Welcome, mate, to the wonderful Wizarding World! I foresee that you will become a very strong wizard! May your Hogwarts adventures and magic life be one of growth and plenty.
there is a lot of inspiring and profound stuff in your great post. but i especially liked two words - "more myself". that's probably the worst thing about my addiction - i stop being myself. My desires become predictable and depressingly banal. in fact, my desires are not even mine - they are the desires of an exhausted blind mind, which has forgotten that it can do much more. Thank You, bro, thank you for giving me that thought
HOGWARTS STUDENT - YEAR TWO - RAVENCLAW - Day 20 It was nice year at Hogwarts, now returning to home to have some break from all those spells & riddles. Hoping to catch that train once again romorrow!
Howdy, I'm a muggleborn at day 0, hoping to become a good student at Hogwarts soon. I'll check here once a week as I find reading certain threads a risky act for my journey. Fair day to you!
Hey, welcome! I'll put you down on the list. Friendly reminder: When you join, start at Day 0 instead of Day 1. So check in as Day 1 when you have completed a day instead of at the beginning of a day. I hope you enjoy your journey in the Wizarding World!
And back to Muggle. Relapsed last night. I had urges all day long and resisted. But woke up in the middle of the night and M. That is my biggest problem now. I almost only relapse like this, waking up and having an almost automatic behavior. At least I didn't watch P, that part makes me happy. Today I had some urges, still feel much energy in my body and I am not used to it. But I am going on a travel and it will probably help me continue without relapsing again for some time. I want to feel comfortable with this energy. Good points: no P, I was not fully conscious when I started M, managed well for some time and tried new tools that helped a lot. I feel I made progress. I woke up and had desire to do it again, after all, I had already relapsed, but I did a litle thinking and remembered that's not what I want. I don't like it. I want to master myself and live in truth to who I am and have a healthy sexuality. I am managing better my feelings of guilt too, I am not depressed. I am patient and understand it is a process. Points to get better: I think if I sleep earlier and control my anxiety during the day I won't have this impulse when sleeping. If anyone has any other tip to give me... I still don't know exactly how to deal with this. When awake I resist, even when I saw an image. But when sleeping... the last time I relapsed right before, 12 days ago, I woke up and was possessed by an urge and atomaticly took my tablet, in wich I was reading before sleep, and searched P. It is a pattern I can't still figure out how to stop.
I have limited time to answer but one idea could be to make your sleep hard enough so that you will not wake up in a middle. I mean maybe going sleep exhausted (either mentally or physically) would help with that? Also sometimes I wake up around 3am bc of need to pee-so to limit this I would try not to drink hour before going to bed or something like that-you know to limit possibility of such risky scenario appearing. Other idea-for me what works best against strongest urges is to stop doing anything I am engaged, literally drop anything I do and proceed with intense strength training, after which urges are temporarily halted and it gives me chance to remove trigger (i.e. block someone/site, switch off device etc) and focus on other stuff-still you would need to adjust this approach bc of time of night and not clearly defined trigger.
Sorry about the relapse. What's good about relapses is that it gives us more data to collect in order to see what weak points we need to work on. As long as we pick ourselves back up and give it our full and honest effort, we will get stronger.
Day 8. Finally joined Hogwarts! I've taken the sorting hat quiz (via Pottermore) and I ended up in Gryffindor. I always thought of myself as a Slytherin given I'm a very ambitious individual who will do anything to get what I want, but I've always realised that I tend to challenge a lot of things head on if I do not agree with them. I have always seen myself as politically correct and I feel that maybe this outweighs my Slytherin tendencies even though they are very strong. Anyways I'm excited about this.