The Lord of the Rings Challenge

488 days

 

God demons realm
I've been in some dating apps lately it's been a while I must say I'm better looking right now and I attract a lot of girls. Some are very attractive and simply want to have sex.

I once went to that road, for a little while. It really shows your character, level of your mind if you can see how empty energy depleting casual sex is.

But the pleasure, animal pleasure is there. I'm glad I have my father he always see the minor flaws in a girl and inmediatly makes me forget about her, it doesn't matter how attractive she is.

I'm the son of my father a tantric master so I must have high standards in regards of love. So no casual sex I even have several neighbors living alone, that want to hook up.

But now only girls with good character, good compatibility with me and I find attractive.

But it can be disturbing I'm in the realm of dating, of pleasure, many demon like women, sex every where it really test me. Because they want it With me. Even not promiscuous girls but regular girls, home girls but with something strange in their characters that is enough to say no.

Anybody can be a monk but to remain chaste having all the pleasures in the world in front of your eyes to enjoy that and say no that is a real man.

The point of dating is finding a quality girl you like and are compatible with you.

I thought once again going to my monk days but you must face pleasure, women, the world, distractions without fear and strong character.

 

Day 277

 

Day 3.

I missed a few morning routines, in the last week. But I want to get back on them, so I’ll be on my way. Good luck!

 

54 days
This time I'll make it to the 90

 

2 weeks of life changing

 

Day 106. Changed my avatar as a symbol of a new stage. New challenge, I passed 90 days, I feel that my relationship with God is renewed:

I understand now that God really wants us to be part of the game, that we're in a team with him. He is almighty so he didn't really need us to do anything but he decided in his infinite wisdom to depend on us, we have to put our part for him to fully act. This is another amazing gift for us by God.

 

569 days semen retention

 

Day 270 no PMO. Last day of work before vacation. We head out tomorrow to go see my in-laws. I have relapsed at their house before so I need to stay focused.

 

Today I have definitely urges. They are like .. behind the curtains. But I know if I would just lift it a little bit I know I would immediately have trouble with this lurking craving. No better leave it where it is and not give it any more space. No change to it!

As long as I sit around, just doing a little bit of this and a little bit of that I'm potentially in danger. I should make a plan and get my day going. No time to waste!

Another factor is that I haven't MO'd for some time now but my libido is not at rest. So I better use this energy and be careful with it.

And if I waste time at least it has to be framed and under control. Work or leisure time, discipline or joy - anyways: clear decisions

 

Day 30 - Elf

I’m an Elf now!!! This is the longest stretch of time I’ve gone without MO’ing since I was 18 (I’m 24 for reference). There is still much more left for me on this journey, and many dark days ahead. But listening to y’alls collective wisdom has really helped me make real, positive changes in my life. I’m a Christian, so in addition to PMO damaging relationships and sapping motivation, there is also a moral element to my decision to quit. I’ve considered PMO to be a necessary evil in my life for a long time because I was so anxious during my senior year of high school and during college that I literally couldn’t relax enough to fall asleep. PMO was a very easy way to turn off those feelings and force my body to relax. That didn’t mean that my moral stance on PMO had changed. I wasn’t living in accord with my beliefs, and that contradiction made me feel really shitty about myself. I’ve made some huge steps this year in taking care of my mental health and getting my depression/anxiety into a manageable state. Now that I have ways to process emotions/anxiety other than turning them off, PMO is becoming less and less necessary. I’m still addicted to it though, and 6 years of ingrained habits don’t go away overnight. That’s where y’all come in. You’re support has been invaluable in tackling one of the most difficult challenges I’ve set for myself. Even if I didn’t have a moral reason to quit PMO, I would still want to do it because a.) it is harmful to my mental health and social relationships, and b.) I want to be the kind of person who can persevere to the end of an incredibly difficult goal. I’ve always shied away from difficult things because I was terrified of failure. Seeking the easy route through life has always kept me safe, but it’s also left me hollow and unfulfilled. I don’t want to run from difficult tasks. I want to destroy my ring. I want to get to the 500th day and keep going. It’s going to feel like shit for a lot of that journey, but I’m signing up for it anyway.

That went on for a while lol. I’ve signed up to audition for some plays with local community theatres. I was in a few plays in high school, and I really miss that creative outlet. One of my good friends is having a birthday party tomorrow, I’m excited for that. I’m also just stoked for the holidays. I’m one of the degenerates who’s already listening to Christmas music lolol.

I’m sorry for those who’ve fallen. I’m sure it sucks. It really, really sucks. Just know you’re not alone in this. We’re always here to read what you have to say. Hope everyone’s day is good. Peace and love, God bless.

