Day 4 Yesterday, I was all day outside, that's why I didn't write anything. Doing good in my studies, but I missed meditations. Well, it's all about consistency. But will try to do better today.
Day 11. Feeling some cravings this morning. Im realizing that I may need to pay closer attention to how I am using other forms of entertainment during this 90-day reset. My YouTube habits lately may have just been a way to distract me from the task at hand. I never watched anything sexual. Mostly just random stuff to distract my brain. I think this may be hurting me though. Its become difficult for me to just have nothing to do. As soon as I have a little bit of down time I look for something to distract me. This may be an effective approach when just starting out with NoFap in order to keep your brain busy and away from porn. All though I never did this during my first big reset. It has been more of a recent habit. Now that I am deep into my first porn free year I think that it is probably necessary to increase the pressure a little and try and pull this habit out by its roots.
Yeah, I think that oftentimes the desire to view porn or youtube stems from the same need to distract oneself from life. I commend you for wanting to "pull this habit out by its roots."
Well said @seszenyi19. I am constantly finding ways to distract myself from life. Music, podcasts, YouTube ....
Day 15 - Hobbit I’m a hobbit now! The last 2.5 weeks have felt like a lifetime, but not in a bad way. Cutting down on YouTube and cutting out PMO has already shifted my daily habits a lot. I’m exercising for the first time in several months, I’m making DnD characters, I’m reading books, playing less video games . . . I just feel more present than I have in a while. For those of you who are religious, keep me in prayers, this is my first major milestone, and I don’t want to get cocky (pun not intended, but I’m leaving it there lol). PMO is a way for me to distract from hard emotions and situations. It breeds shame in me that keeps me from sharing my life with the people I love. PMO is bad for me, and I don’t want it in my life anymore. This is for me, and for the teenager who couldn’t handle puberty and hated his body because of it. I want to live my life in accordance with my values. I think I’m in the flatline now, but the urges will be back, and it will be super fucking hard not to listen to them. But I am capable of resisting. Stay strong, brothers. Have a good day.
Day 255 no PMO. Last night was the 2nd night alone in the hotel. I did have some slight urges but was able to pray a little and distracted myself with a show on Hulu. I made a rule before I got here that I would only look at YouTube if there was something specific that I needed to watch. No browsing just to fill time and also no looking at Facebook. I think staying away from those distractions has helped me. Tonight will be night three and tomorrow morning I fly home.
Day 56! Almost managed to reach 9 pull ups, but my shoulder is hurting from work, so I'm taking it slow this week with the gym, however, I will be focusing on my writing more.
Checking in. I've been eating better and with more moderation the last few days, and all urges are under control. Today I did an hour of qigong and the movements up to today have been quite basic, but I'm now progressing into movements I find quite difficult. I have to learn to use my body in the right way and practice coordination, it will be good for me.
Vasectomy update I received a message from the clinic to confirm my tubal ligation surgery. Well, that is new, I didn't know I was a girl. So I went to the fertility clinic to see what was going on. Everyone laughed. They did not know what the problem was or why I got that message. But the person looking at the mistake seemed to like me so he gave me an appointment to get a vasectomy to see if I'm a candidate. That was luck. So on November 10th I have doctor's appointment. This experience It's quite liberating, I was reading to some tantric teaching and say a man who has given up domestic life, kids and marriage is one step closer to enlightenment. Solitude is a precious asset.