Day 2 complete! Plenty of urges to give in tonight, but fortunately the pain of my last relapse is still present in my mind. Examining my emotions really helped--finding positive, healthy ways to fill in the holes created by temptation. Channeling the sort of righteous anger I felt has also helped--how dare this PMO invade my life and try to drag me back into slavery? I feel this big-time. But the question we've got to ask is...what's the worst that could happen? St. Kateri Tekakwitha, pray for us!
Day 118 complete even tho I deleted instagram I find it hard to controll what I am looking at on the web
Day 32 Too far to turn back now... I'm gonna beat this thing! @Gallade_Templar It can't be any worse than what we did to ourselves with this porn thing!
Day 0 I think it was the tiredness plus not having sex with my wife for 2-3 weeks. P gifs, no masturbation, but I reached orgasm.
Dang, sorry brother. That was a sweet streak going on. It's amazing how potent those moving pictures can be at triggering the old neural pathways. All of that still counts, and you can get right back to another amazing PMO-free stretch if you want to.
Day 95 was rough, I came the closest I've been to M since starting my streak. I had a spontaneous erection in the shower and began to self stimulate by sheer habit; I had to shout myself down with a loud mental "NOOOOOOO!" and go full ice cold water to escape without going further. I'm glad I was able to stop, and so glad didn't ejaculate or orgasm, but it was disturbing how easy it would have been and how much a part of me still wants to finish off what I almost started. In examining potential triggers, I want to try to be aware of any lust lurking behind the arousal I experienced. I went on some outings with my kids this week and noticed several attractive women in the various venues we visited. I didn't ogle them or dwell on their bodies at the time, but I did notice them. It makes me mad that my brain still defaults to its most primitive procreative objectification setting whenever a human female is near. I want badly to move my brain past that and see people first and not their skins. So maybe noticing these women stoked the fires of my libido without me being aware of it. In addition, my wife and I cuddled a lot in bed the last couple of days, and I know that this was arousing to my body and libido. We are still working on our emotional bonds and trust relationship before we venture into carezza, so I haven't had sex or PMO of any kind in 96 days, and that probably has something to do with my libido having a mind of its own right now. The combination of subsconsious sexual priming with affectionate hormonal activitation is likely what set my loins to yearning. I'm craving intimacy, and I'm still objectifying potential sources of intimacy by subsconsious habit. The best way forward for me seems to be to stay aware and admit when this keeps happening, so that I can hopefully break myself of these habits and smooth out these mental ruts. I don't imagine I will ever stop having urges occasionally, or wanting intimacy deeply, but as I work on keeping my motives clean and my body under the control of my will, I hope that a healthy intimate relationship with my wife will fill in the void eventually. That's my check in for day 95-96. Thanks Fellowship!
Day 6 Having urges, not acting up on them. I know that this week is going to be extra hard because of random external stuff in my life. And I just need to remember that I can let that stuff wash over me or I can let it drown me. All I need to do is to remember that recovery happens everyday and in any situation and keep going. @kaerhal Amazing! Great job on day 100. I love reading the stuff you write, thank you and keep going until you destroy this ring.
Day checking in: Aaah!, i throw my cellphone , almost took the ring , i stop myself to comit a stupidity. How to prevent: I will try not have all the day with me this little machine.
1-7 days >> Orc (The spell of porn is strong in you) "As long as I have breath in my body, my fate is my own." -Talion of Gondor, upon donning Isildur's ring (Day 1: Attempt#2) Once more I return to orc flesh. I realize that this journey will be gradual, as it was a gradual descent into this madness soo long ago. For now, I proceed. Being a monster or otherwise.