 

Awesome! Good reflection, plans and a lot of days under your belt to back it up. I root for you!
Congratulations !!!

Are you planning to stick to this thread until you have 500 full or maybe longer or do you prefer to leave it earlier when you see you can stay clean without it? (I wonder what's best?)


Today I feel so much energy! Neither have I done anything actively to make my energy level higher (apart from sleeping long) nor have I used it properly. But it's just there. No exhaustion from long pmo session and abstaining from masturbation, I think that makes the difference. Sometimes it feels overwhelming sometimes just great.
I stood in line in the supermarket and I just felt fully awake, powerful, ready. It's so worth it!!!!

 

I've relapsed again. I've been feeling super super shitty today, the sun wasn't out for a single second today and I didn't go outside because I was having some pretty bad pains in my foot so its been hard enough as it is walking around the house let alone going outside for a walk. I really need to get into the habit of just opening up my distractions list when I get an urge. Even after making it, I still don't use it and instead rely on myself and my mind to deal with it when I know that won't work a lot of the time because my mind is the thing that causes me to relapse, relapsing is still a choice that I make at the end of the day. I need to basically turn off my brain and just do whatever is on the distractions list. I know distractions aren't good long term but in the state I'm in currently the best thing that I can do for now is just run from my urges.

I just want to stop feeling like this, it's such a frustrating state I'm in right now and I'm not helping myself by just giving into it but it's so fucking hard to do the things that I know will make me feel better (going out, studying, working out etc) because my mind and body are doing everything they can to make me not do them. And unfortunately they're succeeding so far.

 

I know how it's like to have lists of all sorts but never use them in the emergency case, or at least never make a habit out of it.
But you still can turn this fault to your favour. Actually you have it all on your mind already. So keep calm and rely on your nofap knowledge. And don't fear the urges.

The bitter truth is that we can have a lot of positive experiences where we deal with the urges well and still relapse regularly. But that also means that we're already are in the process of improving our behavioral patterns. Recovery starts before the streak, it starts during failing!

Let me remind you that a relapse doesn't justify more acting out. Stop watching porn!
It's hard to grasp when you're completely down, but you can improve your emotional state so much when you just make this decision: "I'll stop right now!" Clear your browser history, reset your counter, write a self-motivating post and that's it! From 0 to one is such an important step. It's like a full recovery in a nutshell

Longer streaks are not everything. But if you want recovery you have to do something for yourself. Make small improvements. Give yourself some credit and trust in yourself a little bit more. Or find a higher cause.
If you want change you need to change things. I'm not talking about things that seem impossible right now. Small steps.

People talk about the best version of themselves. But how can we suddenly act as if we were already those versions? I think it works only if you do it piece by piece: what would the version of myself do now, who doesn't eat that cake? What would the best version of myself do, who doesn't neglect training, who's a fitness addict? What would the best version of myself do who DOESN'T LISTEN TO AN URGE do now, when he's subjected to an urge?

 

Urge surfing


It works like this: the urge (thoughts, feelings, inner pictures or porn flashbacks, arousal) appears and you recognize that it's there and decide that you want to use this technique called urge surfing (maybe you can develope it so well that you do it automatically). Then you do the urge surfing: you try to "just feel" the urge, you don't act it out, you don't do ANYTHING that the urge wants or tells you to do nor do you do anything to flee out of the situation or distract yourself. Urges come in waves, thus the name "urge surfing".

So far the theory. I think it is a good technique. But it would be too easy if it would always work like it should work. If this simple technique would be enough to stay abstinent, pa would be piece of cake. I've tried it a lot and sometimes it has worked.
What do you guys think of it?

 

THE SECRET

But my surprising discovery is, that I don't need to "surf" the urge. It wasn't a technique to rely on and now I have found out I don't even need a technique to defy an urge to use porn. I have found the real secret to defy an urge to use porn!
The secret iiiis ................

Spoiler: this is the secret

just DON'T use it

Wasn't that a good secret? Maybe not, then I'll refer you to a far wiser man than I am: Minyur Rinpoche. Trust me!
Seriously, this was so funny! The buddhist monk Mingyur Rinpoche said this in his teaching: he said "the secret iiiis ..." and then he had to laugh all the time until he pulled himself together and finally he said

Spoiler: this is the secret

THE SECRET IS THERE IS NO SECRET

 

Day 7, and Day 8

 

All that is gold does not glitter;

Not all who wander are lost.

The old that is strong does not wither.

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.