to justify it by resorting to religion, traditional culture, supposed gender norms, or whatever doesn't take away from the fact they are serving up hate -- maybe not against particular individuals, but against LGBTQ people as a class.

 

How many posts about HOCD have you guys seen that got deleted?
Also, What was the Anti-Semetic thing in your thread? As a Jew Myself, I'd like to see if the Mod was trolling you haha

 

There were about 4 - 5 that got deleted from what I remember. And this is on the forum. On the subreddit, things are much worse. There you can't even say something that isn't in line with some others opinion. So yeah...,,freedom of speech.''

 

You're missing the point in the same way the mod did. The thread was not religious. The thread was not political. I posted in off-topic (ie a subforum that is OFF TOPIC) about something that was obviously lighthearted and a joke.

 

As @Garou99 said, a fair few. What tends to happen is, the thread is moving along just fine, someone steps in and says something provocative, and rather than just moderate the user, the entire thread is nuked from orbit.

I'm unsure what I said that was supposedly Anti-Semitic, because when I pushed further I didn't get a clear answer. It seems to me that the mods researched the meme, came to an amazingly wrong conclusion, and then made a decision based on that. Now look, I can understand being warned for trolling because I fully grasp that you could see it as that even if that was not the intention, but being hateful towards Jews? That is an insane leap.