I see your overall point. We have to allow ourselves to feel the depth of feeling that cause urges, so that we can learn healthy ways of keeping free from PMO. But I think it is unfair to say that using things to protect us make us weaker. For example, this group is an asset; it's made me stronger by giving me the encouragement to keep going. By your statement we shouldn't use anything and just go it on willpower. But if we had succeeded in doing that we wouldn't be here on this forum. At some level you must agree that you needed something external to help?
Chastity devices. I had to look that up. I looked at the list of sites. I won't mention them because it may be a trigger for someone reading. Needless to say they were all sex stores, kinks. I don't know what i was expecting, but i wasn't expecting websites from the sex industry. There was my first clue. I opened one, and I looked at a page. I liked the idea, but not from a nofap point of view. From a sex toy point of view. That was my second clue. In addiction I dreamt of buying a dildo or butt plug and I knew where playing with them would end up. And when I saw those devices they awoke similar desires. It would be absurd for me to buy a sex toy in order to try and make me not masturbate. I can see it now - if i am getting horny i put this on. But the act of putting it on would peobably just increase my desires even more. That sounds like an alcoholic buying a drink, a chocolate addict buying chocolate. It makes no sense. I'm now actually having to work hard at moving my mind away from those thoughts to let the feelings pass. Internet filter. I agrre with what others have said about it not solvimg the underlying issue. But i see it as a useful tool that can give breathing space to help you work on those issues. Put it this way. If you're constantly still watching stuff you don't have energy to work out why. Remove access and you free time and energy to do that work. My filter also blocks certain otherwise innocent keywords. I'm a former crossdresser, so even things lile "skirt" can send me down paths. I can login and give access if i really need to. Tonight i did so because I wanted to look at clothes for my wife for a present. So the filter allows me to work on my motives too. And by blocking certain things it helps prevent desires getting stronger.
For those of you that disagree with the use of chastity devices, do you feel that it is okay for the addict to masturbate in a relationship? And to the guys, if you do masturbate are you fantasising about your wife or girlfriend? Be honest now . . . Yes, in the first few months of a relationship, I might masturbate to fantasies of the woman I am dating . . . but after that, I am almost certainly fantasising about other women. And, in my experience, masturbating will eventually lead back to porn and, no matter what, it seems to have a negative impact on my relationship. I went over a year without masturbation, met a girl and had some really great sexual connection for the first six months or so. Then Covid hit. The stress and anxiety were extreme. I made a decision to masturbate, thinking after a year I could handle it and deciding it would be a good form of stress relief. One wank turned into porn within a few days and I got hooked on porn for another 9 months. After that, I tried to masturbate on occasion, imagining that the occasional wank would boost my sex drive and result in better / more frequent sex with my partner. In reality though, I became more focused on how many wanks I could get away with than on being sexually intimate with my partner. Masturbation was simply more important to me than intimacy. I have endured a fair amount of criticism for using a chastity device to control my addiction to masturbation (and orgasm), but not masturbating has enabled me to be more present with my partner, to have more physical intimacy (and to really want it) and to successfully practice techniques of karrezza.
Currently at 153 days without masturbation or orgasm. My record without masturbation is 200 days. Or, 325 days if you don't count the time that I ejaculated while trying to put the device on. (I counted that one as a slip with MO - after a powerful "dry" dream, I engaged in some edging, addictively trying to re-create the orgasmic experience. This led to the state of mind and body where I ejaculated after 125 days.) I could never have achieved these results without the chastity device, and over time I have used it less and less. (Yes, I do agree that will power is better than a mechanical restraint, but as a compulsive masturbator I have lacked the power to resist). Currently, I've been using the device about once a week, for a few hours at most and am seeing a trend. The most perilous time of the week for me is the first day of my weekend. The transition from busy, busy, busy to suddenly having free time . . . and a tremendous anxiety that I will fail to achieve much with my precious days off . . . and trying to balance that with being utterly exhausted and depleted from a demanding job. I want to rest and restore, but I also want to reward myself and indulge. Not being hard at work physically, the energy builds and the anxiety overwhelms me. The temptation to masturbate is almost unbearable and I turn to the device. Anybody have any tips for making the transition from 10-12 hour work days to suddenly having the whole day to oneself? Any healthy suggestions for coping with anxiety?
