Addicted to TV show, net, Porn, computer, movies

Feb 22(Monday)- day 10

Yesterday I got up at 7. Then I studied for 2 hours . After that I wasted my time with sleeping, laziness and procrastination.
Then I studied from 4-6. Then gym and then I studied for 1 hour and slept.

Alignment

• No PMO- done
• No tv show binge- Done

• No internet time wastage- done
• Sport addiction control- done

Misalignment

• Control entertainment/ time wastage - not done(slept too much)around 12-14 hours
• Shower- Not done
• Time management - Not done
• Study- Not done ( only 5 hours)

 

Feb 23- day 11( Tuesday)

Today I had planned to get up at 4 having slept at 10 the previous day. But I couldn't muster up the resolve to beat the laziness. As I had woken up from the alarm but I kept sleeping. Then around 7 my father got up and starting banging the door as he was sleeping on the ground floor . So I had to get up and open up. But due to not doing what I had planned I felt low but then I picked myslef up and started studying.
At 9:30 I felt sleepy and went upstairs where my family lives. I study on the ground floor of my home where my father office is and where he works. I study in the other office specifically left by my father for my studies.
Then I slept from 11:30 to 1 pm. I again felt low but I gathered some resolve and studied till 4 pm. Then I had to go see a dermatologist but I procrastinated and missed the appointment. I have acne and hairfall problem.
Then again I felt low but then I went to gym after massive pursuasion from my friend. I came back at 10 and then has dinner and watched TV.
Most imp. I could have relapsed today due the trigger of sports addiction . I started watching wwe and wasted time with all sports updates and websites on net after missing my appointment.
BUT I DIDNT.

Alignment​

• No PMO- done​
• No tv show binge- Done​

• Gym- done​

Misalignment​

• Control entertainment/ time wastage - not done(slept too much)around 11 hours ​
• Shower- Not done​
• Time management - Not done​
• Study- Not done ( only 4 hours)​
• No internet time wastage- Not done​
• Sport addiction control-Not done​

 

Thnx @rocky77777 bro for such support and motivation. I am sleeping right now , so I am gonna watch it later.

 

I just got up at 10 am. I have slept for 10 hours. I then went upstairs and started watching football videos, TV , and news videos on net. This is the trigger from where I relapse into all kinds of addictions. Because I feel a sense of hopelessness of achieving my dreams. The hopelessness of not having the self - Control and discipline.

 

Thnx a lot @rocky77777 Your words of encouragement means a lot to me. And also reignites the self belief in me that I can achieve my goals.

My main problem is attitude towards life. I know what's the right thing to do but procrastinate and then it all gets downhill as then I start making excuses to myself.

For eg. When I know I should study and I don't then I think 1 day doesn't matter or I will study from tomorrow.
I need to take my medicine but I don't due to laziness then I feel so what 1 day doesn't matter .
Idk is it laziness, procrastination , or lack of motivation. Because when I do it I feel good but when I don't I regret later.
Maybe it's because it's hard for me to follow a discipline and make a habit of something. I have never got a habit for eg. I started doing yoga but then I couldn't inculcate the habit even after trying many times. I wanted to read many books but I didnt inculcate the habit of reading. Like just now I had to take my medicine but I procrastinated and felt lazy but after doing it I felt good that I did it.

some years back I wanted to learn guitar and chess so after much procrastination and 'chalta hai' attitude like how does it matter if I don't learn or I wouldn't become a professional so why try. But my mother encouraged and I went but hesitatingly but after I went I felt good and thought I should have done it earlier. But I gave up on both after missing some classes of chess due to not doing the homework which they told and guitar classes due to the reason they asked me to buy a guitar to learn after some classes. So I didn't wanna buy guitar due to fear of being made fun of by friends and family. So I gave it up.


Today I visited a psychologist . I will again go tomorrow. She will assess my problems and then try resolving them.

 

Feb 24- day-12

I got up at 10 am. Then I went upstairs and started checking Facebook. Then I started seeing a 1 hour news debate on some issue. Then the addiction triggered and I started watching sports highlights from football matches I didn't watch.

Then around 1 30 pm I gathered some sense and did what was right. I wrote about this on this forum , felt good and felt some strentgh to recover. Then I studied for 2 hours . Then I took an appointment with a psychologist and went with much hesitation and doubts. On the verge of backing out I just told myself that I don't need to see her just reach there. So I went then we talked about my problems.
After coming back I was busy in some housework till 9 then I studied for half an hour and procrastinated time.
I slept at 12 : 30 . Till then I was chatting with my sister's about their life.

Alignment

• No PMO- done
• No tv show binge- Done

Misalignment

• Control entertainment/ time wastage - not done(slept too much)around 11 hours
• Shower- Not done
• Time management - Not done
• Study- Not done ( only 2 hours)
• No internet time wastage/ binge- Not done ( from 10-1)
• Sport addiction control-Not done

Rating 5/10 ( due to recovery )

 

@rocky77777 do u wanna mentor me brother. I believe u r the right person for it.

 

@rocky77777 By mentor I meant accountability partner.

 

Feb 25- day-13

Yesterday was an awful day. I got up at 8:30. Then from 9-1 I kept reading the newspaper which could have been done in 2 hours max. In between I kept dozing off. Why have I got so lazy and wanting to sleep so much. It's also because I don't have any goals. I am really confused what to do in life. Motivation level is low due to past regrets about pretty much wasting my past 2 years.
Then with book in my hand I was constantly thinking and reflecting on what to do. But couldn't get clear in my thoughts.
Around 8 pm , I went upstairs and started watching TV . then it all triggerred and started wasting time on YouTube till 12 am. Then I dozed off.

