The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Checking in.
I went through a crisis where I asked myself what it would take so that I resist and not ruin my streak again. I went to the library and read in some books about addiction but I didn't really learn anything new. But this way I connected more to myself and my past, I think. I also found books about stoicism that interested me and I want to learn more especially about Marcus Aurelius and his Meditations.

My conclusion is, that my wish for a quick fix to my issue is unrealistic. I can't impede the next relapse when I myself decide to demolish the thin walls and structures of recovery and grant myself the dismal pleasure of pmo.
Nevertheless I should built up and strengthen my resolution and my self-confidence. I must prepare myself for every battle as good as I can. But after that is done, there's just no guarantee, the only thing left to do is to pray. Yes I really should pray, rather than overestimate my abilities.

There's no bulletproof method, no new approach or technique for me! In fact I'll win this battle not by abstaining but by living a good life. The most important thing that I can do for my recovery is to learn from wise men and women. I need to learn discipline and all those qualities that those that were truely wise have exemplified through their lives and taught through their lessons.

The opposite of addiction is connection.
And of course, to learn and practice the good life, the past and old books is not everything.
Often the presence of other people alone and the fact that they "mess around" in my life is enough to break my addictive patterns.
My friends and my family is very very important for me. I'm blessed! And I hope there are still people waiting for me that will play important roles later in my life.

Yes, that's it. What I need to do is to make an effort to learn my lessons, walk my path and not go astray.
I want to write notes in the morning and before I go to sleep, similar to what Marcus Aurelius did.

 

Are you reading the book at the moment?
(I am)

 

Thanks @Are-we-there-yet? and @RiseToGreatness ! I agree, very good tips! I've only read the beginning before, so it was good to get notified.

That's important for me.

Ok, I've done quite a lot for recovery now. But I need to do my chores and duties as well. I should just make some clean days without checking in, forgetting a little bit about the whole issue and focus on my life.
But I will continue with Marc Aurelius and other books!

See you all later!

 

You know what day 27 put me back in the challenge. I come here most days so I might as well check in and be part of the challenge again.

 

Yes! For the first time even though I am a big fan of the movies.
Should we start a book club together? It should be a nice way to keep our heads focused on other things.

 

Welcome back dear Hobbit

 

day 10
The urges aren't strong today , i try to change my routine for better too.

 

Sure! I have less time for it lately plus I've begun other books. But I should finish LOTR at some point. I am now at the the moment were the Fellowship of the Ring leaves Rivendell.

 

Compensation.
Funny, I read on my News Feed "I've found myself on Wikipedia... that's a first for me.", without seeing the word "fishing. So I thought it was some accomplishment and I wanted to know more.
But this ... happens to all of it. In general it's not bad to learn about the origin of the bikini on wikipedia. What matters is thoughts and emotion as well as your level of arousal (i.e. heart beat) - these are signs that reveal when you already have begun hunting, fishing or whatever you may call it. You may be at Wikipedia now, but in a split second ... sure, you know what I'm saying. So ... just be aware and vigilant!
Have a good day my friend

 

Make yourself busy with something which requires concentration and focus....Maybe something like this :

@garmenclyde said' I went through a crisis where I asked myself what it would take so that I resist and not ruin my streak again.' Bro try to find a way to do it without the safety rope of tomorrow.

 

Uruk-Hai here (Day 8)

 

Great that will give me time to catch up! I currently am at Tom Bombadil's house.

 

Every day without PMO is like birthday

 

Me too!

Soon we'll be Hobbits.

 

Thank you brother! Keep going you're doing really well!

 

A friend said "maybe you can live with it" (with the addiction, with porn)
I didn't answered right away, I have to think about this definitely wise question.
Of course I don't want to live with it and I strive to leave it behind, yes, I hope to learn and grow from this whole long chapter. But then why do I still live with this passion? It's not just the moments when I fall, it's the whole craving and fantasizing. It's the treatment of it as a hobby and passion - of course most of the time I don't think like this but I there's this other side of me, it's porn-friendly, lustful, it adores these women of the porn world, but doesn't respect women, just want to use them for pleasure. Or just their features, parts of them. As soon as I'm online, as soon as I've opened a browser this ugly program already runs somewhere in my mind. And when I watch TV in the night I certainly think of the possible striptease I could find on some chanel or whatever might be around ...
I still look there for pleasure, stress-relieve! It's an automatic reflex that I the internet and I myself has taught myself.

This is my task!
If I don't want to live with it I need to live without it. I know that will be a beautiful, lovely, great time! But first I need to go through the pain and stay on the path.

I just realized what else I need to do: imagine the time after. Imagine the endless relieve, the proud and happiness when I have abstained for a very long time and I realized: I did it! I left porn behind me, before I'm old and grey and impotent.

 

It took me two hours in the gym and 3.5 hours of driving to get rig of today's urges,plus double meditation and two cold showers.

 

Day 12, reporting in.

Things are about to get real as school starts back up. I know I am strong enough for it. Let's get it!

 

That's perseverance right there man, well done.

 

Day 189