Yard work. Cleaning the bathrooms. Rotating your tires. Changing the oil. Cleaning your gutters. Changing the water and air filters. Make a grid. Find despair.
Lock your cock? I'd say it's pointless unless you keep the animal caged constantly but that's not a good idea. You need to get erections daily in order to preserve function and these "devices" seem to restrict that. Not to mention that the whole thing smells after submission and humiliation fetishes and you don't want to go there.
Yes. Wearing one 24/7 can be really harmful. I try to use mine as little as possible. But, as has just been pointed out - my recovery isn’t very solid, despite one orgasm in the last 161 days and one porn slip in the last 599 … if I can’t stop playing with my penis! I can make it a few days sometimes, and I usually won’t take it to orgasm, but it seems like I just can’t stop masturbating.
There are 2 problems with porn addicts: Problem No 1: Mindset is a problem. Many of us think that they are not worthy of love or friendship. Read Out of Shadows: understanding sexual addiction for more. Problem No 2: Porn blockers help. They create friction. Of course, motivated addict will find a way to bypass them. I personally use company grade next gen firewall with SSL WebInspection Webfilter. I was still find a way to bypass it. Till I changed mindset. Consider using both web blockers + improve your mindset.
I don't see how its a bandaid. The issue is the consumption of pornography. Taking steps to prohibit you from consuming it leads to you breaking your reliance. This is much in the same way that nicotine patches and medications help people get off smoking. I agree that the solution is a shift in mentality but to me, that shift in mentality comes from long periods where you learn how to live without the negative influence.
Exactly. I tried to quit smoking 1000 times. And started again 1000 times. Many years smoke free now. What happened the last time? I used the nicotine patch and followed the directions. I’m all for porn blockers to break the porn habit and chastity device to break the wank habit.
I think chastity devices can cut both ways in terms of a NoFap journey, and I think it really depends on mindset and and context. They are clearly usually used as part of a fetish, and that's where I was first introduced to them. Most guys who wear them continue to look at P actively, continue to engage in sexual activity (even if the device remains on), and ultimately use them to get off, rather than to help take a break from negative sexual patterns. But I think they can also serve as a good reminder that M is off limits, and they definitely prevent the unwanted behavior. It's just a matter of what you do with that feeling of being physically prevented from touching. If you allow it to turn you on, and slip into fantasizing, then it's not helping. But if you let it "short circuit" the pattern of behavior and actually truly turn your attention elsewhere then I think they can definitely help, especially in cases of seriously compulsive behavior. Personally, my addictions are to P and M, which push me away from my long term partner and a healthy sexual dynamic in my relationship. Wearing a chastity device has really helped me with this, since it stops the MO and proves to my partner that I'm being faithful to my promises. There may be a small amount of pleasure that we both take in the more "kinky" side of this, but I don't think that's an issue, as long as it's always shared with a long-term partner, doesn't somehow pollute or take over the romance, and doesn't lead back to P or M. There have been times in my life when I used to MO five+ times per day. No matter what else is going on, I think wearing a chastity device is a lot healthier and more sustainable than that.
Hi @+TenPercent I see you are still considering using a chastity device to help with your recovery. It's been a while since I've been around, so I'd like to reacquaint myself with your situation: Given that chastity devices are known fetish devices and the success of many guys doing reboots the "normal way", what makes your situation different?
Perhaps my situation isn’t so different, even if my solution is. Currently close to 2 years free from porn. But masturbation is my deeper addiction. I’ve been trying to quit for a decade plus. The device has helped me to achieve several 100+ day streaks. I try not to rely on it, but many times it has helped me to get past some serious urges.
How is your masturbation addiction affecting your life? And how does using a chastity device overcome this?
Precisely. I jerked off daily and was single for many years. And, for years, I knew deep down that I preferred masturbation to having real sex. Yes, you read that right. If I had to choose between masturbation and sex, I would have chosen masturbation. I also preferred masturbation to getting a good job or any other pursuit. That's how HOOKED I was on masturbation. It has to stop at all costs. I just went half a year without jerking off, did it once, and now I CRAVE it. I have a girlfriend that I love. I want to make love to her (to give her pleasure) but struggle to get myself aroused for that activity . . . yet I simultaneously CRAVE to have fantasies and masturbate. I am such a mess. I can not stop masturbating without using a chastity device.