Maybe I am depressed because I am not progressing . I am stuck in my laziness and sleep of 10- 14 hours not able to change it.
Alignment

• No PMO - done
• No TV show binge- done
• Newspaper- done

Misalignment

• No Internet time wastage- not done( 8-11:30 pm)
• No sports addiction- not done
• No entertainment/ time wastage- not done ( wasted pretty much whole day)
• Study- not done

Rating- 3/10

 

Feb 26 ( Friday )- Day 14

I got up at 10 am. I was again disappointed due to prolonged sleep. I wanted to get up at 8 as I had an appointment with a dermatologist. So I missed it. Also I was hungover from the addiction of 4 hours of wasteful YouTube videos.
But then I composed myself and did the right thing. I went downstairs in my study room and studied for 1 hour. Till 1 pm I studied but not efficiently. Then I read the newspaper , went to psychologist and then had dinner.
I have been not going to gym for some days I felt my prolonged sleep was due to it. So then around 9 I went to my sir flat and studied till 11 pm.

Alignment

• No PMO - done
• No TV show binge- done
• Newspaper- done
• Study - 5 hours
• Shower- done
• No Internet time wastage- done
• No sports addiction- Done

Misalignment

• No entertainment/ time wastage- not done ( wasted first half of the day)
• Gym- not done
• Time management- not done

Tackle + Countering

• Procrastination/laziness- Still a long way to go.
• Negative mindset- Trying
• Regret- biggest drawback.

Virtues Targeted
Optimism
Proactiveness
Self control
Self discipline
Never die attitude
Self belief
Better Time management + efficiency



@JohnDoe2016 - It's imp. For me to read the newspaper for my current gk for my exam.
@BrainPlasticity I am gonna complete 15 days of no pmo. This is my new journal. Have started on my new journey. Really inspired reading your journal on the levels of improvement reached.

 

Feb 27 ( Saturday) - Day 15

I was at my sirs flat.I got up at 4 am. Then I studied from 4-7. Then I went home , had breakfast and got ready for office. I decided to start going office to counter distractions, negativity, urges.

I reached at 10. Read newspaper till 12 and then studied for 4 hours till 5 pm but not efficiently.
Then I came home around 6 pm. I had the option of going to gym or go for shopping for a function I need to attend. I I procrastinated and could do neither.

From 8 pm I started studying. I couldn't due to many thoughts like regret , confusion about my goals. So I called my friend and talked with him for half an hour. Then I tried to sleep but couldn't till 12 am. Idk when I have a good day ,suddenly my energy gets up and mind gets too active and I am not able to sleep. Other days I would have slept but maybe it's also coz of habit of sleeping at 12 am from last few days.

Alignment

• No PMO - done
• No TV show binge- done
• Newspaper- done
• Study - 5 hours
• Shower- done
• No Internet time wastage- done
• No sports addiction- Done

Misalignment

• No entertainment/ time wastage- not done ( wasted second half of the day)
• Gym- not done
• Time management- not done

Tackle + Countering

• Procrastination/laziness

I have started going to office and study to counter procrastination and laziness. Also it helps keeping out distractions as I would be highly vulnerable now due to huge REGRET of wasting past 3 and a half months of my life.

Regret
It's a pretty awful feeling and toughest to avoid. I won't be writing about it as it leads to more. Negative writing breads negative thought.
Positives
I showed more Proactiveness and Willpower to do what's right. I need to build on it.
I took many right decisions in the first half of the day. So that's good decision making + better time management.
Self control and discipline are getting better day by day despite getting more vulnerable.

Rating - 7/10
I will now target this till April 1

• No Pmo
• No binge watching
• No internet time wastage
• Sport addiction control
• Control entertainment/ time wastage

Daily habits

• Gym
• Newspaper
• Study - at least 6 hours
  
• Office- Monday to Saturday ( although that will start from 4 March as I am busy )

 

Feb-28 ( Sunday) - day 16

I got up at 3 am after not being able to sleep after just 3 hours of sleep. Whenever I want to start following a sleep cycle I am not able to. To get up early I need to sleep before 11 am but I am not able to. I kept twisting and turning on bed till 1 am. After getting up I studied for 1 hour and slept at 5.
Then I got up at 8:30 am. It was going to be tough yesterday being a Sunday to avoid all distractions and study too. But I started well and read the newspaper till 12 pm. Then I slept again for 2 hours because I wasn't feeling well. My stomach was upset.
After getting up I studied a bit from 2-7 , maybe for 2-3 hours. Then I kept sitting idle from 7-9 and had dinner. I sit idle and do nothing and just keep thinking about my future plans, goals or regretting about past. Yesterday , also because of low level of threshold of satisfaction for past few days due to previous month's of addiction I felt happy just sitting idle and doing nothing. At least I was not tempted to all my addictions.
Then around 10 I reached my sir's flat and studied till 11 30 pm. Then again I couldn't sleep till 1 am but kept trying.

Alignment

• No PMO - done
• No TV show binge- done
• Newspaper- done
• Study - 5 hours
• No entertainment/ time wastage- done
  
• No Internet time wastage- done
• No sports addiction- Done

Misalignment

• Gym- not done( Sunday)
• Time management/ efficiency - Still a long way to go

Tackle + Countering

• Procrastination/laziness

Being Sunday it was tough as I had to avoid strong urges of addiction and wasting time. But stayed downstairs as much I could and avoided distractions.

Positives
Self control and self discipline were a huge booster yesterday. I was tested and I passed.
Stayed calm and built on Willpower by mostly acting on what I know was right.

Rating - 7/10

@BrainPlasticity it would be great if u can comment on my journey so far.