Day 414. No urges yesterday and I worked for several hours by myself from home. That would have been a huge trigger for me in the past. Seems like all this work is paying off finally. Keep after it everyone!
I was attempting this challenge last year but gave in to PMO. But I am starting again today. Day 0. Let's get till the end...
Day 6 and 7 - duo feedback sry, I was very busy yesterday because of university and my challenge Keep going - feel good !
Day zero Totally my fault. Should have stopped it when I still had power. Started fishing and then just escalated into worst stuff. My error was that I stayed home while it was all happening and I should have gone out of the door when I started having the urge. I’m sad, but not destroyed. Didn’t binge “too much”. Wasted only an hour of my life right now. I’ve gotten up afterwards and got out of the house like I should have done in the first place to make sure that didn't happen again.
14 days check in. I shall win this battle against PMO. It has been really hard to keep this streak. I won't fail again.
Staying home alone is the No. 1 reason for relapses. I have fallen to it many times. But no problems mate, get up and get going AGAIN...
67 days my brave Fellowship!! All good, feeling solid and doing my reboot strategy to the most, even being ill. no urges. Here´s an interesting excerpt from "your brain on porn", page 87. Checking out! "The bad news is that trigger-pathways sometimes stay around for a long time, even after you are otherwise fully rebooted. They do weaken. For example, an alcoholic who has been sober for 20 years may no longer be triggered by beer commercials. Yet if he drank a beer his sensitized pathways might light up causing him to lose control. Similar things happen to former porn users. They become immune to cues that were formerly risky, but if they use porn again they may binge. You will need to be mindful of triggers for a long time, especially powerful ones, so it pays to work out what they are and be well aware of them. You also need to have a predetermined response in mind for when you face one. With alertness, expectation and advance preparation, overcoming an urge is do-able. They usually pass if you can distract yourself for about ten minutes. These men explain how they use triggers to their advantage: "One day I am browsing the web when my parents decide to go out. I didn’t want to go, so I keep doing my stuff. When they close the door, something clicks in my head. Suddenly, a big desire for porn pops into my mind. I was turned on by the closing of a door! That was the first time I realized that ‘the parents leaving home’ is another trigger for me. Obvious, but I hadn't noticed it. Now, every time my parents leave the house, I go out for a walk, call a friend or just stop using my computer and do something useful."
Day 1 Done middle urges yestarday and I was alone the entire day but I figured out how to manage the urges. Keep strong my brothers!
Thanks so much, @RiseToGreatness, for your encouragement. I needed that. Day two now, I made it to Orc. I made myself a note for this morning to review and do my Action Plan that I worked out with my counselor for recovery. Now I'm doing it. It feels a lot better than PM!
The Sea is smooth while I'm sailing towards my destiny. Behind me, lust and compulsion, is already covered by the mist of the Sea. I'm looking forward to become a Hobbit. I really am! An Orc is better than a Ńazgûl, of course, but I'm tired of beind an Orc, and so I'm just waiting to take that role of an hobbit. When from there, the next milestone will be becoming an Elf. Then, I think, it's time for a new strong commitment. A noble and a brave one, with the vision of a new life that is forever porn-free. I'm not going to make such a commitment now, but I think with 30 days under my belt, I may dare!
... but I shall make another special commitment: From now on and for the rest of the year I won't watch movies alone anymore This means watching anything together with someone else is allowed. But when I'm on my own, I won't watch 1. a movie 1a. documentaries are still allowed 2. an episode of a serials 3. an entertaining (rather than educational) youtube video I'm thinking of making more of such pledges, by and by. Like maybe The Nine Rings, or something more positive with a connection to LOTR. But one step after the other. EDIT: this doesn't go for porn. So a porn relapse is not a break of my pledge - as long as I don't follow up with non-sexual entertainment.
Check in: had a hugely productive day yesterday and no urges. I'd love to have a whole week like this and that's what I'm going for. Today has started out well. Keep the faith, friends!
Day 102 My flatmate and his fiancé took me out for dinner to celebrate 100 days free from PMO, even got me some doughnuts in the shape of ‘100’ - aside from being absolutely stuffed full I’m extremely heartened by their support. I was reminded of the importance of being honest about our battles today; I mentioned at work that I was celebrating tonight and my colleague asked what the occasion was, I was honest and said that I used to be a PMO-addict and I was celebrating this milestone. She was astonished, it turns out that she is also facing the same battle; I remember the feeling of knowing I wasn’t alone and the encouragement that knowledge gave me, so I hope by seeing that you can put the worst behind you is an encouragement for her.