What do you mean you cannot stop masturbating? You are not always masturbating are you? You are making the choice to correct? If the urges are so strong, I suggest adopting a lifestyle where masturbating that often is incredibly difficult. Run 10 miles a day so you are too tired. Only be inside your home to sleep so you have no time. There are many lifestyles that would prevent you from being to masturbate at all. You can choose to change your life to make it less susceptible to slipping up.
Hi. So I just want to say a couple things about chastity devices. I read the posts and see the opinions on them vary greatly. So let me tell you mine. I am in my late 50s. I wear a chastity device 24/7/365. I did it to protect myself from falling into the M trap. I have had my bouts with it from time to time. I haven't been able to have intimate contact for 20 years because of my wifes chronic lifelong health issues. So after a decade and a half of fighting the battle on and off, I needed help. I was going to implode. I didn't do it a lot. But when I did, I didn't like the way I felt mentally and chemically post-M. After a while, I just couldn't take it anymore. From the mood swings, the guilt, knowing I was doing something that was just wrong, I felt this empty, and unfulfilling feeling in my gut. Yet I would keep coming back to M. That is when I discovered chastity cage devices. I did think it was strange, especially since I knew nothing about bdsm. But, keeping an open mind, I tried it. I was in for a surprise. Once I locked myself in the cage and focused on the goal, as I had always done, this time it felt different. Yes it was. I was locked for about 4 years by self locking. Now that's a problem. When I would have a breakdown, I would give in. It was from less frequent, but I did have failures. It was working, but having control meant self determination, and I am not real good at that. I had met someone that knew my plight. They offered to hold my key so I could not screw up. Now, I have been 16 months locked continuously. I have not been out of my cage. It's been 17 months since I last masturbated. So I have had no side effects. I have a good fitting cage. It is very comfortable. I do not even know that I am wearing it most all the time. In well over 5 years, it has been trouble free. So everyone has a thought or opinion, and thats ok. For me I can tell you this. A chastity cage has been the difference maker for my successful MO problem. The results are there. To be fair, I understand the feelings that some may have. But it's foolish not to try something and it might actually help. Chastity caging allowed me to relax and enjoy the good things umdistracted from my urges for MO, which have tapered off as a result of having no ability to fulfill them
Thanks for replying @Bobber . It's always good to hear other's opinions. I read your reply and it sounds like you're using it the same way I use my internet filter. I started using one years ago, and it helped when I wanted to access stuff. It's a great thing to have to help with that "no return from this place" temptation. But in the last year since I've joined this forum I've found increasing amounts of freedom because I've worked at the other things that lead me to want to look up stuff. Does that make sense? So yes, it's 229 days since I used hardcore porn, which is my longest streak ever. Likewise it's 186 days since I masturbated with orgasm, 94 since I masturbated without. I'm working on the other behaviours. It's 42 days since I looked up try-on clothing hauls on youtube. I deleted my Pinterest account 27 days ago. To me this is where real freedom is coming from: making smarter choices long before porn enters my mind.
This!! This is how I feel. I just feel like total crap after masturbating. Yet it seems like I am unable to stop once the urges hit. Even if I do hold off, I sometimes lose hours in a day fighting off the urges (or maybe enjoying the lustful feelings while resisting the urge to MO). When the urges are there, all I can think about is how much I want to M and how good it would feel to O. I obsess over that O. But, especially after a slip, I feel this nagging sense that life is passing me by, that I have wasted too much time and energy distracted by lust. I can barely walk down the street without being distracted by lustful feelings and desires for the women that I see (especially in warm weather). My addict mind thinks it's a treat to feel this rush of arousal and sexual desire . . .but it's just a dopamine hit and it prevents me from being able to enjoy all the rest that life has to offer. From my limited experience, I believe you!! Whenever I am in chastity I feel calm. And I can finally focus on other things. I am just sick of how my life is consumed by the urge to masturbate and have orgasms. Maybe I should consider wearing my device more often. Having my urges to MO taper off sounds like a dream. In a perfect world, I would only have urges to O when being intimate with my girlfriend.
