On Ch*stity Devices . . . and porn blockers

Engaging with and utilizing whatever tools to avoid sexually problematic behavior may prevent you from physically engaging in that behavior. On the other hand, it enhances your relationship with your "addiction". You feed the idea of being an addict and needing such devices. Whatever thoughts you have now are more likely to appear in the future than the thoughts you do not have.

Thinking about being an addict and talking about masturbation every single day may get your burnt on the fire you refuse to extinguish.

I understand that I may not be as deep in the trenches as some other people on here, so take it with a grain of salt. Speaking from my own experience, even engaging with this website (tool) sometimes becomes reminder that sex addiction is a thing and brings my head into those circuits.

 

That's fair PeterGrip.

I think you have a balanced view. Thank you for not bashing like some closed minded people.

Despite being labeled as a freak or weirdo by a closed minded poster, among some profanity, I am not. Not a bdsm guy. Just a guy with a problem that found out that a cage permanently on me worked.

It's a set and forget. I don't think about it every 2 seconds like I did with masturbation. I do think of it when I want to and just can't. Then I move on.

I only have a MO problem so I dont use a filter or some other blocking device, but I would if it was necessary. I will put up as many road blocks, physical, mental, spiritual, as I can get my hands on... so I can keep my hands off!!!

PMO people say "if it feels good, do it". I say, of it will stop you, do it". You can't put out a forest fire with a bucket of water. They throw everything at it that they have. I do the same.

Personally, I think a lot less about PMO from wearing a chastity device than I think about PMO from reading this site. That was a good point you made.

Whatever it takes. You do what you gotta do to win. Thanks for being balanced and not pigeon-holed in imrightedness like some are.

 

Of course there is a balance to everything.

Let's think about a man. He previously engaged in sexual behavior when he had the chance, but now he practices no PMO. Let's imagine two different environments:
1. A regular house and a daily routine with no triggers.
2. Some whorehouse or whatever where he 24/7 is surrounded by people (or items, whatever he likes to engage with) that he with incredibly low effort could engage with sexually.

If that man prefers to live in environment 1, is he some loser with no real willpower since he's not actually wrestling with his demons?
If he lives in environment 2, what is his mind going to revolve around?
In which environment is he most productive?

 

PeterGrip, nice. Thanks for your excellent logical reasoning. You give much thought and it translate to productive words.

If he lives in environment 1, he is logical. We all know that, whoever your friends are (or the surroundings you choose to dwell in), that is who you will become. He is not a loser, he is smart. It's about shielding yourself. Like a guy in battle, is he out there saying, I can beat these guys, I don't need no stinking shield. That's just dumb. You arm yourself with whatever tools you need, you avoid people places and things that would draw you in to temptation, that IS someone that is wrestling with his demons, and puts himself in a position to succeed.

The person that chooses to surround himself with one's that are doing the things he is trying to avoid is just crazy. Why would you do that?

I want to quit smoking and drinking. So I am gonna go out to a smoke filled bar and see if I can resist it. Crazy.

If you walk the streets late at night where the ladies of the evening are hanging out on the streetcorner, because you look longingly at them and have the urge to get with a person but you know you shouldn't, how long is it gonna be before you have in? Do you put yourself there and say, I know I can resist the temptation. Crazy.

Some smart guy said, he that walketh with wise men shall be wise, but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. Proverbs 13:20

So there you have it. No better place to get advice.

Eve, don't look at that. Eve, Eve, what the heck are you doing? Don't go near... Oh no don't touch that. Oh crap I can't believe you just bit that. (Eve stands there, naked, holding the Apple between her breasts, giving him this seductive look, and in a sultry voice says)Mmm, hey baby, you want some of this? (In that moment, the first occurrence of a man thinking with his little head and not his big head said) Heck yeah baby I want some of that.

The conclusion of the matter is this... If God would have put Eve in a flannel nightgown, we would probably all be living in Paradise right now Credit: Jeff Foxworthy).

Don't look. Don't touch. Don't walk there. Don't drive down there. Dont hang with those that want to go there.

Easier said than done. Build your wall. Fortify it. Make sure you are on the correct side of your wall.

That was fun.

 

For me it was not that the device was a reminder of not being able to PMO but more the opposite, like everything sexual related just didnt click or got processed differently, i felt very asexual.
If you wear it long therm, for me it was 3 months, you dont even notice it anymore, just like wearing a watch or something.
It wasnt even locked, just didnt take it off, just set myself the goal of 3 months and kept it on.

 

Rene75... You da man!!!

You so get it!!!!! That is exactly how it is supposed to work. It did for you. You went into it with the right attitude and got the desired result. I applaud you.

I did the same 90 day thing. After that it just seemed like it was supposed to be this way. Yes, asexual thoughts do come into the mind. That is how it has become for me. 5 and a half years, but the last year and a half are the onea that were strict. But as you say, you dont really notice it.

Outstanding post!!

 

Right with you.

 

If my husband needs to lock up his penis because he won't control himself then it's time for me to leave.

 

It is all a choice. You have been here in this community and on this journey long enough to know that you have resources. A whole shit ton of them. These resources are there for addicts to develop and learn healthy behaviors and healthy coping skills. They are there to learn how to deal with triggers, habitual responses, and daily life in general. It is a choice to learn them, it is a choice to practice them, it is a choice to make them a permanent part of your daily life to remain in recovery.

 

I really wish we had more than just a like button here. One of my favorites on Facebook is the care emoji. You keep working towards your goals. You'll get there.

 

What woman would want a man who's locked in a cage, besides a dominatrix? Both the dom and sub are disgusting and vile. You can use sex to convey love or power. It's a double edged sword.

 

Right?? How humiliating and miserable it would be that the only way your partner is able to not cheat on you is if they literally physically lock themselves up. It's akin to the people who have to have locks on the kitchen cabinets so they don't compulsively eat every bit of junk food that comes in the house until they vomit and then go eat more again. Either there's a genetic disorder involved or the person is in serious need of inpatient treatment and has no business being taken seriously as a partner until they've gotten the treatment. Good lord, y'all, go get professional help.

 

You might want to check out Dr Trish Leigh and rewire your brain.